In Limbo

[Fig]

I live with depression--chronic, clinical depression, caused by a chemical imbalance. It's been thus since I was 3 years old. I'm now a "Golden Oldie"--61. I deal with it as best I can,helped by meds and coping skills I've learned. Still, it's hard, and I go through some very black periods---like now---when nothing works. it's discouraging, painful,-----and I'm so very tired. Marion

[CanRelate]

Marion:

I too have severe recurrent depression....abnormal EEGs and limited improvement on the whole from most of the antidepressants you care to name. Definately a factor since age 8, but likely earlier. Concentration and mood of the numbing sort is probably hard to notice young in a quiet, inquisitive yet introspective child:D. And then it seems it can be written off to the general adolescent funk...especially as I was good at compensating at that point, and was creative/successful at getting a parent approved and called in sick day off from school when I was actually only needing a mental health day. Mom was convinced I was actually sick or coming down with something (and no, I did not drink hot tea to raise the reading on the thermometer!!!!)

I am VERY med-compliant.......it is the depression which is "treatment resistant", not me being resistant to treatment!!:p ;) :rolleyes: The meds often only work on some symptoms, or they stop working despite a long trial and attempts at tweaking the dose.....or the side effects are worse than the depression symptoms! And I get to the point where I say to my doc, "If this is as good as it gets on this (after over a year...), it is not good enough, and we need to explore new options."

I have had a long lasting episode from early April until now....the worst functioning (almost zero) lasted about 6 or 7 weeks, and then I was only able to work on some of the things which went to pot during the worst of it. I am improving, but slowly, and some of the deadlines are external and have become "A" priorities since they have been unresolved for too long.

I hate the seemingly constant sense of playing catch-up with life, fixing what broke/was neglected when staying alive was all I could manage. The apartment goes to pot, the laundry sits undone (and grows some...) the trash doesn;t make it to the dumpster outback, the bills which are not already on automatic pay run the rish of being late, friends are/feel neglected, etc,etc,etc. Life feels like ---survive the worst and then clean-up the damage done socially/financially/spacially/etc., etc. --- over and over again......<sigh>

I am a positive person, and have quite a fun inner life and a delightful (if odd to others) sense of humor. So how can I be depressed? WHat am I depressed about (I hear over and over....)

People cannot compute that clinical depression is not about "being sad" or negative ......it is about a very real chemical imbalance in our brain which causes a physical disruption and emotional numbing...even as we might get weepy and burst into tears. THey see that and think we are sad.....we feel out of control from disconnection, and then seem in a position to need to "enlighten" these people!!! grrrrr.! Like it gets thru to them much if at all!! (most of the time...)

I wish I had time right now to say more....but I am trying to catch-up/clean up academic mess from these last months......:(

I will keep a lookout for your posts...and feel free to PM me as you wish.

Warm regards,
CanRelate


I live with depression--chronic, clinical depression, caused by a chemical imbalance. It's been thus since I was 3 years old. I'm now a "Golden Oldie"--61. I deal with it as best I can,helped by meds and coping skills I've learned. Still, it's hard, and I go through some very black periods---like now---when nothing works. it's discouraging, painful,-----and I'm so very tired. Marion

[ainee]

G'day Marion,
I believe lack of oxygen in the atmosphere can cause some to be - or feel depressed - or if you are ill for any reason and cannot breath in enough oxygen to keep the nerves, tissues, cells etc healthy.
Six years ago, I developed many symptoms similar to many I've read about on BT. I found by experimentation, research, trial and error, that by taking simple treatments, which increased my breathing 24/7, my symptoms were suppressed and then after many months, my symptoms slowly reversed and my health improved. It wasn't an over night fix it all - I experimented for many months to get the dose quantity and dose rate right for my body weight.
I found when there is a Low in the atmospheric pressure - at night time, when it is cold, raining, snowing, frosty etc, or even when it's very hot and humid - there seems to be less oxygen in the air to breath, and sometimes I would be feeling down - not depressed but feeling washed out.
Sometimes I would feel like crying - even though I was not unhappy. So by taking my treatment, I have better health all round.
I've posted my treatment info on BT. - MOT - Mini Oxygen Treatment - raises my body temperature, increases my heart rate, increases my breathing, blood and oxygen circulation 24/7, without any effort.
One of the treatments I found worked, is Vitamin C - a non toxic, water soluble vitamin. I believe anyone can gain better health by taking what it suggested on the bottle - "take one 1000mg tablet Vitamin C - 3 times a day."
I slowly increased the dose quantity and also the dose rate to 4 times a day, but now take the 1000mgs as a dose.
Have a nice day.
ainee.

[Buttons2]

Marion, hopefully you have found the depression forum here on BT. Many of us suffer from depression-kinda goes along with chronic pain,loss of friends,etc.

I've suffered for years with severe depression,made suicide attempts twice when in my 20's. Have tried different anti-depressants over the years.

One thing that seemed to help me was taking B12 Methylcobamin. If you've never tried this you might want to research our vitamin forum here,read the website Rose has set up.

I also cut back my aspartame consumption by 99%.

A month ago I had to get very serious about my diabetes when an eye doc said I would go blind. I began a very strict low carb diet. (all winter I'd eaten everything high carb-vicious cycle of depression/eating). I've not only lost 10# in the past month,but my mind seems more clear & there's not been one day of falling into the deep pit of depression! I'm thinking it's because I've been gluten free as well as low-carb.

When I fall into that pit I've found there is nothing I can do until it passes. No amount of trying to boost myself up helps. I cannot function,and I tend to stay off my 'puter cause I'm too depressed to care about myself much less anyone else. I can go 3 days without even changing my clothes. Push my cat & dog away. It's like I'm engulfed in a dark cloud. Luckily this is not something that happens everyday or I'd not be here!

I believe there is a cycle to this,whether it's a weather/planetary cycle or what I'm not sure. I went through menopause @ age 40, I'm now 58 & figure women (and men) have a monthly cycle in their lives. You don't have to be into astrology to know for a fact that full moons affect people in strange ways. I've learned to be aware of the full moon & prepare for being a different person. I'm either a chatterbox or am very reclusive & can't even carry on a conversation! And I can flip-flop from one feeling to another overnight!

Hope you feel better today,never give up-there's always hope for a better future ahead!
HUGS,Buttons

[JAVISI]

Marion,
I too have dealt with depression for many years. I always hope that they will find a miricle drug. The meds ease the symptoms but they can not take the problems away. I have been through a lot this past year, I will not go into it because I could fill a book!*grimace

I have found that coming here and knowing that I have friends that are so loving caring and understanding, It truely helps. I hope you keep coming back! Being able to vent our feelings without the fear of being judged I have found is also therapeutic.*bunch

I am on 3 antidepressants, they do help take the edge off! But friends that care can really make a difference! Welcome!!

((((HUGS)))) Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars, Javi;)