New Member Desperately needs help

[livinghappy]

After 9 1/2 long years of abuse supporting my self and raising his standards of living I became disabled permanently 2 months after my DX
he physically attacked me. I had had enough due to lack of income on my part It has taken almost 3 years for divorce process to unfold... during this time I have been harrassed, terrorized.... threatened many attempts have been made to break into my apartments Last time was the the night right before my MASTERS HEARING ON DIVISION OF ASSETS.
I cannot get anyone to do anything about any of this the police take down a report and that is the end of it.
I don't have any family close by to help me nor can I get to them (I don't think I want to anyway) I married a man just like my mother!
It is only a matter of time now before I loose my apt as I receive alimony which is a whole lot less then spousal support. And not enough for me to get by on even with my SSDI and my rent is only 400.00 a month.
I checked with HUD and section 8 or the projects and they have lost ALL their funding from the GOV'T so what is a person like me to do?
Only choice I have is to live in the streets..... Anyone else been in this position?
can anyone offer any advise?

My Sign on name is a misnomer As I would like to be,

Living happy

[suede]

Living Happy,
My heart goes out to you, as I lived most of my life in abusive relationships, in my case it was men just like dear ole dad.
I can't believe I have now been out of it for 22 years and have been remarried for 20 to a fantastic man, however enough about me, I just want you to know that you can have the "Living Happy" your user name suggest.
It's such a shame that the system makes it so hard to get out of these abusive life styles and get on our feet.
Back when I was going through this I only remember the police and others laughing about what was happening and telling me how I must like it our I'd get out, or the famous, you must deserve it.
Have you tried calling the DV hot line and seeing if there is a shelter that you can stay in to get the help you need to get on your feet and become independent? Hopefully they can give you some advice as to where to turn for help, and keep calling until some one can offer you help. Sometimes it takes just getting the right person to make the connections needed to start the ball rolling.
Please in the meantime feel free to posy or send me a PM and I will do all I can to help..
Bless you and know even though it may seem so you are not alone.
Linda

national hot line number, 1-800-799-7233

[JAVISI]

Living happy,
I am so sorry that you are going through this! I lived with an abusive man for 22 years. It was so hard because my choices were limited. I knew I either had to stay with him or move in with my parents. He was gone all of the time amd resented me for not being able to work and pay all of the bills.:(

I finally swallowed my pride and moved in with my parents, which was hard because my mom is an alcoholic and wants to fight when shr drinks. But the one thing I knew was that I was physically safe from his abuse. He is afraid of my dad so he never really harrassed me. I was able to tune my mom out by getting on the computer or putting my headphones on and listening to music. I had no money, so they supported me for about a year before my Social Security disability kicked:( .

Once Things, finally got settled I moved out. Am I still afraid of him, yed but I am happier now than I have ever been! I rekindled a relationship with a man I dated as a teen. I have never been trated so well and I finally feel safe!

Do you have a restraing order against him, if not I would get one. I know that is just a peice of paper but if he harrases you, he will go to jail! You desrve protection! I don't know why you wouldn't get help from SSI? 400 DOLLARS IS NOT ENOUGH TO LIVE ON! Are you affiliated with any church? You may be able to get some help there. If yjeir is a food pantry in your town, you would qualify to get food! At least that would of set some of your cost of living.

I agree with Suade about calling the Domestic abuse hot line, they know all the things that you can do and what hekp is out there for you. They should know of safe houses that you can go to, so you can get help!

I am sorry that I am unable to help you more, but I have been there and I understand! ,aybe things would be different now with yout mom since you are now an adult. My mom for the most part was pretty good. She was happy to see that I got out of that abusive relationship;) .

Good Luck on what ever you choode to do. This is a great site with people that really understand, I hope you cme back and if anything just tp help. You will see that you are not alome in this. Theor are amny people here that will give you good solid advise and a cyber shoulder to cry on, if you need it!

Congradulations on getting up the nerve to leave him, that is a great first step! You should be proud of yourself! I wish you all of the besy, Javisi:)

[livinghappy]

To all,

I will try the national hotline number. Unfortunately for me all th so called safe houses are FULL of DRUG addicts trying to get off the street till they can't take the withdarawls no more then they go back to the street and just back and forth. THAT is not the place for me to be with the MEDS I have to take Not to mention the stress of living that way just makes my condition worse. As it did when I was still with my X I became so stressed and sick I could never get my pain levels on a bearable level until weeks after I left him.
AS far as my mother I did take off and went there a few years ago even though she knew what I had been through with him she was not able
to help, finacially said I would be too much of a burden on them on even let me stay there for awhile PLUS they were use to be living by themselves that at their ages it disrupted there home to have company.
(mind you this was before I became ill I did all the cooking and cleaning waited on them hand and foot and did not need to stay there very long just long enough to find an apt as I had already found a very high paying job in their area at BAYLOR MEDICAL CENTER) Needless to say it was only a few days later that husband showed up to take me home. I went with him as if nothing had happened and I had gone to parents for just a little visit
so I would not cause problems for my parents. NO, MY PARENTS DID NOT CALL HIM HE HAD ALREADY FOUND ME!
Right now he knows where I live even with all the precautions we took through the courts etc he knows my address and my apt is easy to find.
I have agency ladies that come in everyday to help me with activities of daily living. They are only here for a few hours everyday
But my coordinator is going to try to pull some strings and get me moved out of here. Right now that is the best I can do.
Will PM particulars to indiviuals who asked?
Any other suggeations are appreciated. MY LAST NAME is the dead giveaway as to anyone looking for me or not as it automatically connects me to his family which is well known in a wide 4 county area here If I move out of this area I will no longer receive the help I am getting (not available in other counties some is and some is'nt) Can't go back to maiden name as he knows that. And can't change name as it is published in NEwspaper.

