Hi I'm new

[annabel]

OK I post quite a bit, so maybe I can help get us all going!

My quick story. Married, mom of two. Opiate addict. Plain and simple. I've been clean since September 14th after my second bout of rehab.

I'm just wonder what all are peoples addictions, and how they deal with them day to day. I still think about pills every day.

Nice to meet you all

[mcdan]

Nice to meet you Annabel.. You should be proud of how far youve come..
Keep up the good work... Were you using for legit reasons or just the High?

[annabel]

I think it's probably the common thing. Started out legitimate; then I enjoyed the high too much, then I kept doing it because I was so afraid of the withdrawals.

Second time, I wish I had a better reason.


How about you?

[911]

annabell, congrats on doing what i have to do !! i am scared sh..less about doing what you have , i have been opiod addict for many years lieing to docs to get my meds till they got me into a chronic pain program , i would really like to know more about what your doing now and what you went thru to get off them ???? please PM me here or e-mail thru here if you can i need to know what i am in for ,,,, i currently take 300 mg of ms-contin a day so i know it's gona be bad ,,,,,,,,, thanks David aka 911

[houghchrst]

David my addiction was not pills but coming off of anything is hard work. I can't give you anything as for what it is like getting off the pills but I do know what it is like to beat an addiction. I wish you good luck and if you need anything you can email me. Congrats on your wanting to start.

[Super_Dave]

Hi, 911, and all who follow. It's nice to see people talking openly and trying to get clean. There is hope. I wasn't able to get clean and through the detox without medical help, as I was on loads of opiates for 12 years. In February of 2004, I checked myself into treatment. Got clean, and didn't follow treatment up with any kind of aftercare and used again for a few months. That's when I hit a real bottom.

Detoxed again and threw myself into a 12-Step fellowship (AA and NA), and got a sponsor and began working the Steps. That was July 6, 2004. I'm now three years clean and sober. Life is more amazing than I ever dreamed possible, and that's not just propaganda. The first few months were tough. I believed that I would ALWAYS be obsesssed with the thought of wanting drugs. That obsession was removed somewhere around the time I began working my 9th step, and today, I celebrate freedom from the prison I kept myself in for over a decade.

If I can do it, ANYONE can.

Peace, Love, and Happiness,
Dave

[houghchrst]

Welcome Dave and belated Happy Birthday. You are right anybody can do it. Hard work and perserverence. Well worth it. Almost 8 years here.

Have a great day!!!

[Super_Dave]

8 years! Congratulations! What part of the country are you in? I'm in Birmingham, but have traveled quite a bit. I was really surprised at how large and strong the recovery community here is.

[houghchrst]

I am in Flint, Michigan. Did 2 years outpatient rehab with meetings (1 1/2 without fiance and the rest with) and family support and now we just pretty much stay to ourselves. We are big home bodies and are most of the time happy with it.

[81 cherries]

they say the pathway to all drugs it thru marijuana...that's so not true!! when i was 19, i met this guy named joe. he was the type of guy i fell for at that age...thug, gangsta'...you know the type...anyway, this guy always had money on him, always buying me things, paying everytime we went out...all this while working in a warehouse?!?!?!?!?!

the first night i slep at his house, is when i found out what was really going on. people came like almost every 30 minutes he would go "take care of business" while i had no clue what was going on. i was like...DUH!! just watching t.v. and thinking to myself "damn, this fool has a lot of friends!!"

when he held out his hand in front of me, i didn't know what to say or even what to think about what was in his hand. it was a glass pipe with like a bubble at the end..."pookie" he called it. and of course the substance in the glass bowl...meth.

sweet, sweet meth!!! i was hooked!! after the first hit...i was like 'OH MY GOD!! THIS IS THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD!!"

smoking meth was like an every weekend thing that turned into and every day-i don't want to go to work thing!! i lost my job obviously but it didn't matter because joe, now my fiance, was now also my provider of 'everything and anything'. i had it made...or so i thought!!!

PARANOIA...one of the side effects!!! i think was the ultimate cause to the end of our relationship. all i wanted to do was get high and i did anything i could to do so!! (but i never was unfailthful to joe!!) i would get into his 'stash' and party by myself if i had to, so, he wasn't able to trust me anymore and i didn't care about anything anymore or anyone for that matter. all i wanted was POOKIE...


7 years later...here i am, never got any help, never went to rehab...i did visit however ROCK BOTTOM...but was able to bring myself back.

i'm not going to sit here and say that i'm totally clean. i do smoke meth once in a while...why? i don't know it's the high i guess and the feeling that nothing or no one can touch me while i'm in my little world.

i wish i could say that one day i will totally be clean, be free of my habit but i can't, i won't.

[houghchrst]

You could be. Saying you won't condemns you to a life that is unnecessary.

[81 cherries]

i've tried but alway fail. i'm sick!! i need help.

