My best friends brother-in0law commited suicide

[JAVISI]

My best friend that I had all through high school, lived with her sister and brother and law. I spent so much time there it was my second home, due to my desire of not wanting to go home and deal with my mom's alcoholism.

Over the week-end at the age of 45 he commited suiside by hanging himself in their garage!:( . My best friend is here for the funeral from Texas. It is so sad, the reason why. I am a part of this family and always had been. I keep trying to find the answer WHY! But I know that the what if's and why's will never be answered. I knew he had problems and hid them well, He was always smiling, dimples and all, but so many secrets were going on in that house.

His wife had not been staying at the house due to his erratic, mean and obsessive behavior. He was to get help today, now he will be burried today. He was a stock car racer, so the herse is going to take his last few laps around the track, while the song over the loud speaker is playing, "When I get where I'm going" By Brad Paisley.

His pain may be gone but the pain is over whelming for his family and friends. I want to do something, but what? I guess just be there and hold their hands and give many hugs. For the last few days We have cried, laughed at the memories we have along with being angry. He was proceeded in death ny a wife that feels guilty for leaving, a daughter that is blaming her mom, and a ason that seen him hanging in the garage.

Please pray for this family as they really need it at a time like this, He may not have his burial expences paid for, she will have to pay for Cobra insurance and can barely walk due to a disc problem. Financially she will be in trouble!

Thanks for all of your care! Laurie

[Buttons2]

Hi Laurie, this is very sad. You're right.....hugs & prayers are about all you can do right now. Such a tragedy, I sure hope the son, especially, will be getting some professional counseling,talk about a nightmare to see you own father hanging dead!

I couldn't get into BT until today,was hoping you & Breeze were still here & not wiped out by the tornadoes!

Anyway, I'm back,let me know what I can possibly do to help. This all brings back memories of when my brother-in-law committed suicide. The "why" might never be answered to anyone's satisfaction. The guilt will be there awhile. They all need to reach out for help right now. Telling people it had nothing to do with them....well, that's just words. Maybe a support group would be a good idea,they are not alone in suffering this kind of tragedy & I suspect most of us have many similiar feelings when it happens. Mostly, how could we have prevented this? Truth is....nobody could have stopped him. It's nobody's fault.

Hang in there Laurie,don't let this set your own health issues back OK?
Big HUG,Buttons

[Tootsie]

Laurie,
I am so sorry to hear about your friend's brother-in-law. Suicide never really resolves any problem, just creates different ones. It is sad that the family seems to be blaming each other. I do hope they are able to get some help from a support group, or personal couselor to help them through the grieving process.

Please take care of yourself and rely on all of your own personal support network. I know how much you want to just jump in there, and fix everything, like the nurse that you are, always wants to do. It may be, that the only thing you can do, is recommend any community resources, that you are aware of, that might be helpful to them. Cheerio.

[JAVISI]

Many thanks to my dear friends,
You all have always been there for me and that means a lot! I know that this is a problem that I can not fix, even though I want to so badly! I have over done it, my illness has been much worse. it seems everyday this week I have had somewhere to go!
I went to visit my son after picking up my daughter and his daughter. While there I aspirated on my own saliva, I could not catch my breath. I had to be transported to the hospital by ambulance. What an awful thing to happen in front of my grandaughter, daughter and son. He was so helpless being behind that glass partition. We did get to call him and tell him, I was okay and sent home on antibiotics.

I should have known to stay home, my left eye was drooping, that always happens when I over do it. But I only get to see my son 1 day a week. Afterwards I went to my parents house and left the car with my daughter. My dad went over there to get it even though I told my daughter to use it if she needed to go to the store. Or any thing she needed to do! I feel like I am a teen-ager and have no voice in my life any more. I get so angry, he is the mgaurenter over my money so I guess he thinks he has control over my entire life! After all I am 40 not 14!

When I got home I fell and got a goose egg on my head. Sometimes I just want to give up and say just make all of my desisions, and I will not say a thing, maybe it would just be easier that way!

I am just so tired, I wonder when things will start going better!
I am sorry to vent so much on this post, Life somedays just seems so hard when all I want is a little bit of normalcy, I am sure we all feel that at times!

I am still Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars, they are just lower ones!
Hugs, Javisi:(

[Buttons2]

Oh Laurie, I was afraid you would be stressed out this week! Seems like the bad stuff just keeps rolling your way......you are a fighter! And have so much compassion for others. Have a good cry & let some of this horrid situation right now go. Didn't you say that you had recently gotten a new doggie? I so hope you find some joy with him/her.

Hang on, what else can you do? I know you always manage to find the positive in life, cherish all those moments,get some much needed rest,and prepare to battle with the next round thrown your way!

