Are ther any law enforcement members? OT

[JAVISI]

dEAR fRIENDS,
I WAS JUST WONDERING IF THERE ARE ANY LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICERS THAT ARE ON THIS SITE?? I have some questions.
I am so angry and sad and wondering what is going on, how can I vent and get the answers that I need.

I will tell you a little bit of what is going on in my life. My son is locked up in the County Jail. He did a very stupid thing and I agree he needs to be punished for it! So please don't get me wrong on that part of my anger!

My son was at a bar drinking, he was driving home without his lights on, a police officer tried t pull him over. He fled, Only God knows why?? They set up a road block on an icey street. His car is a peice of junk and a stick shift. He slamed on his brakes, And slid into a Deputy Sheriffs car. The impact knocked him out. His car then bounced forward again and as his Lawyer says from the Video the deputy jumped in between both cars with his car already moving forward and my son knocked out.

The deputy was hit after shooting to kill my son he missed his head by 6 inches. Why would he shoot to kill, he put himself in harms way. This is all on police video.

This Deputy just had a son die in Irac, I beleive he is angry and taking it out on others going above and beyond what he should have done!
2 days later he was back on duty carrying his gun. That is my issue! No one will listen to me! It has taken it's toll on me physically and mentally. I am at my breaking point!

The Sheriffs office where the county jail is has had many problems in the recent past. Some kids got busted for weed and alcohol, the charges had to be dismissed because the officers were also drinking?? One of the Deputies shot off his gun in the Sally port?? They also got in trouble for inappropriate use of their cell phones?? I could go on but I am tired.

They dropped a lt of my son's charges due to the Deputies behavior! So here I am my son has been in jail since January his next court date is in July. I just can't take it much more. On my last visit I aspirated and had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital. I got a breathing treatment and antibiotics with strict orders to rest!

I am sorry that I carried on so long I am just frustrated that he literally was aiming to kill him. We live in a small town, they knew who he was. He is not a trouble maker. The jailers tell me often, he does not belong in here with these prisoners. He is not like them!

What do I do with all of this anger? I am usually happy and try to help others as I was a Registered Nurse and cared for the patrolmen when they would get into scuffles.

I want to help my son and others but I don't know how. No one from AA will go into that jail for some reason?? They will go every where else??

Thanks for letting me vent! would appriciate any answers!

Dreaming Big with hope for inner Peace for all! Javisi:)

[moose53]

((((((Javisi)))))),

I'm sorry :( I'm not law enforcement. I think there are a few on here. Hopefully, they'll see your message.

I just have some ideas.

I, too, have experience with a son driving when he shouldn't be (way too angry after his Father's death and after a fight with me).

He too was shot at. He drove through three towns until they put down the stop sticks. No one was hurt, but, the officer that shot at him thought that my son was trying to run him over -- that's why he shot. My son didn't see him because there was only supposed to be one officer per car on this shift. The officer with the gun got out of the opposite side of the car.

They charged my son with attempted murder of a police officer. He pleaded guilty. He had a drunken public defender (3 times in court drunk; I was there). He ticked off the judge with his attitude so the judge gave him the maximum -- 10 years. These should have been driving charges. Not attempted murder. I've seen the same situation many times over the past ten years -- they all got charged with driving offenses.

Here's a place where you might feel free enough to talk. I'd register with a different username than the one you use anywhere else.
http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/

I have some thoughts about the deputy. I believe you're right -- he should not have a gun in his hand at a time in his life like this. He probably should be out on sick leave for awhile. I've seen out-of-control policeman. My uncle was a state trooper with an anger management problem and a drinking problem. He shot at the ceiling to scare my aunt. The darn bullet went right through the ceiling. He's lucky no one was up there. His fellow officers got him out of there and stayed with him until he sobered up. Not the first time he'd ever done that.

I would have a private, off-the-record meeting with: first, the district attorney, then the head of the state troopers, then the attorney general. If none of those accomplish getting the gun out of the deputy's hand and cleaning up the local sheriff's office, then I would start speaking on-the-record.

It's unconscionable that your town is tolerating such horrid behavior from the people in the sheriff's office. Do you have selectmen or town meeting members?? I think it's time a few of the citizens got together and DEMANDED that the behavior at the sheriff's department be cleaned up.

It's interesting that members of the AA won't go there. Sounds like there might be some sort of subtle harassment going on. That can be solved at another time. One thing that you might want to do is talk to your local priest or minister or rabbi and see if he/she will visit and also find out if there are any religious visitors' programs from the churches in your town.

My son was in state correctional facility up until 8/9 months ago. They moved him to a state facility due to overcrowding and gang problems at other prisons. There's church workers every day visiting those who want the visits.

Now THE ANGER:

Oh, believe me. I know that feeling. I still cannot understand how kids can go completely against what they are raised to believe in.

They should not have been chasing my son. I wanted him off the street because he was too angry to be driving. They misunderstood what I said: "he has my card key". They heard: "he has my car". So, they were chasing him as though he were driving a stolen vehicle.

I heard on the police radio that there were shots fired. I thought I would have a heart attack. It wasn't until the next day that I found out what happened.

It's a very hard lesson to learn, but I believe that we have to allow our grown children to make (and pay for) their own mistakes. My son never saw the consequences of any of his behavior. His Father always used to back off from disciplining him. The teachers *loved him* and backed off from discipline because they didn't want to hurt the sweet little boy (yeah, right :mad: ). It doesn't teach kids or young adults anything if someone's always rescuing them.

Javisi, I know how all-over-the-place your feelings are. Scared to death at the thought that you might have lost your child because of a gun-crazed (probably slightly suicidal) deputy. I worry about that deputy, too. He shouldn't be experiencing the loss of his son. That's another soapbox, though. Angry at your son for bringing hell down on himself and his family.

I understand all of that. The best way is to TALK ABOUT IT. I read a phrase in a book once: Tea and talk is Jewish therapy. You drink tea and talk until your experiences become just memories that you share with others.

Javisi, the worst part is over. Your son is not badly injured, or worse, dead. Hopefully, he's learned that he needs to control his drinking and that he should never drive if he's been drinking. Obviously, he was more impaired than he thought he was or he would have been able to drive without an accident.

You know, Javisi, I was just thinking, if there's not a group of church workers that visit the local prisons and jails, that might be something that you might want to start.

You want to do something ACTIVE, that will help bring down the anger level -- bringing religion to jail will certainly help that.

It doesn't have to be religion. It could be anger management exercises, or methods of calming yourself, or maybe tutoring for English or for ESL or for GED. A lot of different things.

Basically, what you want to accomplish is bring some more caring and nurturing energy into the jail. It'll help you. It'll help others.

One thing about talking with parents and relatives of other prisoners. You might HATE what the other prisoner did. But, the parents and the relatives and the kids are feeling the same sorts of things that you are. Fear. Anger. Lost.

Everyone understands those feelings. The anger comes because of a feeling of loss of control. You're gonna have to give up the anger and give up all the control. Let G-d and The Universe control the big stuff. You take care of the local things that "just aren't right and need to be fixed". AND, you take care of yourself.

You have to BREATHE deeply and feel the air filling the beautiful lungs that
G-d gave you. Once you allow your breathing to calm, everything will calm right after it. You can do your best work when you take care of the one thing that needs to be taken care of at this minute -- one thing at a time. Eventually, some things won't need to be done -- the dog will pee on top of the vomit on the floor and you won't have to bother washing the floor :D Your son will be out of jail :cool: And my son will be out of prison :cool: We'll both get down on our knees and thank G-d that our sons are safe. Then we do what needs to be done next.

