anyone else do this... ?

[New2Him2]

I realized just today that I do this :o

I noticed while watching something on t.v. about people looking at someone funny or mean and thinking mean things about them without knowing their situation, and then it came to me...

I do the same thing to myself, but the difference is...... I KNOW my situation... I have MS and I can't do things because of it.

But, for some reason I was appauled at how people look at her without knowing her situation because they can see what her problem is (she was extremely overweight).

But I don't seem to offer myself the same compassion when it comes to me. I know that the MS determines what I can do most of the time because of fatigue, strength (or lack of it), pain, etc.

If I take a shower and blow dry my hair, I am totally worn out. I still haven't found a way to 'look nice' when going somewhere and still have the energy to go and enjoy where I am going :(

I usually look like carp because it even hurts to wear clothes. So I usually wear big t-shirts and loose pants... no make-up, hair not done, etc.

I don't give myself the same compassion and understanding that I would give to someone else.

Does anyone else do this, or has done this.....? How did you or were able to, give yourself the 'ok' to have compassion for yourself? :confused:

[jena1225]

Wow, feels like you read my mind!

Boy, do I! Yes, all the time. I do not treat myself nearly as good as I think others should be treated. I never give myself a break, am very hard on myself, etc...

I am SO much like you, where if I need to go somewhere, I am DONE by the time I get ready. Pain bigtime! Just going to the store and getting a couple things kills me :rolleyes: It has been getting worse for the last several months/weeks, so I am at the point where I barely go anywhere unless I have to. That is so very unlike me, and I have a big family, friends that always get together, and I am not there much anymore :(

Funny thing is my DH friends and family tell me all the time that they understand, but yet I still feel bad, guilty, WEAK, like I need to just suck it up!

WELL, I think I finally got what I wanted that might answer your qeustion. This is big for me :D

Even as they say they understand, I KNOW deep down there has had to be some "doubt" as to just how bad I really am. It's because when anyone ever asks me how I am doing, or if they come visit, I usually downplay my pain and issues, so I don't look like a wimp, whiner, etc... Only DH, REALLY knows, and well he knows I still feel embarrased or weak to everyone for not going anywhere, or being able to do much.

Well, he tells me yesterday that when he was at my brother's house talking to SIL, they were talking about me and she really did not know just how bad I really was, and was shocked! He told her how that by the time I am done getting showered and dressed, I am in so much pan from just doing that, I can't go anywhere, etc, etc, ...

For some reason after he told me this, I kind of felt like it was ok now to give myself a break from the guilt. As if all I ever really care about is how I "look" to others when I bail out on everything, or have to leave early, whatever.

So, it's good and bad. Bad because why should what everyone else thinks have anything to do with how I treat myself. I give everyone I know the benefit of the doubt, and never doubt what they say about how they feel is true. Yet, not for myself :rolleyes:

Good, b/c I actually feel so much better, AND I do feel as though I deserve to give myself a break and be more compassionate to ME.

Thanks N2H2 :), and I hope something happens for you too real soon so you can start feeling the same way. It does feel very relieving and took some sort of weight off my shoulders. So today when I layed down b/c I just cannot keep my eyes open, I did not think that I should be doing something, or that I should stop "giving in" or I was being a "wimp".

Those things are just not true, and you deserve to give yourself a HUG!

((((N2H2))))

[Abby2006]

I'm just now starting to realize its about me and not about everybody else after a lifetime of worrying about everyone else, I'm taking care of me

But I don't care ehat I look like doing it, just as long as I can do it. clothes for me have to be easy to get in and out of

Abby