How do you make caregivers understand?

[annabel]

My great aunt has alzheimers (my dad also died from it) She lives with her brother (my great uncle) her other sister (my mother-in-law) and her other two sisters live in her town.

My mother in law calls me all the time to say how sneaky she is, how she acts like a little kid, how she has a mean streak now, and how she can manage to still "pull it together" when company comes.

I (and every other family member) keep telling them that it's the disease. They continue to berate and yell at her; they keep her favorite foods away from her like candy because she's diabetic (I know she shouln't have it all the time but even on mother's day they wouldn't let her have a piece of cake) When we point out it's the disease, they say "Oh you don't know. A lot of it's acting" Well, I do know. How do I get them to see?

P.S. They refuse to go to the caregivers support group in town. Is there somewhere I can contact to get information to pass along to them that maybe, just maybe, they'll read?

Thanks for letting me ramble.

[Jo6]

It makes me so sad to hear this Annabel. I have to admit, I heard some of these same words coming out of one of my SIL's. Oh how I wanted to beat the crap out of her!!

Of course I didn't, but felt like it.;) It is very confusing to the patient also. We don't know when they understand and what they understand. I'm glad you came by and ramble all you want. The rest of us do this too. Sometimes other people don't understand at all until they go thru this disease from hell!!

I will be back later, I am due some place else at the moment.but wanted to say hi and WELCOME! will talk later, Julia

[Tootsie]

Hi annabel,
Living with someone with Alzheimer's Disease is never fun, although there are times, when the situations get so bizarre, that there is nothing left to do, but laugh. Keeping a sense of humor does help.

There is very little you can do to force anyone to understand. However, any local Alzheimer's Association should have some pamphlets that may be helpful. You will find them listed in your local phone book. Most areas do have some organizations and you have mentioned support groups in your area.

On that subject, you should be more assertive and arrange to pick up your MIL and TAKE her there WITH YOU. Tell her that YOU need more information, especially about services that your great aunt might qualify for.

Many communities have support services, day care centers, "respite" services, etc. Sometimes there are parties and outings where your great aunt and MIL can both go. Volunteers are provided to make sure the AD patient is always supervised. Here, they have weekend camps...in the woods, where caregivers and patients can go. Meals are provided and there are hikes, volleyball, swimming, etc. If the caregiver wishes to participate in games and activities, a volunteer is available to provide care and comfort to the AD patient.

Keep in mind that your MIL may be in need of some respite herself. You might see if she accepts your offer to stay with your great aunt while she goes to have her hair done, have lunch with a friend, go to a movie, the library, etc. You also need to be aware when the line is crossed from simply berating her, into emotional abuse. Alzheimer's patient's can be quite clever at hiding certain activities and giving plausible answers when questioned about bizarre behavior. They can fade in and out of reality in the same conversation!

Sometimes, the habits of a lifetime will help them continue to function acceptably, as you indicate by saying that when company comes, she acts more normal. All of us were trained in childhood to be on our best behavior when there were guests in the house. Her generation was rigidly schooled in such manners. Don't we wish our grandchildren were also? (Sigh.) :D

Let us know how things progress. Jo6 and I check this site at least a few times a week. Cheerio.

[annabel]

Thanks for all your help and info.