Anyone watch "Army Wives" last night?

[Buttons2]

When this show first came out I thought it was too much like a soap opera,then yesterday they replayed the first episodes & I got hooked on the story line of these 5 women.

Here's what I found shocking (remember this is fiction), one woman was being physically abused.....by her own son! Now how wacky is that???? I've heard of old people being abused by their children but had never given much thought to someone young hitting his own mother!

Is this the new generation or what? I know I would never have so much as tolerated either of my kids talking back to me or swearing at me,much less ever hitting me!:eek: What is happening to our world? I'm certain this does go on in real life......

[JAVISI]

Buttons,
I seen that episode. I know of a few parents being assaulted by their sons and daughters. It seems a lot of the youth these days have lost respect for their parents. I was never hit mor called names by my children but I did let them get away with a lot more than what my parents let me get by with!

I have been hurt mentally by my kids, that almost hurts worse. At times I really feel used, at times I want to cut all ties with them but I love my granchildren. It is hard to separate from them without losing time with my 2 sweet grandkids.

I guess I am a little down today because I talked to my daughters boyfriend's mom, everyone says she is psycho, and I do beleive it but I can't help but let the words that she says go to my heart. She told me that she didn't think my daughter and her son will ever get their son back! I don't beleive it, yet a part of me is so scared that it will happen. It keeps playing over in my head.

My daughter stayed here for a while. I seen the actions she was taking to get her son back! She and her boyfriend are living in the house that I shared with my ex, it is easier for her to see her son. They get supervised visits 4 times a week. I feel a little betrayed by her. My boyfriend bought her a phone and minutes so she wouyld have access to Social Services. I guess her minutes are out.

My boyfriends dad is giving her a car, but know I found out that she is driving a truck. I think her dad got it for her. It made him mad that she stayed out here, So I think he is using things to keep her away from me.

Her son is with his brother and sister-in-law. I want to see my grandson but I definatly do not want to run into my ex. It is just plain akward. I call to see how he is doing. If they do not get him back me and my boyfriend will do anything it takes to get him. I know that it would add stress but I am willing to chance it. I guess I am jumping the gun about all of this, my brain just don't want to shut down. I am so tired and yet I can't sleep. I feel lost and scared, I guess I don't know what to do!

When my son gets out of jail he is planning on moving out here with his daughter, until he gets on his feet b ut I am afraid his dad will intervene again! So all of this came out over a movie. You are agreat friend Buttons and I always rely on your advise. Thank you for that!
Love, Javisi:)

[suede]

Buttons,
I watch the show and enjoy it.
It really saddens me to say that it is not uncommon anymore for kids to abuse their parents the way you see in this show.
I read about it in the news everyday and hear it on the news on TV, not to mention the people I know that deal with it first hand.
I can even see it in the way my daughters step children talk to her and others, that this is going to be a serious problem for her.
Heck they have gone to school and lied on her saying that she has hit them and etc. kids now a days know that the law is going to take their word over any ones and they use it to the fullest.
These kids of hers are only 9 and 11, so I can only imagine.
I'll tell you this I have never touched on of these kids but they DO NOT get by talking to me that way or their parents in front of me. My own children never disrespected me this way and my grandchildren will not.

Javisi,
I can totally relate to how your feeling about what is going on with your children and Grandchildren, I have 2 that I have not seen in almost 4yrs.
Also even though my children do not outwardly disrespect me, I have a couple that definitely abuse me by taking full advantage of me in many ways.
It hurts like hell.
I wish you luck with all your going through.

Linda

[JAVISI]

Linda,
I have always been a person that gives more than I take. I was that way with my kids. It did them more harm than good. I did all of the house hold chores and really never made them do anything! As a child, I took on the mother's role due to my mom's alcoholism. I watched my sister and brother, did the cooking and cleaning, I even lugged laundry down to the laundry mat.:mad:

I just wanted my kids to be able to be kids like I was unable to be! So I went overboard and didn't make them do things for themselves. I harmed them by this, at the time I thought I was doing the best for them. I would love to go back in time and change things in a second if I could, but I know that is not an option. I know see I did not do them justice by the way I raised them. I am now reaping what I have sewn. And it really hurts!:(

Thanks for your kind words and sorry for getting off course!:rolleyes:

Still Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars, Love Javisi:)

[suede]

JAVISI,
I know what you mean.
Growing up I always did everything I could to try and keep the peace, it taught me try and always be "the people pleaser",there is no way we can please everyone but I had to try..
I won't go in to the long story of it( don't we all have one) but i have a son by my first, he was abusive, though I got away from him early on, I jumped out of the skillet right in to the fire, the next one was a combination of my dad and the first rolled in to one with some real vicious quirks of his own, if there is a son of satin I'm sure it is him.. He abused all of us, my son took it really tough.
Anyway it took me 13 long hard years to get away from him and when I finally managed he kidnapped the 2 daughters we had together, he used them to try and get me back not because he wanted them, they were also a good tool for him to get people to feel sorry for him.
So during the time he had them imagine every unGodly thing a person could do to another and he did it to them.
This has been many year ago of course it all seems like yesterday though.
Now I have over compensated trying to make up for all this and I can't even begin to tell you all that has happened.
I know now that there is no way I could ever make it up and that even though in my heart I have done everything to only try and help and make it better, I have not.
Though as you I am sure that the things we have done were out of the utmost love for others and our children, I have to believe that counts.

