Cry Tears
08-01-2007, 04:31 AM
Hi....I've been having a lot of anxiety....recent horrid family issues on top of everything else I've got going on with my health and constant pain.
I've ONLY had what I'd call a full blown panic attack...my heart was beating 200 beats per min and I couldn't even stand up I was THAT weak.
I felt I was dying for sure.
I feel flat on my face, could only crawel to the phone...I had just gotten up, went potty...all was fine...then Bam! I felt weak, shakey and my heart rate shot up...I had this deep deeeep fear in my gut.
I was able to get to the phone to call 911.
I was too weak to call my husband who was sitting at the K table eating breakfast.
Paramedics came, whisked me off to ER....they pulled over twice and got out the CPR items (Throat tube)...they had lights and sirens going the entire half hour trip...we live way out in the boonies.
But one thing is I had very severe anemia and I was missing 2/3 of my blood, so that could have been what really happened...but I'd been bleeding internally for over a year so that could be what triggered my fast heart rate, then began panicing which in turn fueled the panic attack big time.
That was over 4 years ago and I never had anything close to that episode till one day....We were on vacation in the Florida Keys (we've been going there twice a year for 20 years...so am very familiar with water and fishies)
We'd stopped at my favorite place where you can walk out half mile off beach and still be waist deep warm waters.
So I'm having a good time walking out in the water...walking along a sand path with sea grass on each side...then BAMM!
I began to feel that ugly panicy feeling rising up inside me.
My "stomach"...really just above my stomach....felt like flip flops and terror. I was freaked out, all alone way out in the water. My legs turned to jelly and I could hardly stand up, but I knew if I didn't I'd drown....and the moving water would carry me away.
I yelled for my husband...but he just waved at me...went to the trunk of our car, got the camera and waved some more at me.
I was getting frantic and kept waving for him to come...the water carrys sound very well, but I was pretty far out.
Finally I got him to walk towards me....I was shaking violently ready to freak. As long as he walked in my direction I was "OK"...I also began singing a hyme "Anywhere with Jesus....I can safely go"...that was the ONLY way I could comfort myself and keep my heart rate down.
It took some time for my husband to finally reach me...he had to help hold onto me as we walked back to shore.
There weren't any fish or scary looking wildlife that I'd seen out there, but something triggered this and I have no idea what because I was doing my most favorite thing and I used to be an excellent swimmer...life guard trained too! This was back in late May when this happened.
But now I keep having that ugly feelings of panic and terror type welling from my "stomach" area.
I keep having feelings of doom...or like waiting for other shoe to drop to even maybe we're going to have a major earthquake,,,,what ever it is, its not very comfortable feelings...like I'm going to "loose it" and freak out.
When I was 14 I was kidnapped, drugged and raped by my girlfreinds father, and was also molested as a child.
My mother forced me to "stuff it" and not tell what had happened to me or esle her life would be messed up and it would be all my fault!
the one when I was 14...she'd just graduated from RN school and about to take her State Boards.
She told me that if I told her entire career would be ruined and we'd lose our home, go hungry and my little sisters and everyone else would suffer.
I won't even go into what she did when I told her about he abuse when I was 4....she turned it to be all about HER and not me...she put her fist thru the window, then told me "See what you've done"! She was very pregnant at the time...she told me the baby was going to die...all my fault...everything was always Cheryls fault! My "father" was worse...what a nightmare of a life I've had...those who're supposed to love, protect and nurture...instead played mind games and made me feel it really was all my fault...especially the rape, she said I'd asked for it! Yeah...I guess a 14 YO virgin wants a 45 YO ugly man....it's very sick family I have.
I have a few xanex that are to be used for dental procedures...but I've no other choice...this is much worse than dental stuff!
I've begun taking Zoloft....I've taken this in the past with min sides except teeth and jaw clenching.
So I'm guessing I'm going to have to have more xanex to help me thru this time.....I'm hating these panic "crap".