This is another thing that might help you, Javisi. Even though you live in a small town, it sounds like some things are out-of-control or maybe need to be handled in a new and different way. Talk to everyone in your town that will listen to you. The talking will help YOU. And the talking and listening will help heal your town.

Bless you. BIG HUGS.

Barb http://chocolate-moose.p5.org.uk/MINIS/holding-hands.gif

[JAVISI]

Barb,
Thank you so much for your responce. I have really been feeling alone in dealing with problem. I have been so sick and just plain weak. I know part of it is the stress I feel about this situation! Thank you for the suggestions. I have felt like mush most days. I just went to the jail to see him yesterday. He is doing well considering the circumstanses. He is in a cell block alone, they don't lock his door he is the only prisoner able to walk around freely. He gets to do the laundry, mop and things like that it really helps him just to be able to do these things. I guess it makes time go by faster! I brought his 3 year old daughter up to see him. I get such joy when I see the smiles on their faces when they see eachother.

He does go to Church services. He was brought up always going to chuch. It helps him that he has faith and I have made it this long through my faith. I have gone to some higher ups about the things that are wrong in this system! They have made some good changes in the jail but they sure have a long way to go yet!

The Officer that shot at him had to arrest his son on a robbery charge, one day this week. So I am sure homelife isn't the greatest for him, another reason I think he needs some time off and his gun taken away from him! I forgot to tell you that 2 rounds were missing from his gun and he has no recollection of shyooting at my son or where or when he fired a second bullit!:mad: .

I truely think in my heart that thing will be okay with him when he gets out! He is starting to appriciate his childhood and being able to be with his daughter.

We are so lucky to have our son's but I am still frustrated with all of the injustices.:(

I went to a new Internist the day before yesterday. My daughter went with me. It was so nice to spend some time alone with her. This new Dr is about 45 minutes away. We went out to eat after my Dr's appointment. It was a nice day but I didn't get the greatest news. My lungs and diaphram are functioning at about half the capasity they should be. And my heart is okay but it is stiff so it has to work extra hard to pump, causing a backflow, which in turn gives me a lot of swelling!

I have just been exhausted here lately! But it is nice to know that I have a friend that truely understands!
Dreaming Bi and Reaching for the Stars! Javisi;)

[JAVISI]

I am so hoping that anyone will reply that can give me some information. I know that people don't like to give advice about this sort of thing and beleive that my son is getting what he deserves!

I agree with all of that but I still don't beleive that the Deputy should have shot at his head! Anyway, any one have any thoughts good or bad I would like to hear them!

Thanks, Javisi:)

[Buttons2]

Wow, what can I do to help you Javisi? I just read the story here,I thought your son had fled police in a car chase (correct), but had no idea about the shooting!

I know you live in the midwest & I'm recalling my own horror story with my then 14 yr old son in Nebraska,I thought I was in the land of aliens-no kidding! This all comes back to me clear as day. The jail,the lawyers,the DA's,I went through a nightmare that was so weird it was unbelievable! Talk about small town politics!

And I have a clear idea of what the court appointed attorney would have done for your son! (less than nothing).

Crytears used to be a deputy sheriff,maybe she recalls the letter of the law about such an episode? You might send her a PM-tell her I sent you to her.

Try to focus on the positive,he will be getting out next month,he's not in with gang members,he's allowed to see you & his daughter....and remember this too shall end. Your son has learned a harsh lesson the hard way. This could very well have turned out much worse,in fact it's too awful to think about!

Real life is never like what we see on TV. I agree completely that the policeman should never have even been on duty,my heart goes out to him losing his son in this war. And the only reason I can see that he was allowed to stay on duty-the good ole boy's network! I'd think most jurisdictions would have put him on paid leave until a full investigation,but what do I know? Maybe they are too short of staff in a small town as it is?

If the standard punishment there is 6-7 mos for driving drunk & reckless driving (or whatever the actual charge was), I'd guess there is nothing more you can do?

Your son had a close call-in more ways than one! Keep your positive thoughts,don't allow the anger to damage your health,look forward to his release,and just getting on with life. Someday this will all be just a bad memory.

I sure don't envy cops or their families these days,the pressures & demands of their jobs must be overwhelming to say the least. We don't walk in their shoes.....try to forgive if possible. Nobody was killed and that's a good thing!

Gentle HUG,Buttons

[joy]

hi, i am just NOW reading this! i was hoping to hear from laurie and see how she is doing today so i followed her threads here. i am so forgetful. i am now going to check my e-mail and see if i have anything from the past that i have forgotten, like a phone number! i hope everyone that knows me also knows that my mind short changes me, as i truly do not remember everything.

i am going to look back now and see if i have anything so i can find out how javisi is doing. take care my friend laurie and let us know how things are going.

[JAVISI]

Dear Friends,
I am so lucky to have the support that I have from all of you! I want you to know that I really appriciate it!!!:D
My son is doing as well as expected, next month it will be 6 months that he has been in the county jail. I complained and e-mailed many people about what happened. Most people just sent5 me on to another person. Mostly passing the buck. I did get a letter from the Govener, and he agreed things didn't seem right so he forwarded what my complaints were to the jail standards board to look at.

The last time I was there my son told me that OSHA was there. Something must have made them question what is going on that jail! You are so right about it being a good old boys club. I dealt with the police and sherrifs deputies in the ER before and they stick close to eachother and I know that when one of their own gets hurt they take it like they all were hurt! They don't look at it that the Deputy put himself in harms way!

I am hoping my son will get time served and probation. I just don't know what is going to happen. He goes to court on the 16th of July. All of the jailers really like my son and let him out of his cell to clean, do laundry ect. They have told me and him that they want5 to get away from the others that are in jail because they do not think he belongs in jail with them.He is a funny and kind hearted person that would never intentionally hurt another person. But he also did something stupid by driving while drunk and trying to run from the police. I truely beleive he has learned his lesson.

Now I am trying to deal with my grandaughter, his girl, she is such a daddy's little girl. She can't wait for him to get out. I may get her for a couple of days later in the week. I go to see my son every Thursday, and I always bring her with me.

Besides trying to help care for her I am having to deal with the trouble that my daughter has gotten herself into, by choosing the wrong type of guy. And her son being placed in foster care over night and then into her aunts custody. She gets to see him 3 days a week supervised. They said in a hearing yesterday, That she could get him within the next month. I am hoping and praying! She loves her little guy so and it breaks my heart to see hers breaking.

Enogh about all of this bad stuff, I am plain tired of the drama and pain. I keep trying to Dream Big, some days are harder than others!:(
Love, Laurie:)

[moose53]

((((((Laurie)))))),

http://chocolate-moose.p5.org.uk/MINIS/huggiebears-mini.gif

I'm glad that 'things' are looking better for your son. It's good -- very good -- that the people incarcerating him like him. That means he's not totally lost yet. I pray that he realizes how much he can lose if this ever happens again.

Tres interesting about OSHA coming in -- they don't send in government agencies like that unless the problems are "obvious" and "repairable". I'll bet there will be huge changes at that place in the not-too-distant future.

You've really got your hands full with your kids and your grandbabies, huh :( I can only imagine how much stress that puts on you. But, I always figure that The Universe puts the *GOOD ONES* in charge of the kids that really need help and support and love.

I wish we understood WHY some kids have such a harder time growing up than other kids. It's almost like there's a "bigger picture" that we're not seeing. I do know what you do to save the small ones is being done to save The Universe.

Big Hugs. Glad 'things' are looking up.

