I know I can't give up, so please help

[jena1225]

I just really feel like giving up, but I know I can't - if you don't know, I have 2small children who need me. But if I cannot be the mother they need, then what the he!! am I to do?!

My 7 yrd old girl is acting out so bad right now, and she is just angry. I know it's b/c of my situation :(

Although she understands I am having problems, even I know it does not mean she has to like it :rolleyes: And what does a 7 year old do when they don't like something? Well, mine acts out. She just acts as if she should be able to do what she wants, and that I should be able to do more, etc... I know, I know, that is what they do at that age. But, I really don't think it is just a phase. I think that if I do not fix it somehow, it is only going to get worse. I can just feel the resentment seeping out of her, and I just don't know what to do :confused:

DH works alot, trying to save the family bz. Everytime I go anywhere, I end up in even more pain, overheated, weak, tired, whatever! The last 2 times I went anywhere, I have almost regretted doing so. I say almost because last night was my son's graduation from Pre-K :D. But when I got home, I was already in more pain than when I left the house. And the grad was only about an hour. Having to sit in a pew probably did not help.

Today was no good at all. I am having these major twitches in my hands, my pain meds and Baclofen were increased, so I have barely been able to keep my eyes open. Luckily kids are in school and/or aftercare. But what am I going to do when summer gets here? NEXT WEEK! :eek:

I am putting my son in a Tai Kwon Do Camp right around the corner from my house, so that will be good for him. But my daughter will be staying home and it is b/c I want to spend more time with her as she just needs my attention. Not the whole time though, that is why I have some activities planned. I just really need to get to where I can actually do them! A couple of them are no big deal, like taking her to the library, dropping her off for a couple hours to do crafts at a local craft store. I really also want to be able to take her to the water park, Busch Gardens, etc... But I just really need to figure out how! I mean how am I going to do any of this if I can't do the smallest of things now? I don't want to give up and put her in a summer camp. I just feel I have to make the sacrifice to do the right thing and try to make things better. But how?? when it takes so little to where I just drop :rolleyes: I mean, other people walk around in pain all the time, why can't I?

Sorry if I went into too much detail, and thanks for any help you can give!

[A.K.]

I am in the same place you are as far as wanting to give up. I take one step forward and three or four back it seems. I feel terrible, I am depressed, again, and my energy level is a minus 5 on a scale of 1 to 10.

I am writing to tell you that you aren't alone and to say how much I admire you for going thru this while raising children. Just the fact that you recognize your 7 yr old is having a hard time with it says you are a wonderful and attentive Mom. My only recommendation is to give hugs and ask for hugs whenever you feel up to them and keep doing you best every day, no matter what your best is.

Feel better, Angela

[Mark N]

I am different and never want to give up. If you knew what I am going through with my wife you would understand.

Kids need a consistent firm hand and time to learn lessons. We have never spanked our kids but they have turned out to be very good behaved kids. Why, because I would calmly put them in a chair and stay there while they set there until they learned to stay in the chair until told to get up. First, I ask them what happened instead of assuming what happened. Even if I saw it occur I didn't know their perspective. That didn't mean they got away with it but did get to tell their side [most often while in the chair]. Then I explained to them that I would rather tell them what I wanted them to do than punish them but I would punish them if that was the only way they would follow the rules.

Since becoming disabled, I have spent much more time talking to my kids. Often it is what they are wanting to talk about.

Jena, I always looked at it this way, do I want to deal with a 7 year old with a problem or deal with a teenager with a problem. For me it was much better to deal with them when they were younger and I didn't have to do much when they have been teenagers. A big reason that it worked for me is because it taught my children that I would be fair and consistent and respected them by including them in decisions they could handle. good luck teaching your daughter. I told my kids they could be angry but they had to show it in an acceptable manner. I hope I gave you a few ideas that will work.

[Sara1979]

I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. It is so hard to watch everyone else to the simplest of things with such ease but know the agony it will cause me later. My thoughts are with you. Big Hugs.

[jena1225]

Angela, thank you for the kind words :) We do alot of hugging around here, so there is no love to that is being neglected. I really think this is the summer to get my daughter back on track, as I really do think she feels neglected. And although I cannot do anything physical, or go out too much, I really should be making more of an effort to do the things I CAN with her at home. I really haven't though, as I been a bit irritated and impatient lately. I do think it is a vicious cycle - I feel guilty, get grumpy, don't want to do anything. Then I don't do as much as I could, so I feel guilty. I have to somehow stop the cycle, but how?

