Introduction

[ICU2]

Greetings, everyone

I've been lurking for some time, and thought it would be a good idea to register and post!

I've been dealing with chronic back pain for the past 10 years. I first began having trouble with my lumbar area (herniated disc at L4/5) and went through 2 separate rounds (3/ea) of ESI's. It got so bad I thought I was going to have to have surgery to correct the problem. After loosing 70lbs it seemed to take care of itself. What I couldn't reverse, however, was the DDD throughout my spine.

I began having radiculopothy into my left shoulder and down into my hand, which eventually got so bad I began receiving ESI's into my cervical spine. I also tried physical therapy, traction and just plain time. Nothing worked. I ended up down at the Mayo Clinic and underwent an ACDF at c5/6 just about 3 years ago. Unfortunately, I'm still dealing with DDD above the fusion point, as well as daily pain. I am able to work, but sitting at my computer all day causes significant pain! I try to move around as much as I can, but it's getting more-and-more difficult. I'm learning to accept the fact that this is the way it's going to be.

A difficult part of this is my wife's view/reaction to pain medication. She's pretty much against it, and it's caused more than one major "discussion". I know I'm not taking as much as I need, but it's literally come down to "you can choose your pain medication or your family..." and THAT my friends has been extremely difficult. (yes, she's actually said that to me) I've tried everything to help her understand, so I don't really need any advice as far as that goes. Just wanted to get that out there as being where I am, currently. I don't know how much more I can stand physically. It's taking a major toll on my emotional well-being.

Well, that's my story (Reader's Digest version, anyway). Nice to meet everyone and I'm glad to have a place to get some things off my chest!

-G-

[debhun]

Hey good to have you aboard. Sorry to hear you are in so much pain. But you have came to the right place. Everone here has helped me thought a lot of stuff and some had to push me a little. But they are great people here.
I am so sorry your wife doesn't understand your pain. there is a few here that is in the same boat with you. I hope that you can come pain free or at less have some relief.


Welcome
Deb

[jena1225]

Hi ICU2! Glad you came aboard to post!

Sorry you are in pain, and I hope getting it off your chest helped! I know you were not looking for any advice, but did you have a question about anything? I do know there will be some to come along with different treatment options that you may have not considered, so hang in there, and good luck!

[ICU2]

Thanks so much for your replies...

I didn't mean to make it sound like I didn't want any advice. :) What I meant was that I've tried everything to help my wife understand that using medication for pain is similar to using medication for other conditions that require it as has been stated on this forum.

pretty much been through the ringer, and as I said have tried a lot of conservative therapies prior to surgery, but I'm sure I will have some questions. I also hope that I can offer some help to others.

-G-

[Kathi49]

Welcome ICU2,

I've had the C3/C4 and C5/C6 fused so I know about the pain regarding the computer all day...when I was working. :eek: :D

I haven't had any problems with my "medications" in reference to my husband. In the beginning of all this; yes, he had issues with my pain because he didn't understand it. But he eventually came around. Anyway, as Deb said, there are a few here that have issues with spouses and meds. Hopefully, they will come by. :)

Sooo...welcome again and you HAVE come to the right place. :)

[jena1225]

Thanks so much for your replies...

I didn't mean to make it sound like I didn't want any advice. :) What I meant was that I've tried everything to help my wife understand that using medication for pain is similar to using medication for other conditions that require it as has been stated on this forum.

pretty much been through the ringer, and as I said have tried a lot of conservative therapies prior to surgery, but I'm sure I will have some questions. I also hope that I can offer some help to others.

-G-

Well ok then! lol. I threw that in there just in case, as I did want to say what I did, but I did not want to run you off! :p

I won't say this is the BEST way, but it was my only way, as I KNEW I would have to "fight" for my DH to understand, and to be honest, I just knew I would do it anyway, and did not feel like fighting.

My DH knew for months that I had been taking a small amount, (the pain was not AS bad at the time), but when I REALLY started to go downhill, and my dosages were increased, I just did not say anything. And when they were increased again, same thing. But, my DH could see how much pain I was in, so when it came time for him to know, he did better understand, but not without that small "fight" I had avoided up until then.

I cannot remember the whole conversation, but, although an emotional spat, I basically just stood my ground. I was in PAIN! I reminded him of all the problems, and that UNTIL they get fixed I do not want to live in pain!