Barb

[Cry Tears]

OK...a little police humor here.
Well...I'm a little tongue in cheek here telling this here in an open forum, but...I graduated Sheriffs academy 1974...won't say which town, that helps a bit.
Each agency has vastley differing rules/laws for their "code of ethics" and how they handle and veiw each incident.
But basically follow the same guidelines...Protect and serve is what we were sworn into.
In my day any time the use of deadly force, using a weapon, was immediate cause for administrative leave (time out) till all the facts were in and weighed carefully for all involved. This took at least a week.
You'd have to go before a "board" where a mini hearing took place.
But like I said...that was long ago and things have changed over the years.

One thing I'd urge you to do is go to the Sheriff him/herself.
You have every right for this....
The Sheriff is responsible for his Deputy's actions. They answer to him.
The Sheriff is also responsible for the county jail within his county.
I'd urge you to call the SO and ask just who is the Sheriff there in the county the incident happened in.
Then call him/her and ask for a meeting face to face.
I did this a few years ago when a couple deputy's acted in ways I felt weren't proper.
If you feel you're not getting anywhere with the Sheriff, then you go the chain of command....FBI!
Don't allow this to be brushed under the table.
Take this to the news media...make your story be heard. Demand justice!
Yes..your son was wrong for running away...but nothing horrible done here.
He's being punished and serving his time...perhaps during the next hearing the judge will let him go because of his good behavior...that says a lot!
Lets pray this happens.
It sounds like there's a deputy that has a heavy finger.
I'd be scared having this person "protecting and serving" in my neck of the woods. I've been in much worse altercations than what your son did and I NEVER ever thought of shooting then...if I had it was shoot to kill!
I have no problem with that...but never felt deadly force was needed.
The public needs to know this deputy has a trigger happy finger and is not safe having a person like this out in the public...too scary!
Sounds like he'd be better off working in the county jail as a gaurd washing dishes with the trusties!
I pray things start looking up for you...hugs, cheryl
PM me and tell me which county you're in.
I have more info for you, but must keep it private.

[JAVISI]

Barb and Moose,
Thank you so much for your kindness. Somedays I feel like I am in this by myself, which does not help my sickness. I feel exhausted all of the time! And to top it all of I have had to deal with my ex over this. I say we need to put our feelings for each other aside and do what we need to do for our children, but he does not seem to want to do that! He knows that it hurts me when he says mean things to my dad. Inthe Sherrifs office he told my dad to SHUT THE F@#$ UP! I am protective of my dad you see he almost died of a cerebral Aeurysm! I really dislike that man! But I am an adult and can put my feelings aside for the sake of my children. You see my ex feels like he did nothing wrong! He blames my dad for my leaving him. I left because I could no longer live with the abuse!:(

My son is holding his own better than I am! It is so hard to care for my grandaughter, I just can not keep up with her but I am able to for her sake. When I am down she always makes me smile! I go to see my son today, I am so tired I plain just don't feel like going but he lives for his visits. I am so tired of the legal system!:rolleyes: . I do think that I complained enough, even wrote to the Govener and he forwarded my e-mail to the jail Standard Board. I am not doing this just for my child but for others that go to jail. It is like they have a good old boys mentality!

I am afraid to write an opoen letter in the newspaper or the TV until he is sentenced! The Judge may just give him the maximum sentence due to me and I guess I am afraid to risk that! My stress level is as high as it can go! Somedays I just can't deal with it all, but what else can I do. I have faith in my son. I know that he has learned a lesson the hard way. I have always told my kids that they were at a high risk of becoming an al;coholic or drug abuser due to the alcoholics on both sides of their families!

I aspirated while visiting him, I think due to stress and had to be taken to the hospital for a Resp. Treatment, antibiotic and an x-ray. I will be glad when he goes to court, so I know what his sentence is! It is like a dark cloud looming over my head!

Many thanks to you all!!
Still dreaming Big and reaching for the Stars!*sparkle

[Buttons2]

Javisi, hope you made it through the visit today. Wish I could injest you with some energy but I don't have any to spare! I know the heat & high humidity you have right now is NOT helping!

Better days are ahead.....you must have faith.

Less than a month to wait for the judge's decision now,your son is doing OK,he has support & he's had alot of time to be without alcohol or a chance to make poor decisions. Growing up I'm sure. Remember he also had YOU as a parent,hopefully that will counteract the dad's negative,bully approach to life!

As for your daughter,she will be OK also. Maybe this is the wakeup call she needed in her own life? Courts have to intervene these days for the good of the child right? Keep in mind your kids have to make their own mistakes,learn their own lessons. It never does much good to try & tell someone they are on the wrong path,they gotta hit the bumps themselves to actually learn a way out.

HUGS,Buttons

[JAVISI]

Buttons,
Thank you for your care and concern! The visit went well, But I was almost too tired to talk and I think he was disappointed I didn't pick up his daughter:(
I have so many hopes and dreams of not ever having to deal with the legal system again!!

As you know that I am the type of person to let my kids fall. I have always tried to catch them. It is a hard habit to break, but I am working on it!;)
Many Thanks Javisi:D

[DiMarie]

Heartache our kids put us through, I never did that with my parents...they would have killed me. We grew up in a different time. O am 50 years + now.

I am so sorry what your family is going through. It does seem that a lot of police standard of operations may not have been followed or they were never provided the officers. I don’t know of any departments that shot to kill for traffic violations unless the car is being used as a lethal weapon, last resort.

Even using a pit menuvour is questionable as it is using a cruiser as a potential lethal weapon.

There is a lot of case law on civil rights violations. We had a local case here, the one officer fought his case being sued for pulling a gun when the suspect was dragging him by the car. Another was underage drinkers jumping out a window and an officer holding at gun point.

You need to take the load off, consult a good civil rights attorney to see if the deputy and department have culpability.

I am retired law enforcement,. I had past co-worker respond to a 911 emergency call at my daughters, she had many serious physical and mental health issues. He woke me out of bed, and respond there. He instructed my daughter that she did not need a transport to the hospital and if she ever called 911 again he would have her arrested.

A week later she passed away from a medication overdose.....
The department NEVER should have allowed a statement, if she wanted a transport it was NOT his determination, a doctor at ER should make it...and she did not call in fear when she had an emergency that lead to her death!

They lack training in treating mentally ill persons, and those with special needs.....
I will never hold my daughter again because of it. She knew she was in trouble as she was not laying down, she sat up in the day bed, and placed pillows and blankets around her to sit up against....
Probably scared to call 911, and scared to call me. She had issues with me managing her medications to prevent overdose and told police I harass her.

So I am so thankful to you all that have your children that Angels intervened and saved their lives.

Better Public defenders are needed, Take a newspaper man to the next hearing or meeting to show those PD getting paid by tax dollars loaded.
I would call the congress man, Gov. Representatives, and THE ATTORNEY GENERALS OFFICE!

Something has to be very wrong that this person was not fit duty for fitness to be determined by a psych.
Each state and county differ, but rouge cops are a liability and could have cost a LIFE!
My prayers for you.
Dianne

[Kaiti]

Dianne, my condolances for you for your daughter. Hopefully the officer was dealt with accordingly.

Javisi, how's everything going? I havent' been on in a while, but wanted ot check in and see if things were going better.