Mark, Although I could get better in the being consitant area :rolleyes: she gets her punishments, but sometimes no matter what you do...
I am more worried about how I am going to "physically" get through this summer with her, since it is so hard to go anywhere. I cannot just stay home everyday, although I will at least 2 days a week. Thank you for your suggestions :)

sara, yes, that's what I am talking about. I do know that I have limitations, so I cannot compare myself. I just need to find out exactly what I can do, without making myself worse, and how to do it :confused:

[Kathi49]

Jena,

I feel for you because I believe it is hard for the younger ones to even begin to understand. I wish I had more tips as to what you could do. But my health issues didn't really begin until my daughter entered college. So, that is one thing I didn't have to worry about. But I can tell you that when I went through my first and only divorce, my daughter acted out also. She was very angry but being so young (8 years old) she couldn't really voice it, of course, like an adult or teenager could.

So, the only thing I knew to do was to explain ONLY as much as she could understand. But I did sit her down one day and asked her if it would help if I took her to someone she could talk to....meaning a counselor or psychologist. I just felt someone outside of the situation, someone she could open up to would help. I got the impression and/or felt she was afraid or didn't want to voice her feelings in front of me OR her father for fear of hurting OUR feelings. But there was so much resentment in her.

She was old enough to know what I meant by "talking with someone else" and so she said yes to it. I took her to about 3 or 4 sessions and to a child psychologist. And it really helped her and turned her around completely. After that I never had any problems again. I don't know to this day what the lady spoke to her about. And I only spoke to the Psychologist once to explain what was happening.

I know it seems drastic but I was really trying to help her and it worked for me and her. As I said, it really turned her around. Of course I am speaking of a divorce situation but the outcome was sort of the same. My daughter was angry at me, at her dad at the world. And she would be. Her whole world had turned upside down.

But when it was all said and done she was much, much better.

I wish I could come up with better suggestions but I am not a good one to ask about health conditions and smaller children. I admire you for wanting to do so much with your children despite your pain. And I KNOW you want to do so much with them. I just want to add too that there is nothing wrong with summer camp. I have done that too through the years. And my daughter loved it! And there were some summers when her best friend's mother would watch children. She was a teacher so she was off work through the summer and gladly took my daughter during those times when I was still working and my daughter loved spending the summer days with her best friend. Of course in either case I would have to take her and pick her up.

Again, I was working and there was nothing more I wished for than to take vacations with her. But I could not do that EVERY summer. And it seemed it was the simplest things she enjoyed. In other words "I" didn't have to spend every summer filling her plate with activities. Seriously, it might be better for the both of you if you did, perhaps put her in a summer camp. That way you could rest up and have more energy by the end of the day. I know it can be costly but as well as being fun it was also a learning experience for her. Something I couldn't give her myself.

I was trying to think what I did when I was younger and I can tell you my mom enrolled at least 3 of us in 4H back in the day LOL! My sister took our dog and did dog training, I did cooking, sewing and metalcraft and my brother did metalcraft and some other things...just can't remember them all. But we loved it! I also did tap, jazz, ballet and gymnastics when I was about 7.

Anyway, I am just saying there are all kinds of programs where you just don't have to wear yourself out. I hope some other folks have some other suggestions. :)

[jena1225]

Kathi, I read your mind! lol Before reading your post I had a thought that maybe I should send her to the Tai Kwon Do camp I am sending my son to! I told my DH that it will hopefully calm her down mentally, give her an outlet for her frustrations, teach her self-discipline, and more. AND it will give me the summer to hopefully teach myself what I can do, what I can't do, and what I should and shouldn't do. And overall just give me more time to adjust.

So, like you said, although it will be costly, it is only $30 a week more than what I pay now, it will give me more energy at the end of the day, and since it is summer, I won't be sooo anal about getting them to bed as early, therfore having more time with them at night and cutting down on my stress level! It will be fun AND aside from counseling (Which is also a great idea btw, and I will be looking into it, so thank you!) I can't think of a better way to "help" her.

Oh, and she is going to MS Camp this weekend! She will be with other kids who's parents have MS, and I am sure it will be there that she opens up more, something I do think she needs to do. And like you said, she will be more apt to do so there than here :)

Thanks so Kathi, after reading your post, it just reinforced my decision :)

[Kathi49]

Jena,

LOL! I was just thinking...don't jump on the counselor bandwagon too quick. A divorce situation is a lot different than what your daughter is experiencing. I just meant I had to do something to enable her to "let it out" without being fearful of hurting my feelings or her father's.