But, he was not as resisitant as your wife, I will say that. I can understand her resistance, of course! However, I really do think that she should be reminded that it is not HER going through all the pain. I just don't see that being a "2-way street", and marriage is just that. If the tables were turned?

She should at the VERY least go with you to your Dr's appt, look at the MRI's, listen to what the Doc says. If not, then she is not holding up her end of the bargain when she married you. JMHO.

Best wishes to you!

[Mark N]

ICU2, glad you found this place as it is a good place to vent, get some help, and share the knowledge you have gained along the way.

I haven't had the medicine unltimatum from my wife but she saw me go through two fusions without strong pain medication and was more informed by the time I started taking them. It hasn't stopped her from bringing it up and throwing in my face when she is upset. I haven't found a good way to get her to see it either but I know it has gotten better over time. It may take your wife seeing you off pain meds and see the condition you are in then maybe she would be glad to have you on meds and getting by. Just a thought. Welcome aboard.

[Lea]

Welcome aboard.

Although my DH can be a real jerk, he has never really thrown the med issue at me because he does remember me being rolled up in a ball and screaming. He is tired of the day to day living with someone in pain and forgets how bad it was when I was unable to work.

I think the suggestion of having your wife go with you to doctor appts is a good one. Are you seeing a pain management doc?

[curiousforever]

Welcome to the board - sorry you need to be here though.

Luckily my hubby never has said anything about my meds. Even when I was taking the ones that caused me to sleep all the time - I decided however that in order to function I had to take less and live with more pain - we have 4 boys to take care of!

I also have arthritis (DDD or DJD??) - in my lumbar and cervical spine. Nerve problems in my arms and legs. Major muscle spasms in my shoulders - as well as loose ligaments so my shoulder pops out sometimes. And of course they can't figure out what is wrong with me.

Luckily I have a doc that didn't argue with what I need to take --and I'm going for another round of tests as the nerve problems have gotten worse and it's been over a year since I've had tests other than blood work. All my tests contradict the other tests...

That's my condensed version I guess....I'm so sorry about your wife. If you haven't taken her with you to appointments - I would have her go with you....that was a great suggestion.

[ICU2]

Thank you all so much for the connection!

I've tried everything. In all honesty, I struggled with alcohol for some time, but have been clean for a little over 6 months! I know she's reacting to the addiction -vs- dependence issue. I tried to deal with chronic pain on my own terms when I should have sought help early on. I don't think we would be in this situation had I simply avoided "home remedies" and just went to my doctor for help. By the time I did, there was already distrust established, so I know I'm reaping what I sowed. I just hope that she comes around. There are days when I don't think I can make it, and start to day dream about getting my own apartment where I can have my kids over (one in college and one late teens) to visit with me. But I know that's not the path the good Lord would want me to take. So for now it's a :( existence.

Asking her to come to a dr's appointment isn't an issue as she DEMANDS on being there to make sure I don't try and sneak any (stronger) meds from him. He's really compassionate and also tries to reason with her, but to no avail. Currently, I take 30mgs of OC 3 x's daily (1-20 & 1-10). It gives me a little bit of relief, but (as Kathi can verify!! :) ) sitting at one's computer for any length of time can be a KILLER. My neck and shoulders get so painful that it just about drives me to tears some days. Hey, big boys DO cry! :D

Thanks everyone. I know it will help just to vent.

[Kathi49]

ICU2,

:eek: the computer!!!

I had to quit working because of it; actually I retired early (was working in IT). And, yep, cried too...many, many, many times. My PM told me recently no more computer work...EVER! I can sit and post a few notes but to stay on one for 8 hours will kill me. It is just way too much. I get so mad when the SSA comes back and says "light work". Excuse me but how much lighter can you get than sitting and working on a PC? And it is not just that...I never know when I am going to have a flare. So, case in point, I spent the last two days napping...a lot! I do not normally do that. But it hit my lumbar out of the blue. And I know it is from tending to a sick dog...just up and down and up down for a week now. Anyway, my only recourse was to lie down with ice on my knee and heat on my back and to take a Vicodin or two.