Take Care
Kaiti

[JAVISI]

Dear friends,
I am so thankful that I have you all to vent to! If I didn't I am not sure what I would do!:confused: On Thursday evening my youngest son was arrested at his job, he is 19. He missed a court appearance, His bond was $750.00 all of it to get him out. I don't have that kind of money! :( His dads family have money but my youngest has always been the black sheep of the family by his dad and his family. My only thought about that is it is because he looks like me.:mad:

Was planning on going camping over the week-end. He went to court that morning. His fine was 145.00, so we went and cashed his check for him. Then we found out they charged him of obstruction of justice. So luckily I have a great boyfriend, He paid the $500.00 to get him out. My son was so worried that he would lose his job. When he got out, we dropped him off at work.:)


We still got to go camping, we brought my grandaughter. She had a lot of fun! My heart just felt heavy all week-end long. I wish I could shut my brain off from all of this stress!:rolleyes:

Over the week-end, I swelled up like a balloon witrh edema, I don't understand why! I take 3 diuretics. None of my meds seem to be working? I am just plain tired and I don't know what to do with myself. I often wonder when this will ever end!:(

I am worried about my daughter and her boyfriend, they are living in the same house with my ex. Who is drinking heavily! He missed the payment for june and as of the 10th, my attorney will start the proceedings to sell the house. I know my ex doesn't think I will let it happenh but it is not up to me, my lawyer is control of the house. I know my ex thinks if my daughter is living there I will do nothing! I have such mixed feelings about that!:confused:

I did contact the Govener and he forwarded my e-mail to the jail stands office. OSHA did go there. He also suggested I e-mail the Attorney General. I guess my complaints were not on his agenda because when he e-mailed me back. He didn't even get the county right, so obviously he didn't even take the time to read my e-mail!:mad:

I willk try to find a civil rights attorney. I feel like my kids are being targeted because I have complained. I am fearful of my son when he gets sentenced, it will be the max because of me! Talk about feeling guilty, My healthg is failing me and somedays it is hard to hold on! It is because of you I hang in there!:(

Many, many Thanks, Love, Javisi:)

[Buttons2]

First Dianne thanks for sharing your story,so sorry it turned out bad,makes you wonder about this world we live in eh? You have experience on both sides of the law....guessing that makes your loss seem even more bitter. This was avoidable! How cruel the mentally ill are treated & misunderstood!:mad:

Javisi, oh my.....I don't know what to say. You've been through so much with your family and health problems,when will it ever end? You are a true survivor however,you will go forward! Boyfriend is not only loving but very generous! I would have let the kid lose his job to teach him not to ignore court dates! (mean old momma I am).

Glad you got to go camping,please don't allow these kids of yours to ruin any moments of happiness & peace you now have! Hope granddaughter had a good time.

About the edema,I also suffer from that & sometimes question if the diuretic is a fake pill! Since being on a very strict low-carb diet (which is also gluten free), I've noticed my ankle swelling isn't quite so bad. I suspect the hot weather is the culprit for you? And I know it's hard to cut out the sodium but we gotta do that as much as possible! I only use salt-free butter,low sodium catsup,never add salt to anything.....and my worse habit is my one Pepsi per day,I'm cutting that down to 1/2 but still not good! I've complained to docs for years about the edema-they never seem concerned! I figure I'll be just another statistic one of these days of women dying of heart failure!

HUGS,Buttons

[joy]

hello everyone

I am back from vacation. DiMarie I want to also add how sorry I am about your daughter . I had such a close call with my own daughter in November. I won't go into details but I know how heavy you heart must be. My husband lost a neice unexpectadly due to heart problems back in 92. She was a twin and only 16. I have never cried so much in my life and to this day I grieve. I know parents must go on & I can only imagine how hard it must be to do that.

Javisi am so happy you got to go camping. Buttons gave you such good advice about having a life yourself. You waited so long to be happy and your boyfriend sounds so kind and caring. You deserve some happoiness. It is hard to try and have it I understand because my own children put me thru the mill so to speak. But we do the best we can. And by trying to find some small piece of happiness ourselves I think that in turn makes us strong enough to continue to help others, our kids especially.

And what is it with this edema? I too have problems. We just ran into a woman my hubby worked with and she was told she was depressed. Guess what was really wrong? She had to have heart surgery! She was complaining of no energy etc. and they said she was depressed! Now she has to have physical therapy because of the long scars in her leg. Makes you wonder about doctors, right?

It is so good to be home and see how everyone is doing. Hang in there and keep each other in mind. It helps me to know others care.

[JAVISI]

Joy,
I truely am glad that you are back! I try so hard to be strong but somedays I feel so tired and weak. I do know that I have many things to live for and that I am valued, needed and loved! Sometimes I don't really know how to act. I have never been treated good.

I just have such a heavy heart for my children and grandchildren! I have lived a life of doing everything, coming to the rescue and trying to make peace at all costs! I know in my heart a lot of the things are done in vain, I am not super human and can not change things or people. I guess I need to remind myself of that.

I am still trying to do things for my kids, Making sure that they go to their appointments, get to court. I do not want my boyfriend to lose his bond money. Going to get my grandaughter and take her with me to the jail. It seems I run so much for them and that I don't think that I really just need a break and for them to really appriciate what I am trying to do!

This is a totally different world we live in. Kids think that things should be given to them and not worked for. I never have been in trouble and don't plan on it in the near future either!

I still in my thoughts questioning if I wouldn't have complained so much that my kids would have been left alone, 3 kids in jail all in 1 week. I have no more kids, I hope it is not me next!

Rambled enough, just needed to vent a little!

Love, Javi

[joy]

I understand all too well Javisi. I think my having to wait a long time for children and having to have other people's approval just to get to adopt made quite an impression on me. It certainly only added to my learning more of the art of PATIENCE.

It truly is a humbling experience, to feel that you are at many people's mercy, being scrutinised by them even & even your own health is used against you, this much I can remember.

My family's doctor, one we had used for years said this because of my blood pressure being high, "Well getting a child will only raise you blood pressure". I thought at the time, he clearly did not know just how much B.S. we had been thru!! So I never take my children lightly. Nor do I let them manipulate them. Now I am talking about my son, the one who would use the grandchild as a pawn!

I was just able luckily, to keep my emotions under control because they did NOT let me get too close to that baby at first. Their mistake. Now I can just tell myself (sorta) that what if ??? they lived many many miles away?? things like that. Or more importantly, just how much pain can I stand? My grandson is such a cute baby and even the smallest glimpse of him pulls at my heart. So I know that if I allowed my son his way, I'd just be letting myself in for a heart break.

It was very different with daughter's baby. I was in the classes with her and husband and also in hospital with them. As was about 10 others, but that's another long story. So I quickly bonded with grandaughter because iI was needed. And still am. I wish that I was not needed so much sometimes but do prefer being a part of my kids and grandkids life.

Husband & I know we are just needed mostly for money with son because of son's actions. And if and only if, daughter-in-laws parents are not available for emergency child keeping, are we asked to ever keep grandchild. Then I am made to feel that I am not capable of making simple decisions about even diarreah!! Yeah, kid poops twice and hubby calls and I tell him, then son calls his dad and hears it and even before I can clean up myself after the 2nd diaper change I get a phone call and son demanding why didn't you call me!
who can handle all that within such a short span of time, lol. Geeze, as if I didn't keep kids to raise the money to pay for the lawyer's bills for him. I've kept more kids than his inlaws and their second spouses put together.

Sorry but as you can tell, I can really understand how things can get the best of you when all you ever wanted to do is be a good loving, caring mother in the first place.

I think we do rather well Javisi, especially with all we have wrong with our health, what we've been thru and still WANT to help our kids. There are not too many things I would do different if I had a chance to do it all over, either. I know what I'd do different, but that's also my business, lol.

After Monday you can regroup your thoughts and work out a plan of how you are going to continue to manage things. That's all you or I can do, is just plan on hanging in there! The day I stop caring and trying to help my family is the day I might as well toss in the towel and call it quits!

[DiMarie]

After Monday you can regroup your thoughts and work out a plan of how you are going to continue to manage things. That's all you or I can do, is just plan on hanging in there! The day I stop caring and trying to help my family is the day I might as well toss in the towel and call it quits!

So well said,

Thanks so much "all" for your kind words.
I can just feel the frustration and heartache, I wish I could pray it away.
You are strong women, I am honored to know you as Mom's and friends.