Also, I think you are feeling the "guilt thing" LOL! But don't! :D I felt that too many, many times. But, hey, kids love these summer camps. At least mine did! And in the long run I was feeling guilt over nothing. Shoot, she ended up wanting to go to all kinds of things. And they are flexible and do bounce right back even if they do get mad LOL!

I think it is great that she is going to MS camp! And, you are right, she will probably feel very free to talk about things and express her feelings.

Anyway, the main thing is to take care of YOU so that you can care for your kids. So, if this gives you a way to de-stress and adjust I think you will find you will have more time and energy to do other things with them. :)

[jena1225]

I agree. And I actually really like your "therapy" idea. I really think that was a great thing for you to do at that time :) A lot of people really do not take it that seriously, thinking the kids will just adjust on their own. I just do not think they really do, and can so benefit from counseling :)

I just cannot seem to get past this guilt thing. And I know they sense it, as I probably subconsciencly let it show. So they play on it :rolleyes: So, really, it is all my fault! lol I could use some counseling, that's for sure.

I do know that I avoid going anywhere because it is such a struggle and i pay for it later each time. BUT, I feel not doing things means I am just not making any sacrifices for them.

I also wonder if I am depressed and therefore being lazy?? I am going to try making some changes starting this week, starting out by testing my physical abilities. I will try to get out more and see what happens. If I only have to pay for a day or 2, well, then I just have to do it. If it makes me worse, now that is a different story.

But something has to change, and it has to start with me! Thank you guys so much for your insight, as all of it has me motivated :p Well, until the next time I go anywhere (which will be tonight for daughters concert! Then I will be back crying on your shoulders again! lol)

[hummer]

Dear jena1225..........

I wanted to talk and picked you.....oh boy.....anyone who sticks it out, reading my words.....Blessings to you....

This is the opinion of someone with a brain injury who spent years and years going to therapy....couselors and psychologists.....sometimes 3 times a week.....for many, many, years.......

It is my opinion....that you can not give your child a greater gift than to have her see a counselor.....It would be the best gift to her, your Self, and your family, as a whole.....to go your Self.......

Almost every moment of my Life, I use the tools I learned in therapy.....there is no way to calculate the benifits I received......I think especially for a child....this would be so helpful....if there is a problem with a parent and child.....they are then, both part of the problem.....children have no power against a parent....so an outside sourse for them, gives more of a chance to be resolved in ways of understanding that might not have been reached before......

To examine your Self, as a person, and reach an understanding of reality, where before you were confused, or conflicted, is such a lifting of weight from your Soul.....To be given tools to understanding how to think in ways that can resolve conflict....to learn to understand how you view the world, and have help in seeing how you can fit in your own skin, with acceptance....

I don't know if I can find words to create my meaning....I hope you understood, my meaning, and the ways it would help your daughter in living her Life now, and in years to come....I am amazed at how often there is a negative bias, held against, such a wonderfully positive tool, for learning, and helping our Selves to live.....

You speak of feeling guilty......I thank God, often, that I was allowed to die.....and retain some understanding of it......one thing I know is that guilt does not exist from The God part of the equation.....it is only something you are punishing your Self with....why.....

There was something I learned in therapy that helped me so much....one of those little chants that run through my head when I get troubled.......I had to 'OWN' my own feelings.....OWN my own reality......you have nothing to feel guilty over.....would you punish someone for being in pain...?....I don't even know you, but I don't think you would.....so why punish, your Self, for being in pain.....That is why I think going to a therapist for you would be a gift you could give your Self.....

There are many different options for paying for this.....if it is a hardship they work with you.....even the school councilor can be helpful.....you want one that offers you tools......because, just as in everything else, there are good therapists and some that aren't....

I think so many people try to hide their pain from their children, then their children are denied the reality of their parent, then they see situations without true understanding of what is going on....and it doesn't make sense to them.........resentment rears it's head......then who knows how things will fester and even what they may be.....children's minds always amaze me......

I was a care giver to my great nephew for most of his young Life....it was so funny to hear him explain, ME to his friends.....explain my limitations....it was so, matter of fact, and accepted, he was just letting the others know how it was.......

One of my favorite stories of him......in trying to over come my own depressions I searched for the 'one thing' I could hold on to, as true thankfulness.....that 'one thing' was, that I could walk.....

