SirTwitchalot
08-04-2007, 06:38 PM
In conclusion, despite the overwhelming, redundant and graphic detail I have provided in concerns to my severity of symptoms and the pure mathematical incapacitating repercussions of them, to much to which I left out an immensity of extra information, however, I remain hopeful. I remain hopeful, that some day I will find a level of functionality that I might be giving the opportunity to re-engage in my previous flight to spread empathy, compassion, and complete my academic goals to help encourage this course of action, to be able to engage humanity and contribute to society at some proud, yet merger way. My deepest wish of all, is not for wealth, fame, glory, or any other pleasure seeking wish, I simple wish I could just sit still for a small, even 10 minute duration of time, and not have 1-150 different near maddening forms of tics happening to me. Indeed, all the riches in the world could not give me what I desire the most, (a cure for this disorder, which there is none) which is the ability to be still for more than a handful of minutes. Just to be able to sit and have one uninterrupted physical moment and train of thought, would be my purest heaven and simple general wish….
Tourette Syndrome has the capacity to not only change your life overall in many broad and specific manners, it can also change everything within moments, going from relative calm to well beyond any “reasonable” manner of human nature. However, my TS in all its vast splendor and “carnival freak show” qualities, share no reflection on my heart or mind, in their inherent natures. I am a soft spoken polite humanitarian, with only benevolent intentions and regards for humanity as a whole. I can say with no constraint, that I am a noble and humble human that out of logical common sense strives for finding peace and relief, then share it with anyone, who would bid me the time, to bother to listen to a simple folk like I. However, I am far from “simple” I am a rather withdrawn peaceful introvert, who is stuck with a disorder whose nature is the polar opposite in many regards. Tourette syndrome can not change my heart, but it does rule supremacy and immense dominance over my body and mind. I happen to be stuck with a disorder whose general premise is that through neurological mechanical/chemical malfunctions, physically manifests and creates physical and mental chaos, TS is my personal counter personality, that’s forced to be extroverted beyond boundaries of any kind. Tourette syndrome is often times wild, crude, harsh, barbaric, bizarre, and bewildering and confusing, at the same token I am as a person far from any of these factually true adjectives. Joined by the mind, heart, and “hypothetical soul”, under my skin, resides this disorder. This is a casually perpetual nightmare, the sensation is comparable to that residual and lingering sensation one feels immediately following waking up from a horrible nightmare, where, emotionally and chemically your body is still “feeling the nightmare”, take that feeling, profound and wonderful as that feeling is, and combine that with motor tics and vocal tics, penciled in tiny moments of joy, peace and grateful regard for my breathing existence, love for humanity, two quarts of strychnine, and mix it all together, that’s kind of how I feel all the time. I am grateful for even a single uninterrupted minute length of time, a single moment, tic free and free of chronic pain. This mindfulness teaches one the true value and awareness of how worthy a single moment of peace might actually be to someone. Lest we forget, we all could use some of these tiny moments that you wish you could preserve forever, only for me, these fleeting moments are all preserved in my memories, or lest I forget and grow bitter and resentful towards the “Universe” for the misfortune of my disorders, only the mental memories that remember the small moments of relief I do get now and then, only makes me cherish this life that much more.
Tourette Syndrome has the capacity to not only change your life overall in many broad and specific manners, it can also change everything within moments, going from relative calm to well beyond any “reasonable” manner of human nature. However, my TS in all its vast splendor and “carnival freak show” qualities, share no reflection on my heart or mind, in their inherent natures. I am a soft spoken polite humanitarian, with only benevolent intentions and regards for humanity as a whole. I can say with no constraint, that I am a noble and humble human that out of logical common sense strives for finding peace and relief, then share it with anyone, who would bid me the time, to bother to listen to a simple folk like I. However, I am far from “simple” I am a rather withdrawn peaceful introvert, who is stuck with a disorder whose nature is the polar opposite in many regards. Tourette syndrome can not change my heart, but it does rule supremacy and immense dominance over my body and mind. I happen to be stuck with a disorder whose general premise is that through neurological mechanical/chemical malfunctions, physically manifests and creates physical and mental chaos, TS is my personal counter personality, that’s forced to be extroverted beyond boundaries of any kind. Tourette syndrome is often times wild, crude, harsh, barbaric, bizarre, and bewildering and confusing, at the same token I am as a person far from any of these factually true adjectives. Joined by the mind, heart, and “hypothetical soul”, under my skin, resides this disorder. This is a casually perpetual nightmare, the sensation is comparable to that residual and lingering sensation one feels immediately following waking up from a horrible nightmare, where, emotionally and chemically your body is still “feeling the nightmare”, take that feeling, profound and wonderful as that feeling is, and combine that with motor tics and vocal tics, penciled in tiny moments of joy, peace and grateful regard for my breathing existence, love for humanity, two quarts of strychnine, and mix it all together, that’s kind of how I feel all the time. I am grateful for even a single uninterrupted minute length of time, a single moment, tic free and free of chronic pain. This mindfulness teaches one the true value and awareness of how worthy a single moment of peace might actually be to someone. Lest we forget, we all could use some of these tiny moments that you wish you could preserve forever, only for me, these fleeting moments are all preserved in my memories, or lest I forget and grow bitter and resentful towards the “Universe” for the misfortune of my disorders, only the mental memories that remember the small moments of relief I do get now and then, only makes me cherish this life that much more.