I will pray for strength and the troubles to be few and far between and little ones that do not cause heartache and money.
Dianne

[joy]

Dianne that is so true. I pray more all the time. It gets to the point I say Lord I've asked you to help me with my burdens, I have asked, now let me stop worrying and let You help me. I have to repeat this many times sometimes. Eventually it does help. Some times are harder than others but I still know this is a better plan for me. Just taking a pill leads to more problems. When I get to the point nothing else does work, well then and only then, do I resort to taking medications to ease my overworked mind. I always know that as bad as I think things are, well they can always get worse. I love the thread that Javisi strated again - listing positive things. It's so hard for me to do that many days. But if I can get my mind going in a positive direction, well that's certainly better than my dwelling on things I can't change. Take care.

[Buttons2]

DiAnne, did I mention how beautiful your daughter was? And how sorry I am for your loss?

Joy, everytime you post it lifts me up,you are a truly caring person & I'm sorry for all the heartache your family has brought you.

[DiMarie]

Kindness of others gives us such strength to carry on a little bit more. Thank you Button's for the kind words of my daughter, she was beautiful, when not consumed by the monsterous pain. It took first her body, then her mind had to take over, when that got weak her soul had to carry on..just nothing left to fight with.

Joy, I had Effexor for overwhelming stress years ago and went off as I too dislike depending on medications. I knew when the took me off work avmonth after my daughters death I needed help. I did not beleive a pill could help; or reason as to how it could, I had too much emotional pain...nothing takes that away. But, some how this Lexapro had an immediate effect, the hard tears, the chest crushing ache, racing thoughts, calmed down.

I don;t have any reasonable explanation why it does help, but I know I need to for now take it, although I hate to think that I do. I know I need my synthroid, so I have to take that.....so I reason it that way for now. I hope someday, that I can wean off.....but the hurt ys too bad yet. Anger too.

I have to accept I do not have the control to my miund right now and it is a good thing that something slows my mind, helps me focus. Again, I hope that I can find reassurance that one day I wikll not need a pill and can get into life again without it.,,,It is still too raw yet.

I have to allow myself to cry for a bit, pray for longer, and smile for the good things I do have. Other children, my grandson, husband with a good job, even if he does not really know how, but tries to give me support.
He tries to keep things normal........
Sorry to be dumping so much on the orignial thread, but others will find this thread and know the hurt legal issues can develope and that the system is not always doing the right thing. The stress it brings on to family.

Bless you all
di

[joy]

Hi again DiMarie. I am so glad that you have other kids and grandkids to help you at this time. I had a very long post wrote out and I lost it. This one may not make sense so forgive me if it does not sound right. I was on zoloft a long time ago and one other kind but none did the trick for me. I always had to add the anxiety medicine to it. Finally I left off the antidepressant and just kept the anxiety meds and it world fairly well for me. My hubby takes Lexapro and it helps him tremendously. I now have a sleeping pill to take also if it is needed. Things bother me when I need to sleep. I only got 1 hour of rem sleep on my night's test that was done recently. It seems as soon as I lie down, all my medical problems, hubby's and daughter's come flooding into my head. The worst is my medical doctors and all the problems I have with them now. I stopped the zoloft also because I had such a dry mouth and I wanted to sleep with my c-pap machine on. My new sleep doctor does not seem worried that I have to take sleeping pills to get to sleep at all. I'd rather take an anxiety pill but he prefers the sleep pill. Whatever we have to do to be as normal and get by best as we can. I get tired of my new docs lecturing about my medications that I have took for years now. Drat that doc retiring when I still needed him, lol.

I always think of your beautiful daughter when I see the name DiMarie. It has to be so hard for you. Please feel like you can come here and share with us anytime.

[DiMarie]

So much of your post I can relate to, laying down and the mind turning on.
Help from meds, confusion and risk of meds.
And I thank you for giving my daughters life credibility. She was real to you and a loss. You are a deeply kind person.
WOnderful people here and I wish there were more happiness, less anxiety and burden to come for all of us.
My heart keeps you all in my prayers
di

[joy]

You can just feel the love when someone writes about someone they love. And if you have ever lost someone close such as a granddad or parent, that's bad. But I love my children and grandchildren so much differently, not more but different. I can only imagine how hard it must be to lose a child. I know I wanted children so bad and had to wait so long because we adopted. I realise now as I type this why it is different. It is because I think of my children and grandchildren as being here in my future. I bank on having them later in life. That love. So I can only imagine how hard it was when my sister in law lost her 16 year old or you losing your daughter. I cried more for my niece than I did when my dad died when I was 20. And still do sometimes and we lost her in 92. It was also so unexpected. A heart problem that was not know about. And it took medicine for me to get to sleep for the longest. My sister in law had to have medicine just to return to work. People would say things that hurt her. Not trying to be unkind but things that still hurt and she'd tell me about it.

I was so thankful for some people here on BrainTalk as they helped me more than relatives or friends when my mother died. We had been home alone so much of the time together for the last 7 years of her life. I wasn't driving then due to foot problems. So after mother died, I really did feel all alone. Alone is good for a short time sometimes. But not good for lengthy amounts of time. This is so beautiful what you said - My heart keeps you all in my prayers. We need to do this.
Sorry I have rambled on for so long tonight.

[DiMarie]

Koy the children we are blessed with in life are our own. Adoption does not mean they are any less blood related because God delivered them to your locing hands in a different manner...He just had to deliver your children in a different way. They are still choosen bby grace ans any other child parent unit is.
A blessing.
you are very special, we are all so lucky to have you our friend.
Di

[JAVISI]

Dear, Friends,
Sorry I have been away for a while. I have been in the hospital twice in the last week and a half. I have had critically low potassium levels. It sure makes you weak. So I have been to tired to post. My somn got sentenced on Monday. He got 4-6 months at a Work Ethics Cam and 60 months probation he also lost his license for 60 days. So he turned out better than we thought he would. He hates the Work camp but I say it is still better there than in prison. He at least will get help with his drinking problem so that is definatly a plus.

I also got to take him there! It is 5 hours away and we had 8 hours so we had time to stop and eat. He also got to spend that whole time holding and hugging and kissing his daughter, giving her reassurance. She held on tight to him. She let go easier than I though. She thinks that he is going to school. It made him being gone a little easier, I will admit I did shed a few tears.

It was an akward ride because my ex tagged along!! So It was my boyfriend, myself, my son and grandaughter, my daughter and ex. It was a tight squeeze. We were cordial to eachother for our kids sake but while waiting for him, my boyfriend said that he would like to do twice as much to him as he did to me. But things went okay.

My youngest son's last court date is on Monday, his Lawyer thinks he will just get a fine so he won't loose his job. That is a releif. My daughter and her boyfriend are doing all of the things that they need to be doing. They both got jobs yesterday, her boyfriend painting and she got a job at a motel. I hoipe it all works out.

Sorry I can't talk longer need to go to have lab drawn to check my potassium! Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars, Love Javi

[joy]

Javisi I am sorry that you were in hospital but hope now that you're home you can stay well enough to keep out of hospital. I mean hope you do well, dud, I go around the world just to say something simple like I wish you good health from now on.

It was so weird reading the first part of your thread. I had just been (by grandchild) awoke from a short deep sleep and saw today's date and thought I'd catch up. I kept thinking, I've read this, check the date ! yep it says this morning. In any case I am so glad part of your older son's sentence will be probation. That sounds better. I did read somewhere that you will not get to visit for a month? am I right? It is good his little girll took the goodby as well. A tearful one would have undone everyone, myself included reading it. And so good both the daughter and boyfriend are working. You rest up Javisi.