When I was in hospital after my accident 7 specialists had stood at the end of my bed and told me, I was a miracle....that the injuries to my spine were so severe there was just no way I should be able to walk....no way at all......I was, and am, truly thankful I can walk.....

I measured out a distance, on our rural road, a spot we could walk to, that would have water, or a phone.....incase I got in trouble.....it was a far distance, but I figured I could make it, and I could take, as long, as was needed.....my concern was that it might be too far, for my great nephew to walk.....

I had the 'serious' chat with him.....I explained that I wanted to walk, from our house to the little store....did he think he could walk that far...because he knew I could not carry him, if he got tired.....we could find places to rest along the way if he got tired.....

I told him we would sit down and rest, until he was ready to go, but that I would not be able to carry him....did he think he could walk...all that way.....then turn around and walk...all that way..... back home....I said, that he needed to take a few moments and really think about it....to think if he could really walk that far......

I remember, he put his little head down, moved his toe around in the dirt....he was giving it his most serious thought.....After a few moments, he turned his little face up, frowning just a bit, and said, very solomn...."Okay, Auntie, but I might have to run some of the way."......!!!!......

I laughed so hard.....

I hope you can find some rest for your body.....and rest for your Spirit.......

Blessings on us all......
Hummer

[curiousforever]

Hugs....

The *best* thing you can do for your kids is to talk with them. Listen to them. Ask about school, their dreams, etc.

It'll be a huge thing once they turn into a teen....

Ask them about what they think about what's going on and how they feel about it - and how to fix how they feel (if they are angry).

It'll not only keep you 2 closer, but teach her how to deal with feelings.

Maybe do a family game night (board games).

[JAVISI]

Jena,
I want you to know that you are doing the best tha you can. I don't want you to give up! I almost died twice from bilateral pneumonia, and then septic shock. I have dealt with depression and major guilt about my children, they were dealing with my illness, then I divorced their dad. They are all grown and out of the house but I have many regrets for not leaving sooner, hurting them by leaving their dad. Even kids/adults act out!
I want to keep my grandaughter who is 3 for a few days but I get so wore out with her and my grandson is 1. I can't keep up with him either.
But when I was near death I realized I want to live I want to do so much more in my life, I am 40. That is too soon to leave this world! Wanting to be with my children and my boyfriend, I had to live! I was a Registered Nurse and am not able to work but I know God put me on this earth to help people and that is why I am here!
I hope you are able to focus on all the things that you want yet in this world yet! You are a good mom and they are lucky to have you!
Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars! Javisi

[debhun]

Hummer you are a tb person? My DH is. it took him a long time to get where he is at today. It was not easy at all for him or me. We had only been married for one month when a log loader hit him in the head. The Dr could not believe that he was a live. But thought therapy, counselors and psychologists we got thought it. So I know what you have been though.

Jena
Don't give up trust me you can do it. If I can you can. I had 4 kids. But all have grown up the last one is 18 and the oldest is 30.So hang in there girl. If you need me you got my e-mail

((((((((((HUGS))))))))))
Deb

[Jo6]

Jena, I think you have got some good pointers here. Is your daughter the # 2 child? If that is the case her behaviour could be linked to that. If you get rest and feel better it will always help you. It sounds like you have a plan mapped out:)
As to daughter, she seems to have the "classic middle child" syndrome. Some people don't believe in this, but sometimes what worked on son may not work with her. She is very young but it sounds like you are a good mother, giving hugs and attention. Just don't forget Your health. that is most important.

good luck Jena, Julia

you only mentioned 2 children so it would be the classic second child syndrome. Stupid me, can't keep a thought in my ignorant head today.

[BrokenBladder]

Jena don't give up on yourself!! I know how frustrating it can be to feel like your children are being let down due to your illness. They will come around, especially your daughter. Children have such a hard time understanding our limititations but they will come around. It sounds like you give your children plenty of love and that alone will conquer all. Many hugs are being sent to you by me!!!!!! Please take care and don't blame yourself because you didn't ask for this either!!!

[Mark N]

jena, I wanted to add one more idea. Your daughter will end up get as much from your condition as she will lose. I know my kids [they were 3 and not yet born when this started for me]. Both my kids have learned to be more understanding and able to relate to handicapped kids. They have learned patience that I never had and also how to handle disappointment when I couldn't attend events. I gave them as much as I could but they also gained from it. One of my best memories was following my lumbar fusion. Neither kid [8 & 3] liked me using my walker to get around. they kept after me to walk without it so I got up and walked 10 feet across the room with the kids yelling and cheering like I won a gold medal in the Olympics.