[houghchrst]

Marta, I am glad to see you back. You say you have tried but what have you tried? YOu cannot do it alone. Tell everyone that is important to you and that cares about you what is going on, gives you incentive to get clean and sober, tell them you want help, stay away from people who still use, that is a hard one. We have to stay away from "friends" who use. Once you quit then you find out who your real friends are. Get into a treatment program, there is always a way even without health insurance. You have to want it bad enough to do it. It is a lifetime commitment. Try....???? you can't try, you have to do. If you fail then pick yourself up and start all over again. Keep at it, over and over. It is hard but worth it. What is going on right now? YOu can pm me anytime.

[81 cherries]

i messed up. last night, i saw an ex-boyfriend of mine and he had what i wanted!! he knows how to get to me so i can be with him. we were together for 2 years and it turned out to be abusive because of ****!! all we did all day long is smoke bowl after bowl. i know i should never have gotten into the car but all it took was one look at it and i was sold. i'm hating myself to the max and i'm regretting EVERYTHING i did!! now, i'm feelin like all i want to do is sleep and i hate it. i still have the taste in my mouth...i brushed my teeth like 10 times! why did i do that??? and to top it off, we got into an arguement and i thought he was going to hit me. i stood by the door wanting to get out, wanting to leave but his hand and all his weight was leaned up against it. (he's 6'2, 285 lbs!!) i was so scared. now i'm at work trying to make everything seem 'normal' but all i keep thinking is that when i'm off, i want to go get some more and smoke it by myself. i'm coming down nasty and i hate this feeling. WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH ME????

[81 cherries]

I Just Want To Cry!!!

[houghchrst]

Don't beat yourself up. It happens. It took me two years of treatment to finally "get it". You just start all over again. Make this the first day of your new life. You know what you need to do and you learn by your mistakes. The hard part is not making the same ones again and again. If you need to cry then cry but do not wallow in your misery. Get it over with and move on. It is hard and painful but you can do it. The taste never really goes away but it does pop up less often. When you see people who know how to manipulate you by using your worst enemy to get you don't speak to them, turn away and keep walking. Tell yourself over and over again I don't want to die, I don't want to die because after all, everytime you use you are killing yourself bit by bit. After a while they will get the hint. I had a dealer who was one of my regulars coming to the house even 5 years after I quit, he would show up out of the blue "just to say hi". Never let him in the door. Just said hi how are you, did the quick life check up and he went on his way. Haven't seen him in 2 years. Just hang in there and keep trying. Never quit quitting. You will be successful as long as you never give up.

[annabel]

Oops! Haven't been back here in a while! To 911 if you're still around, the only way to truly get clean is for me anyway, go to a detox for as many days as your insurance will allow, and then continue on with a 12 step program. On really bad days, those meetings keep me accountable.

As far as what to expect from detoxing, it's like a really horrible flu. I've done it at home and don't recommend it. At a rehab facility, they can keep you physically comfortable while detoxing.

Follow up is the key to staying clean, though.

[jimdickie]

Read step one of either AA or NA twelve steps.

Don't mean to be so forward, but it sounds like you want some help:)

[annabel]

Oh, my I really don't come here enough! I'm now 9 months clean and sober. It's not been easy but for those struggling, especially someone like marta, it CAN be done. Meetings have been my salvation as has my family. Some days I take it one day at a time, others an hour at a time and others still a minute at a time. It's still easier to do it sober.

[Amber]

Congrats Annabel on 9 months clean and sober. Nice to see you posting here again :)

Amber

[annabel]

You're welcome. I hope it helps people know you can make it to 9 months!

[Phil]

Hi Annabel,

Welcome to the Addiction forum. Barbiturates were my drug of choice. I have CHF and cannot use triptans anymore (like Imitrex). I have had to "use" twice along with steroids when I was hit with blinding cluster headaches....but I stopped when the headaches stopped.

Welcome again and I look forward to getting to know you!!

Major congratulations on your clean time:):)

Phil and Samantha the cat!!

[annabel]

Hi Phil;

If you don't mind my asking, what's CHF? I'm so lucky I can take the triptans for my migraines. Suprisingly, barbituates were never my thing, but I can see how it could happen when you get a lot of bad headaches.

[Phil]

Hi annabel,

CHF is congestive heart failure. With the cluster study the lowest effective dose was 2mg. That means that I might have been able to get 6 injections out of two syringes...that is if 2mg. would have worked for me. It comes in 6mg. vials too.

Cluster headaches come like clockwork (example 12noon and 12midnight).
I was having them so bad I was using two full syringes a day for weeks at a time!!

Love, Phil and Samantha (meow)

[annabel]

Ugh, that sucks. Thanks for the info.

I've been working on a low grade migraine for 3 days now. I think it's hormonal, but still. My kids are home on school vacation and they're putting a damper on our plans.

[81 cherries]

missed me? i'm back and feeling better than ever...last time i was here...i was in a horrible situation...i'm in a way better place now...thanks for all your help guys...it means the world to me!!!:D

[81CHERRIES09]

it's me, marta. i'm back. i know i was gone for a while but i felt like i had to find myself. everthing has changed!!!
i'm okay...wow...that feels so weird...i am blessed and greatful for my family, my love and myself...i was so dumb but i learned from it...how is everyone doing? i really hope all is well...please write back and help me remember that i am not alone...thanks!!!