Anyway, back to the meds. Your wife needs to understand, and I hope she can, that even after a fusion there CAN be residual pain. There's a lot of us like that on the spinal disorders board. As I said, I have had two and there is one good disc wedged in between the two fusions...I am just waiting for that one to go. And that doesn't even address the ones above and below. So, yep, I need the meds. Right now the neck is pretty good; just a few wacky things from time to time. The back is the one giving me fits. I wish your wife could understand that you need the meds. And maybe with time, the doctor can get through to her that you DO need them. I know my husband didn't understand any of it in the beginning. And yep, I heard some snide remarks. BUT...over time and going with me to the appointments he eventually came around. I guess it took hearing all of it from the doctors. And feel free to vent all you want to...I know I do!

[ICU2]

ICU2,

:eek: the computer!!!

I had to quit working because of it; actually I retired early (was working in IT). And, yep, cried too...many, many, many times. My PM told me recently no more computer work...EVER! I can sit and post a few notes but to stay on one for 8 hours will kill me. It is just way too much. I get so mad when the SSA comes back and says "light work". Excuse me but how much lighter can you get than sitting and working on a PC? And it is not just that...I never know when I am going to have a flare. So, case in point, I spent the last two days napping...a lot! I do not normally do that. But it hit my lumbar out of the blue. And I know it is from tending to a sick dog...just up and down and up down for a week now. Anyway, my only recourse was to lie down with ice on my knee and heat on my back and to take a Vicodin or two.

Anyway, back to the meds. Your wife needs to understand, and I hope she can, that even after a fusion there CAN be residual pain. There's a lot of us like that on the spinal disorders board. As I said, I have had two and there is one good disc wedged in between the two fusions...I am just waiting for that one to go. And that doesn't even address the ones above and below. So, yep, I need the meds. Right now the neck is pretty good; just a few wacky things from time to time. The back is the one giving me fits. I wish your wife could understand that you need the meds. And maybe with time, the doctor can get through to her that you DO need them. I know my husband didn't understand any of it in the beginning. And yep, I heard some snide remarks. BUT...over time and going with me to the appointments he eventually came around. I guess it took hearing all of it from the doctors. And feel free to vent all you want to...I know I do!

Thanks, Kathi!

My home office has an adjustable desk, which allows me to either sit or stand. It raises with the touch of a finger (got it through Relax the Back) and it is GREAT! If I start to hurt, I just raise it up so I can work standing. It's been wonderful. If my office at work wasn't done up with all these great built-in's I would ask them to get one of these for me to use, but I know it's out of the question, and I don't want to get stuck in a cube somewhere. I like where my office is positioned. Windows, windows, windows! :) It's a great distraction for me.

Prior to my surgery I did a LOT of traveling around the country for my work. Since then, my dr pretty much grounded me, so I take a few trips every quarter. I'm just not able to move like I used to. Planes, rental cars, hotels, hauling around luggage, etc. NOPE! And the thing is, I absolutely LOVE my work! (and my company loves me doing my work! :) )

I'm sure everything will work out over time, but it's this place I'm in right now that is pretty difficult. Like I said in my original post, I've been lurking for a while and have seen what most people use to help keep their pain at bay, and I just WISH I could try some of it. I know I would be a better husband, dad, employee, etc. Literally, over the last week I've come home from work, jumped in the hot tub to relax my sore, swollen muscles, and then laid flat in bed. I do see that I'm dealing with some depression as well, and I'm sure that adds to the lethargy, but gravity and the weight of my head are my two worst enemies! :mad: Hey...let's all move to the moon! :)

[Kathi49]

Heeee!

To the moon it is!!! Actually, that does it...now I will have to go to Relax the Back thanks to you and Mark N. LOL! I do have a Relax the Back Computer Chair. Now I want to look at Zero Gravity Chairs and it would be neat to have an adjustable desk. But I am no longer working so I will keep the one I have and, yes, windows surround me here at home.

And I traveled too; all over the country...way before these spinal problems hit. And I have no doubt that toting luggage, rental cars, planes, etc., contributed to some of this. I just know it did because my back would hurt all the time. And having to dress up and wear heels did a J O B too! Actually, and eventually, we women had an uproar over that LOL! We finally were able to dress "down" and then we got to our destination, we could change.

And, you probably already know this but we are all sporting 8-9 lb. bowling ball heads! :D So, isn't that a great visual for a rickety cervical spine? :eek: It is no wonder lying back in a hot tub helps tremendously. :)

[jimac]

Hi ICU2,
Welcome to Brain talk. I am new here too.