Give your daughter time and a counselor if she needs one but she will end up learning so very valuable lessons from you.

[jena1225]

Wow, so many great responses! Too many to reply to individually, so I will do my best!

First, I want to say how very grateful I am too each of you for caring so much :) You are all so wonderful, and wise at that!

My daughter is my first-born, and I think I may have started out wrong to begin with. I think I gave her too much attention fearful that if I didn't, she would have the low self-esteem I did growing up :( I think it may have backfired, with her thinking she was more special than anybody else, and deserving of more.

I have always taught her to be caring of others, and stressed taking that poor, disabled, underdog under her wing when the opportunity arose.

I always talk to her, remind her that she can tell me anything, try to instill good values in her.

I think counseling is a great idea, for both of us! I do think I am depressed, and it is so hard for me to make anything at all happen when I feel so pressured to fix things. It's like I become paralysed just not knowing where to start. The guilt factor has always been very hard for me to get through. I believe it gets even harder the longer it goes on.

Until I find the right counselor, see how I will handle the financial part of it, I'm going to watch what the Tai Kwon Do does for her. I do think it is going to have a very positive impact on her.

Funny thing is, knowing myself so well, I can probably tell you exactly what needs to happen for me to snap out of this depressed, confused, guilty state I am in. That is to make that first step in making sure my kids are getting the quality time with me and hubby that they have not really been getting. I know it's because I seem to be an "all or nothing" type of person. Meaning, if I can't give them ALL of me, then only some just isn't good enough! Does that make sense? Basically, being that my MS and my pain are both declining, it has been my family spending most of the time with them in the past several weeks. That alone makes me feel horrible, and around and around it goes! I am horrible anymore at putting all the things I need to do in order of how they should be done, therefore not knowing where to start, so I start nowhere! and nothing gets done. Maybe I really am OCD, I have been suspicious.

But, I have a feeling once I do just ONE thing and get the ball rolling, I will start to feel better and things will progress from there.

SO, I am going to take all of your advice to heart, and se what I am capable of right now, and go from there :)

I do know where I am going to start though, and that will be to make those lists that someone mentioned about what I can do when I am good, not so good, and just BAD!

I already have started spending more time with them doing what we used to do, like the game playing, puzzles, etc... but has ben so far and few between that it's just not enough.

Wow, I really went on here! I just so appreciate all of you so much, and I will be re-reading all your posts to make sure I don't forget a thing!

You guys are truely the best :D

What I NEED to do is evaluate my abilities NOW. And the first thing I am going to

[Mark N]

jena, slow down and take a breathe lol. You can't always take care of depression yourself but one way is to have a book like "Don't Sweat the little Things" series. I have a tendency to be a perfectionist and it kept me from starting projects to do them the best I could do. I had to teach myself to take the first step and move on doing the best I could. It sounds like you need to scale back your activities. One of the sayings I made up for my students and kids is 'you are someone special but so is everyone else'. I was trying to get them to see they should feel special but should also try and make others feel special too. It doesn't always get across but it did open some of their eyes.

One way we gave our kids confidence was to have them order their own meals when we went out to eat. Have chores for them to do and for the younger ones make a game out of it. My wife spoiled our son when he was little and couldn't understand why he always fussed when they went to the store and didn't do it when I went. It was the different way we disciplined them. They knew I would be fair and firm; their mom would give in if they made enough of a fuss while I would take them out to the car and we would go home. I know it is hard for mothers to hear them and stand firm but that is why dads are important.

If I were you, I would scale back my activities and be satisfied with what you can do. It takes a while to adjust to our disabilities but you will learn that you have to accept the restrictions. I had one of my 'lost' days yesterday[unable to wake up completely and in pain unable to anything] it used to make me feel bad but I have come to realize it happens now and then no matter what I do.

Remember, you can't do everything and you can't make everything right for anybody; just do the best you can do.

[Kathi49]

Jena,

You will be fine. You have a lot on your plate right now. But I know what you mean by giving of yourself until you drop. And Mark is right about mother's giving in...sometimes. I only had the one daughter or child rather because I was warned about the potential for another preemie birth. Not that that was a big issue and I could be managed, but I just didn't risk it again.

Anyway, something was said to me by the staff at Riley Hospital. I used to go to their meetings (parents of preemie babies) and I asked about daycare. I had this real guilt trip going on even when she was 2 about putting her in daycare. But the staff told me that moms of preemies tend to be overprotective and good reasons why!!! But to let go and the BEST thing I could do was to put her in a place where she could socialize with other kids.