Maybe when things settle down you could tell your father that you have already lost so much in your life, that you really do need to be respected & treated like an intelligent adult! How would he feel if he was in your shoes? Maybe he's a control freak,I don't know. It's taken me far too long to realize this about my own father!

HUGS,Buttons

[JAVISI]

Buttons
I am so afraid, I don't know why to stand up to my dad. He has never been abusive to me physically. I guess I never liked to make him mad or hurt his feelings. I guess my whole life has been that way. I have always been afraid to stand up for myself! I have been trying to work on that but it seems like I feel strong then something else happens. It has got to end soon!

I still try to keep my head held high but it seems some days are harder than others! I just want to be happy and live a little bit of a normal life! Sometimes that seems like it is so far away.

I think I will get my dog this week-end. I will be aroung most of this week so I can spend some time with him! I know it will be good therapy. He is sick and needs unconditional love just like me!

I tried to go out and help with the garden yesterday evening, I about dropped. I couldn't breath, and was so weak, I practically neede to be carried in the house. I cried I wanted to help with the garden, do it togeather. I felt so sad. But my boyfriend said now do you realize you have to slow down! He cooked supper, by the way I may not have told anyone but I pulled my NG tibe. My gastr Dr. Told me that I am one of the toughest person he had ever met! It was nice to hear that. I think of that when I am so tired and weak!

Buttons, I am so happy and am so greatful for such a great friend that I have in you! You are a special person that I know has many rewards awaiting you!
With Love, Laurie:)

[clouds z]

was he on meds? sorry he did this

[Buttons2]

Laurie, I wonder just how we ever will learn to ACCEPT our limitations in life now? I sure don't seem to do it very well & I'm not nearly as bad off physically as you are!

As for how to deal with our fathers, I don't have any answers to that either! A cyber friend sent me a book about Toxic Parents, it was a real eye opener for me! All these years I've blamed my mother & didn't realize the role my dad played. He is an alcoholic but hasn't had a drink in over 50 yrs. The book brought back so many memories I had buried inside me. I could recall back to being 18 mo old,sick with chicken pox & my dad beating me in the crib cause I wouldn't stop crying!

Well, this isn't about ME, so I'll just say to you-do the best you can. Don't beat yourself up over anything you can't change.

I understand your frustration with not being able to do gardening. I've lived where I am over 8 years. Ten years ago I did alot of landscaping,now I have to look at the weeds that have completely taken over! It makes me sick to look at the overgrown mess! So I try to focus on the birds,bunnies,chipmunks,etc. that come in the yard. I gave up on veggie gardens a few years ago,can't get down on my knees to weed or I'll never get back up!:rolleyes: Last few years have put green beans & tomatoes into the whiskey barrels I used to have full of colorful flowers. Gotta figure out ways to still do stuff but not like we used to!

Hey, your weekly visit with your son should go better this week huh? And always keep in mind that people truly love you & need you to be around,they don't care if you can't always function the way you used to, they just need you to be a part of their lives.

And getting a positive comment from a doc is such a good thing....you've been through so much of the negative! You are tough.....or you wouldn't be here!

One more thought about your dad,he lives 24/7 with an alcoholic,he has no control over that. So try to let the "small" stuff slide,he means no harm I'm sure. Kudos to him for sticking with your mom-ya sure don't want her living with you eh?:rolleyes: He may never treat you with the respect you deserve. Old patterns are very hard to change. This is what I tell myself. My dad is in his 80's and won't last forever,he says many hurtful things to me & flat out tells me I'm too young to be this sick! Well, gee, I didn't ask for this!

So many on BT have lost their parents already. I feel blessed that I still have mine even though they drive me to despair. Sometimes ya just feel like little pieces of yourself are being taken away more everyday......so I guess we just have to keep on going,never know what tomorrow might bring.

Life is precious no matter how difficult it gets. Hang on to your dreams Laurie,some of them have already come true,this time last year you sure never dreamed you'd be with this guy now right? So you never know what might be just around the corner!

HUGS,Buttons

[JAVISI]

Cloudz,
Yes he did take antidepressants occasionally. I even talk to him and told him that he needed to take them all of the time to work. I guess he never listened to me! I am so angry at him for taking the easy way out! I thought it was his dad that commited suicide but it was his mom, he found her and called 911 but it was too late! I have many emotions that I have been feeling on a daily basis. His funeral, although it was a grand exit, I hurt so bad, he was just like a big brother. Even though he was young, I looked up to him as a role model as a teen. It breaks my heart for his family whom I love dearly!

Buttons,
I owe you so much. You so many times have been my rock and salvation when I have felt like giving up! Yuu are a true friend, you tell me no lies you tell me like it is and I love you for that. I got over being upset with my dad the next day. I can 't seem to hold a grudge very long. He loves me and is doing what is best for me not realizing that in return he is hurting me!