HELP!
Just LIVIN NOW

[suede]

LivingHappy,
I have sent you an e-mail.
Linda

[suede]

I have re-sent the e-mail, I hope you have received it.
You have been on my mind so very much.
Lina

[am I Clearly Me?]

LivingHappy,

I'm so sorry you're in this situation; it sounds like sooner or later you'll need to leave your area, due to the Section 8/HUD situation there. I'm glad you're calling the Hotline; they can sometimes be a lot of help. I understand about the shelter thing; I have a friend currently in a battered women's shelter, and she says that though it's great in many ways there are way too many druggies & alcoholics there, and the fallout from their behavior is so bad she's on the verge of returning to her husband temporarily. Which scares me; I don't know which situation is worse for her to be in. This coming week, though, she & I are going to go look at HUD-subsidized apts. for the disabled. I'm also disabled & really need to move (long, unrelated story), so if we find someplace halfway decent maybe we'll get apts. in the same building. She'd like us to get an apt. together, but I just can't handle having a roommate of any sort and know it wouldn't work. I may have Asperger's Syndrome, in addition to everything else; am working on getting a formal assessment to find out - either way I'm very limited in how much I can handle being around other people. I have a major need for solitude.
CM

Hope to hear how you're doing.

[Buttons2]

How I changed my last name-when went to divorce court the judge asked what last name I wanted for the future,I gave him a name & he just ASSUMED it was my maiden name....not so! This was nearly 20yrs ago. Never had any issues concerning this. Something for you to consider.....

Good luck,Buttons
P.S. I discovered the possibility of doing this through a law book written for women!

[livinghappy]

Buttons,

I never saw a judge everything was settled at a Masters MEETING
as I was so worked up and scared over the attempted break-in the night before. My attorney pressured me into settling then instead of waiting for a hearing due too her high charges and my money running out.
So now what do I do? ANd I want to change my last name also like you did to a made up one or has the opportunity passed?

Would love to hear

living

[JAVISI]

Livin,
It seems like your options are so limited! I live in the midwest and after a severe beating, Social Services sent me and my children to a woman house temporarily in a small town to be safe. But I live in the midwest. I can't imagine that you would not be able to get assistance from Social Services. I know that we don't like going to get help there but again I swallowed my pride and went. After all that is what it is there for! ;)
I can understand why you wouldn't want to go to a shelter, why are the drug abusers fetting help before people the people that are being abused, I have a big problem with that!:mad:
I can understand all of the feelings that you are feeling, especially being scared, isolated, beat down and just plain tired, I could go on but I won't. You are despiratly in need of help. I am so sorry that your parents thought of you as a burden, talk about kicking someone when they are already down! I don't know where you live but I can't beleive that there isn't some help out there! I am so thankful that I did have some where to go! I would have been so scared living alone! Like you are. You are stonger than I was when I first left. I have strength but it is weakened at times I still feel the fear of him!I have vivid dreams of him coming after me, scars that will always be there and be a part of me but they are slowly healing!
We all deserve to live a safe and happy life without being in fear all of the time. I would think that in this day and age, there has got to be help out there! I am struggling to think...:confused: I will keep thinking. Can you get on the computer and look up help for domestic abuse victims? I would give it a try. I will pray for you that some door will open up for you and NOT the door back to him!
Talk to you soon, Javisi;)

[Buttons2]

OK, here's what I'd do. As far as I know anyone has the right to change their last name legally. I didn't change mine because of abuse,I just didn't want his last name (ashamed I'd actually married the creep). It was on the divorce papers anyway I believe

The whole point of your situation is to not be so easy to locate right? Different states might have different laws concerning this? Maybe contact your state attorney's office & ask how you can legally change your last name? All I had to do was change my SS & driver's license,just the things you need to do when you get married & take their last name,no big deal.

Wishing you luck,use all the resources available to you! Please keep us informed how you're doing-we have been in your shoes & understand. For me the abuse was with husband #1,but I'll never forget the horrific feeling of actually being so scared of him that my mouth froze & I could NOT scream for help! Actually looking back I'm lucky to be alive. He's a psychopath (FBI confirmed that). Hopefully he's rotting in prison somewhere.....but ya know what? I still have nightmares he'll show up someday & it's been nearly 25 yrs since I last saw him!

Hang in,Buttons

[81 cherries]

happy...
i sent you a message. just and idea...hope it helps.

