Javisi

[mama sue]

You may call me Mama :) I too feel very close to you. {{{HUGS}}} I'm sorry to hear you were in the hospital, I hope all is well. Much love
Sue

[JAVISI]

Mama,
Thank you! I too feel so close to you and I want you to know that you are always in my prayers. It is funny how never meeting a person how close you can feel you them.*computer

Sorry if it took me awhile to resond anfter 1 more hospital visit and my grandaughter staying here I haven't had the time to get on line.

I wish I had the words to soothe your heart, and ease your mind but I don't and won't pretend to. The main thing is that I will always be ready to listen and chat with you, no matter what the conversation consists of!*cg09

Dream Big and Reach for the Stars, You deserve it!
Love, Laurie*heart

[mama sue]

Laurie~
Hope you are getting stronger each day. You are in my prayers dear.

Love
Sue

[JAVISI]

Mama,
You are a true friend, I hold a special place for you in my heart! I have 1 best friend and she lives in Texas otherwise all of my true friends are on line. It is so nice to be able to open up to people without the fear of being judged. That is why I love it here.

I have to go see my psychiatrist today sometimes I wonder if one drama after another will ever stop happening to me. Someday I want to see the cloud with the silver lining shining above all of us. I will not go into my problems you have enough on your plate for now and I want to be here for you for a change!

I will always say a prayer for you each night!
(((((HUGS))))) Love, Laurie;)

[mama sue]

{{{Laurie}}}
I don't know how much support I can be right now, but I will gladly be here to listen. Thanks for being so dear to me.

[JAVISI]

Mama,
I lost my best friends brother in law to suicide. My best friend lived with them so he was just like a father figure to me! Then just this past week One of the guys that was on his pit crew, (he drove a stock car) Hung himself just the way Kevin did. I seen him at the funeral. I told him I would give him my number but neglected to. I dated him for awhile, But he was more like a brother to me. He let us drive his car when we were not even old to drive. Mostly we sat around and talked after they worked on the race car!

He was corresponding to my girl friend in Texas. He was telling her obout how depressed he was and he was going through a divorce. It was very messy. He told her I was 1 of the 4 that he considered as his true loves. I wish I would have given him my number, I wonder if It wold have changer things, I feel bad that I wasn't there for him.

My poor girlfriend alerted his family and police because she could not get ahold of him! She didn't have an adress but remained persistant that they check on him! About an hour later they called her back to say he had hung himself. I was in the hospital when they had his funeral. I felt like I should have been there.

Enough abhout me, I can only understand to a certain degree what you are going through! I feel so sad. If I could I would be there for you! Please remember that is not your fault!! I know that is a hard hurdle but I know t5hat you are a strong woman! Lets both hang in there togeather. Talk to me and I will always listen!

Many hugs!! Love, Laurie;)

[mama sue]

{{{Laurie}}}
Wow!! Thans for sharing some of your story. Bob hung himself too. He called me about 20 minutes before he died to say goodbye. I too feel like I should have been there and then maybe he would still be here. I know in my head that I can't go there, but my heart just won't quit putting that thought in my head, ya know? Day by day, minute by minute I keep praying that he is at peace finally.

I never thought he would actually do it. How can you be with someone for 18 years and not really know them? After all we went through with the loss of our boys. Suicide is something we said we would NEVER do!!!! He promised me!! I just don't understand how he could be so hopeful less than 24 hours before he did it.

Ok, enough rambling for today............

Thanks for the shoulder.

Love
Sue

[JAVISI]

Mama,
It is so hard to understand what in life could be so bad, I think we all have been to that point and thought about it but knew better not to act upon it. I would have never guessed that either of these men would have done this, smiling on the outside but hurting on the inside.

That thought "Could I have done something to protect or stop them", It is a useless thing to dwell on but I also wonder. I pray many times a day that God opened his arms to them and their pain is gone! I like to think that it is that way!

I hope that I did not make things worse by telling you what has happened to me recently. I just want you to know that you can count on me!

Dreaming Big, and wanting Inner Peace for the both of us!
Love, Laurie

[mama sue]

Laurie,
In no way did your telling me did it make things worse for me. I am so grateful to have someone to talk too that has been there. I too believe that God was right there with Bob as well as Kevin and his friend. I can see in my minds eye that Bob was crying out to Jesus how sorry he was, but that the pain was too great to bear. We can see each other through dear one. Hang in there and know that I too am here for you.
Love Sue

[JAVISI]

Mama,
I am beginning to hate the thought of "what if"! It takes you around and around in circles. Kevin threatened suicide many times and no one thought he would ever do it! He made his plans days before he did it. He called to make sure that he had enough coverage for his burial. I feel so bad for his wife. Her daughter and his family blame her, as if the guilt isn't bad enough! It makes me so angry! There is nothing that she could have done. This has been so hard on her the way it is. They were highschool sweethearts, Married at age 17.

Monte, he was going through a divorce. His wife was cheating on him. His daughter blamed him for her cheating. He was just rekindling a relationship with a daughter he had no contact for many years. He talked to Kevin about his problems and felt such guilt of burdening him. He did not know that Kevin too was hurting. That last time I seen these 2 they were both smiling and laughing. I have so many memories to cherish! I am trying to think of them and not go round and round about the what if's. I pray that they are finally truely happy and at peace!

I am still trying to Dream Big and Reach for the Stars! Love, Laurie

[mama sue]

Keep hanging in there Laurie. Guilt is terrible and it seems like it gets worse everyday for me. I keep reliving that last phone call :( I hope that this too shall pass. {{{HUGS}}}

[JAVISI]

Mama,
I hope that you can get that last phone call out of your head. I suspect it will take some time, this is still so fresh. I wish I knew how to take some of the feelings off of your shoulders. Just please remember that it is not your fault and you could have done nothing to stop it! I know that we would like to think we could have changed their minds but ib all reality once their mind is made up, there is nothing you or anyone else could do to change their minds! I struggle with this too!

The person does not really realize how much they are loved. At Kevin's funeral, you should have seen all of the people! If he only realized he had so many friends! And realize how painful his act has been on his family and friends! I will never understand why Kevin or Monte hung themselves. The pain is still so fresh. I cared about both of these men they played major roles in my life! I can not understand your pain completely but I do understand to a certain degree. Ipray for peace to all of them and especially peace for the one's left behind!

You play an important role in my life and it hurts me to know that you are huting and I can not do anything about it! I will always be here for you, My dear Friend!

Love, Laurie

[mama sue]

{{{Laurie}}}
No, I don't think we will ever understand why our loved ones decided to take their lives. I am going to be starting a support group in a couple of weeks. My sister is going to go with me. She is soooo wonderful. I can't imagine where I would be without her and my family. I am very blessed to have such wonderful folks in my life. Having you as one of those folks means a great deal to me!!!

I know that I need to try and get that last phone call out of my head, but....it is still there and I'm sure it will be for a while. I just keep praying.

Much love to you dear one!!!!!!

[JAVISI]

Mama,
I am so sorry that I have been gone so long. I have been fighting off pneumonia. My lungs are just plain tired. I have missed you and wondered how you have been doing. I continue to pray for you!

I am happy that you have a strong support system right now. I hope the days gradually get easier for you! Just remember that I care for you so much! You have helped me more than you will ever know!

Continuing to Dream Big and Reaching for the Stars! Love, Laurie

[mama sue]

Sorry to hear that you have been so sick :( Hope you are getting better every day. Lifting you in prayer.

I haven't started the support group yet, but will soon I hope. I'm hanging in there one day at a time.

{{{HUGS}}} and love..............