Makes me feel crazy thats for sure...I sure wish they'd find a doctor who is a little more sensitvie to my needs.
Blessings, cheryl
I've ONLY had what I'd call a full blown panic attack...my heart was beating 200 beats per min and I couldn't even stand up I was THAT weak.
I felt I was dying for sure.
I feel flat on my face, could only crawel to the phone...I had just gotten up, went potty...all was fine...then Bam! I felt weak, shakey and my heart rate shot up...I had this deep deeeep fear in my gut.
I was able to get to the phone to call 911.
I was too weak to call my husband who was sitting at the K table eating breakfast.
Paramedics came, whisked me off to ER....they pulled over twice and got out the CPR items (Throat tube)...they had lights and sirens going the entire half hour trip...we live way out in the boonies.
But one thing is I had very severe anemia and I was missing 2/3 of my blood, so that could have been what really happened...but I'd been bleeding internally for over a year so that could be what triggered my fast heart rate, then began panicing which in turn fueled the panic attack big time.
That was over 4 years ago and I never had anything close to that episode till one day....We were on vacation in the Florida Keys (we've been going there twice a year for 20 years...so am very familiar with water and fishies)
We'd stopped at my favorite place where you can walk out half mile off beach and still be waist deep warm waters.
So I'm having a good time walking out in the water...walking along a sand path with sea grass on each side...then BAMM!
I began to feel that ugly panicy feeling rising up inside me.
My "stomach"...really just above my stomach....felt like flip flops and terror. I was freaked out, all alone way out in the water. My legs turned to jelly and I could hardly stand up, but I knew if I didn't I'd drown....and the moving water would carry me away.
I yelled for my husband...but he just waved at me...went to the trunk of our car, got the camera and waved some more at me.
I was getting frantic and kept waving for him to come...the water carrys sound very well, but I was pretty far out.
Finally I got him to walk towards me....I was shaking violently ready to freak. As long as he walked in my direction I was "OK"...I also began singing a hyme "Anywhere with Jesus....I can safely go"...that was the ONLY way I could comfort myself and keep my heart rate down.
It took some time for my husband to finally reach me...he had to help hold onto me as we walked back to shore.
There weren't any fish or scary looking wildlife that I'd seen out there, but something triggered this and I have no idea what because I was doing my most favorite thing and I used to be an excellent swimmer...life guard trained too! This was back in late May when this happened.
But now I keep having that ugly feelings of panic and terror type welling from my "stomach" area.
I keep having feelings of doom...or like waiting for other shoe to drop to even maybe we're going to have a major earthquake,,,,what ever it is, its not very comfortable feelings...like I'm going to "loose it" and freak out.
When I was 14 I was kidnapped, drugged and raped by my girlfreinds father, and was also molested as a child.
My mother forced me to "stuff it" and not tell what had happened to me or esle her life would be messed up and it would be all my fault!
the one when I was 14...she'd just graduated from RN school and about to take her State Boards.
She told me that if I told her entire career would be ruined and we'd lose our home, go hungry and my little sisters and everyone else would suffer.
I won't even go into what she did when I told her about he abuse when I was 4....she turned it to be all about HER and not me...she put her fist thru the window, then told me "See what you've done"! She was very pregnant at the time...she told me the baby was going to die...all my fault...everything was always Cheryls fault! My "father" was worse...what a nightmare of a life I've had...those who're supposed to love, protect and nurture...instead played mind games and made me feel it really was all my fault...especially the rape, she said I'd asked for it! Yeah...I guess a 14 YO virgin wants a 45 YO ugly man....it's very sick family I have.
I have a few xanex that are to be used for dental procedures...but I've no other choice...this is much worse than dental stuff!
I've begun taking Zoloft....I've taken this in the past with min sides except teeth and jaw clenching.
So I'm guessing I'm going to have to have more xanex to help me thru this time.....I'm hating these panic "crap".
Makes me feel crazy thats for sure...I sure wish they'd find a doctor who is a little more sensitvie to my needs.
Blessings, cheryl