In Need of Help!

[utterlyconfused]

I'm new here, so hello all.

I'm completely lost at the moment. I’m scared, alone and don't know what to do. My wife left me 9 months ago without any attempt at compromise and without giving me any reason as to why. I thought that I was doing ok but over the last 9 months I have gradually lost touch with all the friends I had and seem unable to make new friends. As a result I have become more and more reclusive. I now have very low self esteem and confidence which has created a self-fulfilling vicious circle. I am desperately lonely and rapidly losing interest in everything around me.

I don’t recognise myself anymore, don’t like what’s happening to me and at the same time don’t know how to fix it. I have tried to move on knowing that is my only option but don’t seem to be doing very well! Why I’m posting this I don’t honestly know, I guess I’m asking for help...

utterlyconfused
:( :( :(

[JAVISI]

Utterly confused,
First off I am so sorry that your wife left you. I know that you are still realing from the hurt and betrail. But you need t9o take care of yourself first and foremost. Youare no good to anyone in the stae of depression that you are in.

I would encourage you to go to some counseling. You may need antidepressants for a while. I am no Dr. but you have all the signs of severe depression.

I would encourage you to keep posting on this site. You will be able to make new friends that are kind, caring and truely helpful. I have gotten through many tough experiences with the help of the friends I have on this site but I also needed, antidepressants and counseling.

You can only get better if you focus on yourself and yourself only!

my best wishes to you!
Javisi

[utterlyconfused]

Javisi,

Thank-you for your kind words. I did try to go and get some counselling a few months ago but the experience left me feeling even more hopeless each time I went along so I stopped going. Maybe a mistake on my part.

Thanks again.

[LIZARD]

(((((((((((((((((Utterly confused))))))))))))))))).

Javisi is right-on, hon'. I'm so sorry you're being forced to go through this. Taking care of yourself is of utmost importance! Consider a support group for the separated and divorced. I'm sure there's one out there. If not, starting one may be the kick you need to get back into life. :)


Good luck!

LIZARD :)

[utterlyconfused]

Lizard,

Thanks for taking the time to read my post and reply. I think that could be an option for me. I will have a look into whether such a group exists in my area..

Thanks again.


p.s. I was unsure when I posted last night, but now I'm pleased. It has helped in a small way already!!!

[JAVISI]

Uterly confused,
Please try the counseling again! In the beginning it opens up wounds that really hurt. I take my pain and write out poems to releave my frustrations! I know that may not be your thing but find something you like to do even if you don't feel like doing and do it! In the end it will help. Support groups are great and even this site is great. Do everything you can to help your self! Sometimes we forget that we are the most important thing! I even still do that!

I hope you find at least a little bit of pease in your heart soon. And keep coming back!
Best wishes coming from someone who knows where you are coming from!
hugs, Javisi:)

[Tootsie]

Feeling scared and alone is certainly frightening when you do not feel that you have any control over what is happening to you. Being able to share your feelings and experiences is the first step in recovering from the sad circumstances of your marriage.

There is a great deal of support and comfort in these forums. However, they, by their very nature, are limited in the way they can help you. If you can find a social worker, or therapist who deals with your type of probem, it will hasten your recovery, and make these forums more useful to you. None of us here, are professional couselors. We simply know from our own experiences, how sharing our fears and concerns, help keep them in perspective.

Maybe, as time goes on, you will share a little more about yourself? It helps us to have some idea of how old you are, how long you were married, whether you have children, or siblings in your community, etc. Cheerio.

[utterlyconfused]

Thanks Tootsie,

More kind words (!), it seems that the people here are all so friendly! I am 33 and was married for 5 years (we were together for 8). I don't have any family support or children and have been on my own since I was 13.. which is why my friends were so important to me..

I would say that this state of mind is like a rollercoaster and seems to be worse at the weekends.. which is not surprising as my work keeps me more than busy during the week!

I am going to look into whether there is a local support group that helps people in my situation.

Thank you again for all your kind words.

utterlyconfused

[JAVISI]

Utterlyconfused,
I was just wondering how you are doing? I am so sorry about your wife leaving you! It can hurt very badly I know. I blessed with family. I left and divorced my husband who had been abusing me eversince I was 17, I am 40 now. I never had the strenghth to go before.

My life is much happier now but difficult for my kids! At this age I realized that I am far from dead and sometimes the worse things turn out for the best we just may not see it or feel at the time!

I know that this is tough on you. My self esteem was zero. Just like yours but you must take care of yourself! Life is so short, and we should try to make the best of it!

I posted on the emotional support site, what are the things that make you happy. Sometimes no one post but I try to everyday! It makes me try to find even the smallest things that can make me smile. If you can look through the things that make you happy. The things that others post make me think, tea, that is something to be happy about!

i hope you keep posting, post on other threads. I promise you, you will get the support that you need here! Please let me know that you are okay, I am worried about you!
Hugs, Javisi:)

[utterlyconfused]

Hi Javasi,

Thanks for your concern, I am ok today! Just got in from work, so bit tired but just wanted to say thanks.

One day at a time...that's how I am seeing this..

utterlyconfused

[Tootsie]

One day at a time is always helpful when things seem so overwhelming that you cannot cope with everything right now.

I'm not sure what kind of services are available in the UK, for help and support so I can't be much help there.

On the weekends, you might see what kinds of volunteer activities are available. Here in California, there are all sorts of community clean up days, where groups of people show up, and clean up litter in the various creeks and streams. There are also hiking groups, usually sponsered by organizations like the Sierra Club, or other environmental groups. Gardening groups, are also always looking for people in good health, to aid others who are not, with digging and weeding paths in community gardens. Most of the people in these types of groups are friendly but don't ask personal questions or intrude on your private angst. Cheerio.

[JAVISI]

Utterly Confused,
Just wondering how things are going. I am sure you are still having some bad days but hopefull they are not all bad! It is good to take things one day at a time. Do you have any friends or co-workers that you can talk to maybe get out with them a little bit I hope you are not aleinating yourself. I did that for awhile. I found that it was not productive at all!

I also tried to sleep my life away, That is not the answer either! I hope that you keep coming to this site. I think you are not alone in the least!

Hoping for you to have a good and happy day!
Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars, Javisi:)