I do never no what is around the corner. I have truely foud a man that loves me and treats me so well I often wonder what I did to deserve him! But I have him and I am olding on tight sometimes to tight but he also understands why too!

My best friend leaves tomarrow so we are going to see her for awhile so I need to go. I am going to try not to drain myself but I am afraid I will but at least my boyfriend will be there he knows me well enough to see the signs when I have had enough and he will say we need to go! What a catch I got in him!

And you! Mny thaks to you, you will live in a golden castle filled with beautiful diamonds and pearls someday and will be healed! Love you bunches my dear friend! Love, Javisi

[Buttons2]

Javisi, well here's a new week. Let's hope that you can rest some this week & not have any tragedies come into your life! And stay out of the hospital:rolleyes: Just one week where you can enjoy the sunshine (hopefully),see your grandkids for hugs & kisses,not have any family crisis......well, does that cover it?

Would that be great or what!! Time to let your body do some much needed healing & your brain to be free of worry about others.

You are very special here on this planet,of course you deserve your boyfriend! Don't ever question the good things that come your way,about time you had something to balance out with all the bad I'd say!!

Too much in your life has been filled with pain,both physical & emotional. Hey,a person can only handle so much.....then something has to give! Grab onto any good vibes spinning around in your world & don't let them go! Use them as a shield to protect you from the next roadblock.

Look up at the sun today & tell it to get over here on the West coast, I've had just about all this dreary weather & recent rain I can handle!:D

HUGS,Buttons

P.S. Thank you for all the kind words,sometimes a connection with an internet friend just might be the best part of the day!

[JAVISI]

Dear friends,
I am so thankful for all of you and many days the best thing that I do for myself is sit on this chair and talk to all of you! I am still tired and weak but I did get my doggie, She was not to be a house dog but she is laying here right next to me.

Her name is lassie, but she is so small, much smaller than most Shelties due to her lung problems. She just lays around a lot! Kind of like me. She is so sweet! My boyfriends dad raises them and this dog was his mom's favorite. As you may not know she died just a little over a year ago of cancer. So I feel it is only right that we take good care of her favorite dog. I think that is one of the reasons she has been able to stay in the house! One very happy note!

I have to see my new internist tomarrow. I really dread it, I want a new internist but I also would like to be able to saty home for just one full week. It seems like I run constantly and it is taking it'toll. I am that Nurse and that little girl trying to bring peace in to the household of alcoholism and abuse. I can't seem to find that happy medium!

I will be glad to see my son on Thursday, just to reassure him that I am okay. I wrote him a letter, but seeing him and him seeing me will be much better. I forgot to tell you my daughter is driving me to the Doctor's office. It is about 45 minutes away. Then we are going to eat out and do a little shopping. It will be so nice to spend time with her.

Things are loking up, I am just a little scared that my lungs and diaphram are so weak. I can't cough anything up. It is only time before I get pneumonia but until then I am going to eat fun and good foods!:D

Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars!
I hold you all so close to my heart, you have all made a wonderful difference in my life!! Javisi:)

[Buttons2]

Javisi, I'm so glad to hear you have a little doggie to keep you company & I just know she will love you to pieces! Is she too big to get on your lap? Bet she is just too sweet!

I swear I don't know what I'd do without my big mutt,Rags. I try very hard to go for a walk everyday with him in the woods. Some days that just isn't possible & I feel sooo guilty, but then I remind myself that I'm doing the best I can & he's a lucky dog to live here!

Hope the doc visit went well,have a good visit with your son tomorrow. Enjoy the time with your daughter!

Later, big HUG,Buttons

[JAVISI]

Buttons,
Pet therapy is the best. Since I don't get to see my children and grandchildren only but once a week, it helps having her here. She is great company. We are also a lot alike! I need a lot of sleep and so does she! I can't walk that far and neither can she but we find the time to spend outside, we look at The flowers that my boyfriend planted for me.:)

My best friend went back to Texas, she is having a hard time coping because she is so far away again. I try to e-mail her everyday just to boost her spirits as much as I can. It is so sad that he didn't realize that he had soo many friends. It was so useless and senseless.

So many people are hurting, fighting, blaming others and some themselves.:( Financially he hasd left so much burden as his wife and him just helped their son purchase a bar, a big investment. His wife was working there. She had insurance through them. She will soon have none. She is taking quite a few meds and has a lower lumbar disc problem. She can barely walk! She really didn't want surgery because the odds were not great that they could fix the problem.

I feel so bad for her, what a strain! I have been staying in touch with her as much as I can! Better go on to the next post!

Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars, Javisi:)