Is this asperger syndrome symptom?

[PainInTheNeck]

I have so many questions and so will keep reading all your posts and ask for your reactions too, ok?

My son reacts in a "mean way" toward anyone if something doesnt go the way he is expecting it to. I am trying to think of best examples. OK....he has a very hard time making and keeping friends because he is so rigid in how he expects others to treat him. The least disappointment is met with disdain.

He has called these 2 little boys houses every day for a week asking if they can come and play. A month ago they were both coming over and swimming and having fun almost every day. But always there would be my son's episodes of accusing them of cheating or lieing or telling them to go home and he didnt like them anymore. Of course- 10 or 20 minutes later he was telling them they were his best friend but ...ya know.....they only ride that roller coaster for so long. Anyway....this boy finally says yes he will come over. I hear my son tell him to call when he is ready to leave so I am thinking I will be going to get him.

Instead, about a half an hour later the child knocks on the door. Before my son even opens the doors he is already moaning and making fists with his hands because he wanted to go pick the kid up. That is what he expected...and he had it in his head to take one of his video games that the kid likes and leave it as his house and ask the kid to bring a different game to our house. (They have done this before) He didnt tell the other kid that on the phone. He didnt tell me that. It was just this expectation he had. So...anyway....he jerks door open and says, "Did you bring such and such?"....kid says "no". My son says 'well- thanks alot.....you lied...you said you would call when you were ready! What's wrong with you?" and then he hangs his head and goes to the couch and refuses to talk to the kid. I tried saying please be nice- you have wanted company for a long time...you can do other things....you are hurting "Tommy's" feelings. Each time I tried this he would growl at me and tell me I was making him look bad,,,,,,,

After about 10 minutes he acted like nothing had happened and ask the kid to play and then things went really well.

Does anyone have any insight in to this?

[Lara]

It does sound familiar. My own son felt the need to be in control of the situations when he was a little boy and had playmates over, similar to what you've described. If something went wrong with a routine or a plan then it was meltdown time. You might want to look into some Social Skills training. It sounds as if it'd be really helpful in allowing your son to have more postive interactions with his friends and classmates.

I accidentally posted this message on someone else's thread just now. I'd meant to post it here for you.
This is my son's doctor.
http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/
There are some excellent articles and reading on his site.
There's also a good research section and research archives section if you're looking for specific articles.
All those links are on the left hand side of the page.
Great list of books too. Including Social Skills. You might be able to get most of them at your public library to save buying them yourself.

[PainInTheNeck]

Thanks Lara......I am very glad to have all if this information so easily accessible once someone points me in the right direction. :)

[Tootsie]

The behavior you describe sounds very much like my grandson. He was different, from the moment of birth. I was holding him a few hours afterward, and he was gazing intently at my face and focusing his eyes! As a 2 year old, you could reason with him!

However, he would go into a complete melt down if anything in the days routine was changed. My daughter would have to go into great detail, if someone else was picking him up to go to nursery school. She would have to prepare him for any change, anything different; he always had to be in control so usually played with only one child at a time.

Now, at 16, he has mellowed a great deal, but is highly organized, always has homework done, papers written and ready to be handed in before they are due, etc. His mother has worked hard to focus his attention on variations in how people react, and whether or not those variations are truly important. It has helped. Cheerio.