I hope everyone else is doing as well as you can be. And they have a good weekend maybe getting to visit other family members and grandkids and such. We got our oldest this morning and will have her until Monday sometime most likely. So you know I get to keep that one so much she almost seems like she should be called MINE, lol.

[JAVISI]

Dear Friends,
First off I would like to say that I am so thanful that I still have my children alive and well. I could not stand losing them to death. I keep holding on that they will grow up and learn from their mistakes, *pow It is so hard to watch them fall and not be able to catch them!

I use prayer and try to read inspirational books. They have to be books with shrt stories due to my poor eye sight but they seem to help! I must add that I know that I would never make it through these tough times if it were not for all of you!*friends

We are jumping through another hurdle. My fiance's son has said that he wnts to live with his mother. This has been a kick in the teeth to Dan. He has sacrificed for mso many years, working so hard to provide for him, all the while his ex has done nothing. I have spent more on him than his mom has. He ia 14 and told his dad that he is going to rebel against him if he can not live with his mom. We got a Lawyer and plan to fight this. His mother is incompetent. She just got approved for Social Securuty for an anxiety disorder. According to the guldlines that you have to meet for this she is incapable of careing for a teen-ager. Or she is defrauding the system!*yuk

I know why he wants to llive with his mom and that is thjat she will get more money! Money should not be a reason to want a child to live with you. Plus she will let him do what ever he wants. What child would not want that for himself?? I am just so saddened along with his dad. I will keep you updated, the first hearing is in September.:(

It will be about 1 month before I will get to see my son! It seems like forever! I already miss him! I think we will pick up his daughter to let her spend the night tomight. I love her so very much! She is so sweet and starved for attention. She definatly gets it here. Grandpa Dan spoils her! and so do I she has been so much in the 3 small years she has been born. I want her to know how to have fun and enjoy life. She loves to look at pictures of her and her daddy.*heart

My daughter appeared to be a little upset when I said that her dad may lose the house, like it is my fault he quit paying me! I wrote her a long detailed e-mail that I was going to stop being tyhe one to seek her out and has she forgotten what I went through with her dad?? I did tell her that I miss her and my grandson and have done everything in my power to help her. Bith her, her boyfriend and my son and his girlfriend came to see me during my most recent hospital stay. I got a singing card that plays,*hug "Lean on me!"

She told me that they all got themselves into their own messes and that they are taking care of them and taht things will soon be over, she also told me that they are happy for me and love Dan, he treats them like one of their own! He and his dad have given both of them cars*gift . He has done more for them than their dad has!

The best and most meaning thing she said was, you are sick, They should be caring for me instead of me caring for them! My heart broke with happiness instaed of saddness, She also told me thjat I had nothing to do with their problems, therefore I should feel no guilt! Music to my ears! I could go on but I better end this post since I have poisted so much!*banjo

Much Love and Hugs to you all Love, Javisi*heart

[joy]

Javisi that sounds good that your daughter realises her mistakes. Sure she may misbhave or act a bit dissapointed at times. She is young right? My own daughter is 32 but does not act it at times. But she does care for me and I know it. She never leaves things in a bad way for very long at all. Totally unlike my son most of the time.

I hope things goes well for Dan with his son. It might not take long for the son to realise he made a mistake if he does stay with his mother for awhile. Money is not everything and for the most part I think kids respect limits. Especially after they try out things and get into hot water. They are glad to be with a parent that sets limits then I think. Post anything you want anytime. It helps me to be able to do that myself so I understand. Take care and you did not say how you are really feeling. Better I hope.

[JAVISI]

Dear Friend,
I spent another few days in the hospital. I am starting to be a regular. I am so tired and burnt out from being in the hospital. I go to get my blood drawn for a potassium level! Wish me luck. If I don not post it is because I am in the hospital. Iget so much strength from all of you and I need that! Thank you for being there for me!

I got my oldest son's address last night so I can write him a letter. I hope to boost his spirits a little. I know that he hates it there but I think in the long run it is the best thing for him! I want to go get my grandaughter so she can stay for a few days, even though she wears me out, I love her so much and I know that nshe needs me so it is worth it!

We are having a meeting with all of the family mem,ebers on Tuesday to see what type of a plan we can come up with to get my daughter's son back with her. I smiled and said I was happy when she told me that she was pregnant. Inside my heart was breaking! It is so hard watching her making all of the same mistakes I made. Too many kids too fast with a loser. She deserves so much more! I was talking to her on the phone and her boyfrriend was cussing her out and she was crying. He is trying so hard to break her spirit! I wanted to talk to him but she would not give him the phone. I am sure he wouldn't have talked to me anyway!

I talked to my youngest last night. At least things are going well for him. He likes his job and is getting a promotion. I hope he and his girlfriend can make enough money to move out of my old house. They do not need to be living with my ex, he is a bad influence.

I have a rough night the last couple of nights, I have awoken incontinent of urine. I was so embarassed. My boyfriend said "don't worry about it!" He took the sheets off the bed and started the washer, he could not have been sweeter! I then fell and couldn't get back up. He helped me up as I cried. I called my parents to see if my mom could stay with me. I was so scared! So they both came out and stayed until Dan got off of work. I am so lucky to have people that I can count on.

I wet the bed the very next night. I hate not kmowing what is wrong with me. So last night my boyfriend woke me in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. The bed was dry this morning. Whew, what a releif!

Well I better go, this has turned out to be a long post!

With deepest thanks and love to all of you! Javi

[joy]

Hi Javisi

It is good to hear from you as even though things are bad you put them in the best way. Making things sound a bit better than they really are I'm sure. I hate to hear that your daughter is in that kind of relationship. So is mine! But there is no talking her out of it as her mother in law has her convinced she would not get the child because of her illness. Heck neither her son nor my daughter needs to keep their child full time. Daughter is too ill and SIL only thinks about himself and his dog. Enough on that subject as it drives me batty if I dwell on it too long. So I just try and not as best I can then just pray for strength and what's best.

We are "suppose" to go out of town this comming week. It is the time we usually take daughter and grandchild to lake. Our pontoon is messed up but we do have a sea doo. I am not particuallry looking forward to it this year. But that probably means that I really "need" to get away, lol. Daughter will help at the lake as the camper is small. She would help me out here with my housework and all but her house is bigger than mine and it takes all she can do for her to do her own work. So my house is a mess. I keep saying to myself now, school starts August 20th so just wait and then there will be time. And pray that nothing bad happens to either of us (hubby or any family) as no one could get inside our house it's such a mess, lol. Most days I do just what I feel up to doing and that's not much. Right now I have been outside helping hubby put up another building, holding the screws and tin until he bolts them together. All I have to do is put my hand against the tin so that's easy enough. Inside work with twisting and bending and lifting get me to hurting in a hurry. It is easier than lifting and sweeping and moping so I am glad to help and it's OUTSIDE, lol. Hot than blue blases too!

Javisi I hope they can get your potassium regulated. I take a hugh pill everyday and then just assume it's working. I assume you do too. What makes yours get so out of normal range? I think mine is I don't asorb stuff but I also take lasix. I'd be as big as a balloon with feet and legs swelling if I didn't, then have ulcers all over my feet otherwise. I try and supplement it with food potassium but it is iffy. So eat bananas and whatever, almonds and right now I can't think. But potassium is very serious I know so be careful.

Dan sounds like such a sweet thoughtful man. Tell him your friends apprerciate him please for us. You take care and keep us updated as you can.