[suede]

Have any of you heard from Livinghappy?

Linda

[Buttons2]

No word on here since June I see. Are some of you keeping in touch with her? Is there some way to check on her & find out if she's OK? Does anyone know where she lives?

Pray that she is OK!
Send me a PM if you have any info.
Buttons

[livinghappy]

Sorry to everyone I am still here.
New developments:

Found out that my attorney is best friends with hubbys sister and she knew who I was halfway through this whole mess and did not disqualify herself. Nor did she help me in anyway. Still don't know what to do about this.
hubby showed up at my door a few weeks before final divorce papers were to be signed and said he was NOT going to sign divorce papers.
(Good thing about that is my spousal support stays as it is and I can afford to stay in my apt) Bad thing is I don't trust him I fired my attorney after the stunt she pulled and I cannot afford to retain anyone else. Also he can change his mind at anytime and go sign divorce papers.

Needless to say I ripped him up one side and down the other when he showed up at my door and I also have all the court documents where him and his attorney LIED. THe domestic relations (for spousal support) hearing
papers when He lied about his income he had gotten a promotion at work and received a 8,000 yr raise and it had'nt showed up in the paystubs he provided
but he knew about it. So many lies.....
I need to lay low now and try to recover my loses and try to get some money together incase he comes along and tries to screw me again.
My family in Texas is paying for a plane ticket for me to go there for the holidays so that I can get away from all this for awhile and I am sure
that when they find out everything they will help me out some if they are able.
I really appreciate everyones concern I don't type much but I do lurk here on the forums and read alot.

Hugs to all,
Livin
PS If anyone has any better advice for me to do other then what I am doing let me know as I am just on self-preservation mode at this time

[suede]

(((Livin)))

I'm really glad you ck'ed in, just know we are all family here and when someone drops out we get concerned for them, try to just drop a line once in a while so we know your okay.

Here is a suggestion that I highly recommend you do about the problem with your crooked attorney, what ever do not let her get by with this, you see I had something very similar happen when my ex kidnapped my 2 daughters years ago, I won't go in to the details as they are long and very emotional, but my supposed attorney was bought off and friends and drinking buddies with my ex's dad, as was the judge that heard the case.

Form a letter with what has taken pace with your "attorney" and what you know now and with as much actual information that you have to prove this.
Then send it not only to your ex attorney but at the bottom of the letter add this,
CC:
(your state) Bar Association
(your state)General Attorneys Office

Then send an actual copy off this letter top both offices, I assure there will be action taken, as the law is clear that whenever any complaint is filed they HAVE to investigate, then it will be decided if there is enough evidence to go forward.

Myself I would do it even if you don't think they will be able to get enough evidence to take any action against her, at least then she will think twice about what she has done and if nothing else she will sweat it for awhile and hopefully they will be able to bring action against her!!

With that said just let me say now that I'm very happy to hear that you will be able to spend the holidays with your family, I'm sure it will be a real treat for all of you.

However don't let the ex know you will be gone, mine found out once I was leaving home for awhile and broke in to my house and sold or destroyed everything I owned, I don't want to discourage your trip only to bring awareness as to what the A** H**** will do. You might also make sure you alert the police and any neighbors to keep an eye out for your place and have the post office hold you mail and the newspaper if you get it.

Again remember your cared about here and missed when not heard from.

Linda

[livinghappy]

Thanks LInda,
For your kind words and food for thought, I think your right I should report my attorney... 2 days after my hearing she had a party to go to at my x-sister-in -laws house that is why she insisted I sign the papers. Insisting I would not get a better deal with a Judge involved, Maybe a warning from her that Judge was paid off already tooo??? who knows way tooo many lies they got away with! But I'm still LIVIN

[suede]

Livin,

I know when I first got out my DV relationship I would let anyone and everyone walk all over me, cause were taught to try to keep the peace and not make any waves, I still after over 20 years have to be careful not to fall back in to the same traps.

Also if maybe if you do this you will be able to get the ruling reversed due to what you r lawyer did and you being under such extreme pressure, who knows, I just wish you the best.

Linda

[Buttons2]

Livin, I hope your life will get better in the near future. I would also urge you to report the attorney. Be safe.
Buttons

[Cry Tears]

I would contact the district attorney AND your senitors!
This is so wrong, your attorney is clearly on HIS side!
I would file the biggest law suit ever...and drag a few names into the news papers!
I'm sending you big hugs...and pray you'll find a way out of that mess!
I'm hoping you'll be able to get as far away as possible from everyone who's betrayed you!
Hugs, cheryl

[Kashis]

I was in that same position and so was my cousin what I know is that there are shelters that will get you back on your feet and get you to where you need to be and get a restraining order this way when he shows up he will be arrested the shelters can get you on hud also chek your local welfare agency as they can help you too

The police won't do anything without a restraining order in place learned this one too the help is out there you just have to reach out start by searching your state on the internet for help with dv like search dv help mn for instance and see what you can find there are alot of options out there I didn't know of them either as I couldn't think straight my cousin had an awesome family to push her to get the help needed I will pray for you and wish you the best keep us posted and I pray you find good news