Has your wife ever gone to a doctor's appointment with you? Maybe if she went with you she could voice her concerns and discuss this with the doc? It may help if your doctor could address her concern about pain medication. Yep, pain meds to a CP person are just like insulin to a diabetic, medication for a valid reason!

Welcome again, :)
Jim

[ICU2]

Hi ICU2,
Welcome to Brain talk. I am new here too.

Has your wife ever gone to a doctor's appointment with you? Maybe if she went with you she could voice her concerns and discuss this with the doc? It may help if your doctor could address her concern about pain medication. Yep, pain meds to a CP person are just like insulin to a diabetic, medication for a valid reason!

Welcome again, :)
Jim

She has gone with me, and in fact she demands to go. If she didn't care one way or the other, I would just ask my Dr to help me more, but his hands are tied too.

I know it sounds like a strange situation, and I admit it probably is!, but there's really nothing else I can do. I did try sneaking around her back during my time of "self medicating" and I just don't want to do that only with a different substance. Could it be justified. I really do think it could in this instance, but I don't want to do more harm than good. (it would be GOOD for me, but harmful to her!)

Thank you so much for your concern, Jim. Just finding BT and being able to discuss this with people who understand what I face every day means a lot to me.

[jena1225]

She has gone with me, and in fact she demands to go. If she didn't care one way or the other, I would just ask my Dr to help me more, but his hands are tied too.

I know it sounds like a strange situation, and I admit it probably is!, but there's really nothing else I can do. I did try sneaking around her back during my time of "self medicating" and I just don't want to do that only with a different substance. Could it be justified. I really do think it could in this instance, but I don't want to do more harm than good. (it would be GOOD for me, but harmful to her!)

Thank you so much for your concern, Jim. Just finding BT and being able to discuss this with people who understand what I face every day means a lot to me.


I can say that the fact that you "struggled with alcohol" for some time, would give ANY wife reason to be suspicious or untrusting. That changes alot of things regarding why your wife is so resistant.

Can I ask how long you had the alcohol problem? (you did not say "alcoholic", so I won't :)). Were there really bad things that went on during that time? Maybe she just does not believe you, and thinks you just want to self medicate your "depression" :confused:

Just some thoughts, and I am guessing since it has only been 6 months (not a long time), she is just not ready trust you yet.

I hope things turn around for you guys, and that you hang in there and try not to "fall"...

[ICU2]

I can say that the fact that you "struggled with alcohol" for some time, would give ANY wife reason to be suspicious or untrusting. That changes alot of things regarding why your wife is so resistant.

Can I ask how long you had the alcohol problem? (you did not say "alcoholic", so I won't :)). Were there really bad things that went on during that time? Maybe she just does not believe you, and thinks you just want to self medicate your "depression" :confused:

Just some thoughts, and I am guessing since it has only been 6 months (not a long time), she is just not ready trust you yet.

I hope things turn around for you guys, and that you hang in there and try not to "fall"...


I agree, and did indicate within an earlier post on the thread that I know I'm reaping what I sowed and am willing to be patient.

Had I not been through the surgery, and subsequest (recent) tests which indicate problematic discs above my fusion point (EMG and MRI) it would be very easy for her to become suspicious, and I absolutely understand that. I've seen my primary care doctor for the past 16 years, so he knows me very well, and would not prescribe controlled substances for me if I were trying to deal with depression. For that particular medical condition I take Cymbalta, and it does seem to help.

I have no problem talking about my use of alcohol to try and minimize the pain I experience, (based on what I've come to learn, there are many who try and overcome physical pain with this and other substances).

For many years we both drank a glass of wine during and/or after dinner, and that was pretty much the extend of our alcohol consumption. After my surgery I realized if I had juuuuuust a couple more I actually started to feel better. And so it began. What she's really dealing with is the fact that both of her parents are alcoholics, and she and her siblings were subjected to terrible episodes of abuse. It never got that bad at our home, but I will be the first to admit I did use alcohol to attack the pain. I do attend a Christian AA-type meeting each week just so I can remain accountable, and with the pain issues I deal with it's a real safeguard for me.

As far as I'm concerned there are no subjects off limits, so thank you for asking! :)