[DiMarie]

Javisi
I am so sorry that you are having a stressfull time ,but it is good you having loving support.
I am thinking about you and saying a prayer for you and the family eveyday.
I am sending a hug and hope that the doctors can find out what is wrong.
M sister has the same problems since youth but no reason found. Very frustrating.
My hugs
dianne

[JAVISI]

To all of my wonderful Friends,
I know that I would be bonkers without you! You some days give me the courage to keep treading on, when my life is in such a state of shembles. I do try to find the good in all of the thimgs that happen. In my heart I feel that their is always a reason for the events that happen and when I look at the big picture, things could be worse.

My son hate s the work ethics camp but I am sure he will settle into it soon. He is a very easy going person. Very well liked at the jail. When he was sentenced the County Attorney wanted to have him get prison time for hitting the officer intentionally!!! But when the Judge sentenced him he said he watched the video and could tell that he did not intentionally try to hit the Officer! That made me happy! It is funny in the local news paper, they had all of these articles about the event, yet they never put in the paper his sentence??? I wonder why?

In 2 hours we go to see about my daughter getting her son back. I am a little nervous because my ex has a large extended family who will be there and it will be my fiance, sister and I. But I have always gotten along with his family, they all know what he is like. Plus my Lawyer is my grandsons, reprentative adlightem, so he will be there. I just don't want any blow ups. It will be tense anyway. I pray that they get him back soon all of the Socieal workers say that they have never seen more devoted parents. So that is definately a plus! Wish me and my family luck!

The last time my youngest went to court he got a $300.00 fine. When he gets that paid we get the bond money back. Things have been a little tight around here with my fiance's ex wanting custody of their son. So more Lawyers expenses but it is definatly worth it!

We have been slowly fixing up the house. It already looks nice but I like adding that feminine touch! I have been spending most of my money trying to get all of my Dr. Bills payed off that seems never ending though.

I will keep you posted on what happens today! Keep Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars! Love Ya, Javi

[DiMarie]

Every single day i think of you and pray. I know people often say to me they do not know how i do it with so many family issues, legal issues, but always there is someone else that has it tougher.

you are an Angel on earth our dear friend....
Dianne

[JAVISI]

To the best friends a girl could have!
I have to tell you how much of an a$$ my ex is! When I was talking in this meeting with Social workers and Attorneys and lots of family, We were supposed to say the good t5hings about my daughter, I talked about how it has been hard on her and both of my boys and that they have all been in trouble but when asked my son's and daughter consider eachother their best friends! My ex walked by my daughter and said loud enough for me to hear how maybe this all wouldn't have happened if I wouldn't have left. He knows that I already feel guilt and am afraid of him! He uses that to his advantage! I don't like to say I hate anyone but he comes close!

He then proceeded to talk about how he overcome his addictions, and has been clean and sober for the last 20 years. I wanted to point out that he started drinking and maybe other things over a year ago and is still drinking! I don't understand how a man can lie so easily! My conscious would get to me if I lied the way he does! I wanted to say something but kept my mouth shut, We were there for another reason. The only thing I regret is that I let him see me cry!

Yesterday my boyfriend got a copy of a letter his son wrote to our Attorney. It said that he hated it here and that his dad picks on him and he is always so sad! I am so angry with him. That boy has no chores. The only thing I have evr heard him get on to him about is about getting his homework done and his weight! He is atleast 100lbs over weight. He was never mean to him. Infact he has spoiled him. He put his life on hold to take care of him. What betrayal. I am going to stay out of it because it is not my place to say anything but I would love to give him a peice of my mind. The only reason he gets on to him about those 2 things is because he loves him. He is so ungrateful but I guess most kids are at 14!

Better go, I see my psychiatrist today. A less than 5 minute meeting! Talk to you all soon. Thank you so much for being so kind, caring and just plain true blue friends! Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars! Laurie:D

[Buttons2]

Oh Javi I wish I could wring some necks for you! What was the conclusion of the child custody hearing? Maybe you need to wear earplugs when your ex is around? He gets off on bringing you to tears! Next time make sure your dad or Dan is sitting right there next to you!

I was glad to see this post cause was afraid you were back in the hospital! Aside from all the bad stuff going on......how are you feeling? I think about you everyday,and hope the heatwave isn't there right now.

Dan's son is going to have to learn his own life lessons now. At his age he certainly has the "right" to live with his mom. I know this must be very painful for Dan & you. You just have to take it one day at a time. Wait it out. If he's never lived with his mother (or at least not in recent years that is),he's gonna find out rather quickly that parents are quite often the same the world over. They place restrictions & they require that chores be done! I bet he'll be back before the year is over! My advice is to let him go,put a smile on your face & make plans to see him on a regular basis.

Also, he might just be enjoying all the attention this brings his way. Hurting his father like this might make him feel he has some power. He's 14. I recall when my youngest son was 14. I had to kidnap him from Nebraska & before we got back to WA I was ready to take him back! He was no longer my happy go lucky son! He was arrogant (sp),and talking back to me! This was after being with his father for just a few weeks! He'd been through a horrifc ordeal but here I was risking my own life to get him back! Was he grateful? NO! He was acting like a brat!!

It's a tough age. Hormones and identity,trying to push so many buttons to see how much they can get away with,etc. My son got into martial arts & that saved my sanity & his direction in life. He also got his first job @ 14. He learned a skill he used for years. They have to be kept busy!

I'm guessing that a boy 100# overweight doesn't get much physical exercise? And you said he wasn't required to do chores? Well,what did he do all day when out of school? Does he have friends? Pets?

What you wrote about your daughter was special,she's right too. And I'm so glad you have Dan!

Here's something I just read on a Lyme forum: "we aren't being punished,we just haven't been rewarded yet!" I think that statement applies to many of us here!

BIG HUG my friend,you just keep hanging in there! Think ahead to when your son is out & the wedding! Everyone here is praying you have some peace soon.

Buttons

[JAVISI]

[COLOR="Purple"][B]Buttons and Friends,
I haven't been in the hospital, thankfully! I have to see a urologist today for an incontinence problem! That is very frustrating to me! But I will face this hurdle head on and see what happens.

You are so right about my ex. I hate giving him the satisfaction of seeing me cry! Dan was with me so I felt safe but my ex knows what buttons to push and he uses that to his advantage!

My daughter is doing great! She is drug and cigarette free! I am so proud of her! She just moved into a very nice house! We went garage saling yesterday and got her a lot of nescities. She and her boyfriend are both working! Which I find great! I got to play with my grandson yesterday he was so happy to be in his own room with his toys! At a year and a half he can melt my heart! They get him back for good on the 15th. They are both so excited!

It was so hot yesterday, near 100 degrees But the humidity makes it tough to breathe. Today the temp is going to be high with the humidity, it will feel like 110! I have had a head ache. I only urinated twice all day yesterday and got a teriffic headache! I still have a slight headache but it is better than it was! I really hate to go out in this heat but I have to go into town to see the Doctor.

I have so many mixed feelings about Dan's son. Ilove him but I hate what he is doing to his dad. His mom was a crack addict, she had a boyfriend that beat on him when he was small. She cheated on Dan with his best friend, that ultimatly ended their marriage. She took him with her and her boyfriend to farms stealing gas and other things. She is definatly not a role model

Dan has had him since he was 3 and a half. She has never bought him anything as far a clothes school supplies ect.. But now she got disability for and anxiety disorder! She said in a letter that if he lived with her, he would get money and she would get more help financially! This is all for money! What a reason to want your child after all of these years! She is setting him up to become disabled, with his weight and saying how he is de[pressed, He has no signs of depression when he is here Iam trying to stay out of it! I think that it is best to not say anything, than to say something I may regret!

Than ks all of you for all of your support! It is appriciated more than you can ever understand. I need you all my wonderful best friends!

With Love and many Hugs! Laurie:D

[Buttons2]

Javi that is such great news about your daughter! She's got momma's genes afterall!