Linda

[JAVISI]

Linda,
It makes me feel better when you said that doing things out of the utmost love has to count! That I also hope is true. I never intentionally hurt them if anything I tried to give them a happy medium when it came to freedom. I have always been a people pleaser and avoid conflict at all costs. I learned a long time ago to just be quiet and don't anger him (my ex that is) Even that didn't work.:rolleyes:

Growing up in an alcoholic and abusive family, I learned there to be quiet. My mom would drink and then bring up the past! She would push my father to the brink, he would then beat her. He never hurt us kids but some of the things I saw, affects me yet to this day! I kept telling my mom just stop, be quiet!! But she never listened. So I guess that is when I learned to hold everything inside. I still struggle with doing that!:(

Thanks for the boost of encouragement!:)
Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars, Love, Laurie;)

[Buttons2]

Hi, I'd need an entire day of typing to tell my story.....and just like you guys and so many other moms....I made horrific mistakes with my 2 sons also! I'm grateful they have anything to do with me to tell the truth!

We can't go back & redo our parenting. And nobody is perfect. Everyone I know seems to be so attached to their grandchildren they are willing to sacrifice there own health & well being just to be allowed to see the kids in some cases. I see this as emotional blackmail of course,but no idea on how any of you can possibly change the circumstances.

Javisi, don't fret about what has NOT happened! Live your own life,you deserve it! I understand how the ex is still a huge factor,but try not to let him be.....it's the same old control issue. And yes he's using the kids & grandkids to get to you,but only if you allow it to happen. Try to picture 5 years from now,how you want your own life to be going then. Try to picture what your health will be like if you raise a grandchild? At any rate I urge you to enjoy the first summer free of being his wife,fill your days with your new family! You are being a magnet for despair if you get caught up in your daughter's life. Let her make her own mistakes,children aren't removed from homes without a reason are they? (Possibly they are-what do I know?)

Only YOU can break this cycle of "helping" your kids. Ask yourself where it's gotten you thus far?

My son's are respectful to me up to a point. My alcoholic son can really say some hurtful stuff to me when he's drunk,which is everytime I'm around him. Like all alcoholics he beats the past to pieces over & over like a broken record. Blames me for his troubles,or blames little green men-whatever,he doesn't want to face his own reality.

I already have a huge amount of guilt over my parenting,I don't need it thrown in my face by my own children! And I have alot of issues with my parents also,but I always show respect to them & keep the past buried inside of me. They made alot of mistakes,but I can't blame them forever for how I lived my own life!

A cyber friend on BT sent me a book called "Toxic Parents" by Dr. Susan Forward. This is a book that can change your life no matter what your age. I urge all of you here to read this book. It deals with every possible kind of abuse. I went through several weeks of reliving my past,hating my parents,wanting to tell them what I've held inside all these years,etc. Then I wrote them a letter one night,I let it all come out in the worse way,but I didn't mail the letter.....I didn't need to,the poison was something inside me,they are elderly & not going to change,confronting them would only have made me feel weak again (and under their control). And to tell the truth I was afraid I'd cause a stroke or heart attack if I went after them after all these years! I have memories back to 18mo old & my father beating me with a stick in my crib!

Hey,life IS a soap opera! Nobody has a perfect family! If we didn't make mistakes how would we learn? So let your kids make their mistakes,it's their chance now to figure it out. When's the last time they ever actually took your advice anyway?

Keep in mind I don't have any grandchildren so I'm looking at all this from a very different perspective!

HUGS to all,Buttons

[am I Clearly Me?]

I don't have kids but would agree from my experiences with friends' kids etc. that they're going to learn most from their own experiences & the consequences of their actions. If they're going to learn at all LOL (one certainly hopes they will).

Not all of this 'kids hurting parents' stuff is new, though it seems to me it's vastly increased. I do know of a guy I went to junior high school with in the 70s who beat his mother. How sick! But I wonder where he learned it? From his father?

[Buttons2]

Well, I blame today's video games for much of the violence with kids. I know of lots of kids that spend all their time playing these games instead of getting outside & working off the energy doing something constructive or fun. guessing I grew up in the last generation to be appalled by violence!