So, at about age 3 I HAD to go back to work and I put her in daycare. Geez, I was a mess! But the girl loved it! She never once cried and BEGGED to stay when I would go pick her up. So, I know she was having a great time!

Anyway, my point is...they are resilient. WE THINK sometimes we aren't doing enough. And then we end up going overboard! And again, quality time doesn't have to mean "activities". Through the years I think just the reassurance that I was around was enough. I mean it could be something as simple as renting a movie and watching it together. Or sometimes, and this is silly, I would get my other nieces and have a slumber party for them and we would all have "girl talk". They STILL all talk about that to this day. Evidently, they loved it. And don't laugh Mark, but my daughter said the other night that she used to love it when I get out the records and we would all dance. So, see...it is was mainly just goofy, silly stuff that they seemed to enjoy the most.

Oh, and Jena on my Mother's Day card my daughter wrote about being firm. And she wrote a book by the way. But what she said in one part was, "Here's to the times you told me no, but now I know you were always right!"

Anyway, yep, we moms give in and give in. I know that. But we still have to be firm sometimes too. I know I spoiled my daughter and I think I was trying to make up for the divorce so I did go overboard...my fault. But at the same time I also tried to instill other ethics.

Okay, enough of my rambling. I just wanted to say again to take care of YOU! You know how it is. By the end of the day you are just used up and tired and you don't have a whole lot to give. So, I see nothing wrong by maybe sending her to summer camp or even the Tai Kwon Do so you can concentrate on YOU. All of us moms and dads need a break...I know that. And when you throw CP on top of it, you really almost have to take the time out just for yourself. So, hang in there. You will be fine and so will your kids. :D

[jena1225]

Geez, am I that transparent!? lol. Kidding! You guys got it pegged. Mark, you are so right about the whole mom and dad thing! I have practically let them walk all over me, only b/c I have felt guilty from the beginning that I was just not doing enough! I never wanted them to feel the way I did growing up, and I think I maybe tried TOO hard and it started having the opposite affect.

I think of myself as a perfectionist, who is just very good at it! lol I do put way too much on myself, and end up doing not enough. I really am going to make a big effort to concentrate on that, and I am hoping to give myself more of a break. Then maybe things will start to slow down in my mind :o

You know, I have that book "Don'y sweat the Small Stuff" I should find and read it again :)

Kathi, you are right and I have always believed that the small things are the things that they end up remembering and cherishing. But through the years I think I gradually put more felt I owed them more! aarrrrgghh! lol

I HAVE to change my thinking is all, I really do. I think if I ever needed a starting point, that would be it. So, wish me luck, and perhaps throw me a reminder here and then :D

Seriously, you guys are awesome, thank you!

[Mark N]

jena, good luck:) . I look at my growing up and Kathi is right it was the funtimes I remember. Just lying in the yard looking up at the evening sky trying to spot a satellite going by [my dad was stationed in Bermuda and it was a tracking station] also tossing a ball around together. Another thing, I don't remember the big [we didn't have much money but it seemed big at the time] Christmas presents [except one and it was more about being in my grandparents house and waking up] but I do remember some of the small cheap presents. Watch a young child open up a present and tossing the toy aside and playing with the box for days. My son used to love getting the sofa cushions out and jumping over them. It is the small things in life that really makes an impression on us.

[jena1225]

Oh Mark, I know! I LOVE watching are helping my kids make a fort!! That was one of the best things I ever did as a child :D

[Kathi49]

Jena,

I think as parents we all do the best we can. I think you are doing a great job despite your pain. :) But your kids know how to push your buttons...but, don't they all? LOL I don't know how many times I have told my daughter there just are some things I just can't do anymore. Yet, even at her age she will look around and say, "Well, what needs to be done?" And so I say, "Just look around you...why ask?" UGH! Oh, well, she will be getting her own place soon and I can lay down a $1000 bucks SHE will keep her OWN place neat and clean. It is not that she won't help or not that she doesn't contribute. But I STILL have to remind her sometimes.

And you and Mark are cracking me up! My brothers used to make the neatest forts; in trees in creeks...just everywhere LOL! And I ALWAYS wanted to go and "help"! But my mother said, "Stay away...they are boys!" Or, the boys would say, "Get out of here BRAT!" Anyway, I always thought it was so unfair that I couldn't do the same things they got to do LOL!