You are being wise about Dan's son & keeping quiet,cause the messenger is the one blamed when things go bad! I'm thinking Dan's ex is jealous of you & just wants to cause trouble! And I agree it is wrong to let a child get 100# overweight-but this seems to be a huge problem in our country right now! And since I've added 35# I no longer judge people who are fat! Sometimes it's impossible to lose it. Just sad to see kids this way tho.

Hope the urologist can help you today. Just what you don't need-more doctor's & more health issues! I know you're a coffee drinker but have you ever tried tea? It should run right thru you!

I feel for you in the heat & humidity there! I felt like a wet rag the summer I was there! We could use some heat here tho,it's been cold enough to have the furnace on! What weird weather.......but nothing we can do about it.

Just looked to see which forum we are on,have you given up your anger with the system now? Sometimes we just have to accept what we have no power over & hope in the end the result will be for the best. I believe this will be the case with your son. He's learning a harsh lesson but I bet he will come out of all this a more mature young man. Alot of changes will have taken place in his life by the time he gets out,knowing his sister is getting her act together will encourage him also! And seeing you in a happy secure relationship will also help. He's gonna have to be his own man & stand up to his dad's control.

HUGS,Buttons

[JAVISI]

Dear Friends,
I have gotten rid of the anger that I had with the legal system but I am so angry with my ex! He can be a jerk to me but he is now hurting my beautiful grandaughter. She is only 3 and he makes promises to her and then breaks them every time! That makes me so mad! She is going through enough with her dad being gone she does not need that! I am not sure what to do with that anger!

I went to the urologist yesterday, he said that I am having bladder spasms, just like I have colonic spasms. I wonder if it has something to do with my myoclonus?? He put me on another med Detrol LA. I hope it works. I am sick of getting more and more meds.

I am gaining weight so fast, I found out what the culprit is from my psychiatrist, Remeron. I am stopping it! After all I want to look nice for my wedding! We still haven't picked a date yet. So many factors are playing a role in that desition. My son should get out in 4 months, which is most likely but he could be there for up to 6 months.

I am so proud of my son him he ran 5 miles the other day. Although I worry about him in this heat and humidity. I do in my heart know that he needs to be there! I do trhink itr will make him a better and stronger person!

My daughter is doing nso good, it makes me so happy. Her son is so happy when he is with her, both of their faces light up. I bought a few things that she needed at some garage sales. I got some good deals, I was so happy and so was I. It is so nice to see both her and her boyfriend working and happy about it. They both are working so hard to do all they need to do to get their son back! Things are starting to look up for all of my kids. And I am so happy to be with Dan and feel loved and valued, I never really felt that way before truely. It sure feels good!

Dan 's son os here. I am angry with him for hurting his dad but I have held my tongue. I would rather not say anything than say something I might regret! He is so selfish but most kids are at that age. His weight is a big issue, his mom shows him love with food, and she is harming him. He went from a 36 inch waist to a 40 just this summer! He is so unhealthy it is sad!

Well better go! Love you bunches, Laurie

[Buttons2]

Javi,you & your family deserve for things to go better for a change! Your ex will always be causing problems.....that's just his nature I suppose. When will you know how long son will be there? At end of the 4 mos? then reevaluate? Hopefully he will get out then! We need a wedding to cheer us all up!

glad you got some new meds-hope they work! And found out about the weight gain.....pretty bride to be!
HUGS Buttons

[JAVISI]

Buttons,
You always have just the right things to say! My ex is not worthy of being a grandparent. Hedid enough damage to me and our kids. I wish he would just move on with his life! He promised my grandaughter that he would take her to the stock car races, he of course he called and said that he wouldn't be able to take her. So we went into town and took her bowling. Since I am fighting pneumonia I couldn't keep her overnight, she was crushed. She did not want to go back to be with her mom! It broke my heart! I almost gave in but Dan reminded me that I need to wait ubtil I am well rested.

She would not give me a hug or kiss goodbye. Her mom let her call me and she said " I'm sorry Grandma" I told her that it was okay and how much I love her and miss her. I also told her she could come and stay a day thi next week. My heart was so sad that I am not always well enough to take care of her!

This week I had 2 days that I have fallen and needed someone to stay with me. I wish I was more capable. My daughter gets her son back on the 15th I am so happy. He is such a happy baby and does have 2 parents that truely love him! So he is one lucky boy!


I have been so tired and weak I have been on line so sporatic. When I am not on line I think of all of you! I am dieting so I can be a beautiful bride. I am really excited about getting married. And my son coming home, his daughter will feel so much better, and taken care of!

Well I rambled enough, I am still working on the anger for my ex. Evertime I think I have conqured it, he does something else.

Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars! Love, Javisi

[bigbillybear]

Hello,

Im a former LE Officer having worked for the Sheriffs Department in NC, I dont have time to read all your post yet but will as soon as Im able and I hope I can help... Just a bit about my situation is they no longer needed my services after I had been hurt in 2004 and it started causing me major problems over the past few years and a few weeks ago I missed consecutive days out of work (4 days out of the month) and of course I had the days to cover them and even my normal doctors note and was jumped on by my supervisor like I was a piece of crap... And asked to leave work that day (which I was anyway because my note covered it) but she made it out to look like she had to make me leave and I was asked to leave without giving my side of the story... By the way not one person was in the room with her and myself which is a huge no/no on her part but they still took her word over mine... And to make it worse I had many friends or I thought were friends there and only one guy has called me the past few weeks...

My nerves are shot, my issues mental depression, anger issues and even had some suicidal issues all documented while I worked... The herniated discs happened when I had a fight with an inmate which was documented that I hurt my back however even though I have been having it treated over the past few years I didnt go through workers comp because I was scared to do that and lose my job...

You see the sheriffs department isnt like other agencies its political and you better be one of the guys (i.e masons) which Im not and now look at me... I would have been protected more if I was and that is a fact... Now back on topic my pain is like a tooth ache times 10 running through the back of my legs (both) which Im not afraid to admit it brings tears to my eyes throughout the day... Ive had many many shots in my spine (epideral shots?) and even had a minor operation where they took out some of my middle cartliage to take pressure off my nerve, however that failed...

I also have very very bad shoulders from again fighting off inmates just as the back happened yet I never complained of this however when they look at the damage they will know its bad bad wear and tear, as they come out of joint multiple times a day...

Anyway hello everyone this is me lol... If a mod wants to move this into an intro I would appreciate it... Im new and will be frequent to the board.... Im glad I found you guys

BBB

[JAVISI]

BBB,
Wow you are going through a lot. I have dealt with the police and Sheriffs due to working in the ER. I know what kind of jerks inmates can be. I especially hated the drunks they all seem to think that they are 10 feet tall and bullit proof!

What happened in a town of 12,000. Everyone seems to know everyone! I will be the first one to admit that my son was WRONG drinking and driving, and trying to outrun the cops! It was on an icy street and the deputy put his car in the intersecti9on to block him of, my son tried to stop but slid on the ice and hit his car which he was standing in front of, wouldn't you be behind your car not in front???

The Deputy shot at my son, he missed his head by 6 inches. This happed right in town this is not the first nor the last time he has shot at someone! Just this week I found out that they put him on paid leave and when he came back he resigned, not by choice. Maybe all of my complaining helped!

My son was sentenced to a work ethics camp for about 6 months. He is doing great. I was so angry for so long it was affecting my health. I had to let it go. I hope I didn't offend you their are good and bad in every proffesion!

It sounds like you are getting the wrong end of the stick! Have you ever thought of applying for disability? It was one of the hardest things that I have done, but it was a have to thing!

I know that their is a good ole boy system in the town where I live. It is sad but true.Please post back and let me know how you are doing!

Hugs, Javi