Daughter's Emotional Issues

[silentwoman]

My beautiful, smart, funny daughter (age 22) has been having such a horrible time lately and I don't know the best way to provide her with emotional support. She has OCD and anxiety and has difficulty coping with life stresses.

She graduated from college in December and I believe she thought her adult life would begin. She moved out of the house in February and has had one bad thing happen after another. One month after moving out she had to move again as the person holding the lease on her apartment was moving. This caused her stress and when she's stressed she tends to cry hard..sobbing etc. This particular situation turned out ok as she now has an even better living situation.

She had a second disappointment a month later when a job she really wanted (which was in her field and would have been her first "real" job) was given to someone else. She took this disappointment very hard as well. The very next day, her boyfriend (who she thought was "the one") broke up with her saying they weren't right for each other. She believes he couldn't handle her emotions. She's been very depressed with this breakup....not grooming...barely functioning and drinking to numb the pain. She had gone off on meds when she moved but had gotten back on just before the break-up w/ the boyfriend. And, she's now back in therapy...although it's too late for the damage that has already been done.

But that's not all....last Friday she was fired from one of her part-time jobs. Again...lots of sobbing and wondering why the world is against her. Two days later she was upset to find her ex-boyfriend had posted his profile on match.com. She went out for an early dinner and got drunk just before her therapy session. Her best friend picked her up but the next day wrote her an e-mail saying she couldn't handle this anymore etc. etc.

I worry so much about her and her coping skills. Although she graduated w/ honors I will admit she's emotionally immature. She was pinning so much on that relationship w/ her boyfriend and now that it's over she's devasted. I try to be her for her and keep persisting even when she tries to push me away. This whole thing is hurting me and I don't know how to help my girl.

Any insight or advice would be appreciated.

[Lisa]

Silentwoman,

I read your post about your daughter, and it touched me so much. What you are going through, is what I fear the most.

My 12 year old son has Tourette Syndrome, diagnosed just before he turned 7. He has vocal tics that are always with him, a throat clearing sort of hiccup....varying motor tics that come and go, which for the most part aren't a big deal. Is just part of who he is.

Tourettes gives him more than tics, for him it also means anxiety and OCD. I've always said that anxiety and ocd are his biggest issues, the things that worry me the most.

He has problems making small decisions. I've found if I neutrally lay out the possible outcomes; if you choose a, this will happen, and if you choose b, this will happen it sometimes helps. I say I remain "neutral" as I know he looks to me to decide for him. But sometimes he just becomes overwhelmed with the decision making process. I know if I continue to make every little decision for him, he'll never learn to do it himself. But its oh so hard to maintain the "neutral" part. He has also had little "breakdowns" where he has sobbed uncontrollably, was inconsolable.

He is also a very smart boy. His average places him 2nd in all of Grade 7. I know he'll have the brains to let him be whatever he wants to be in this life. I just hope he is able to cope. The helplessness you feel, doing all you can to care for and guide your daughter and still seeing her in pain, are what I fear most for my boys future. That he won't be able to cope with what life brings him, disappointments, heartbreak....all the stuff we go through.

I hope others answer your post with the advice your looking for. I'll hold you and your daughter in my thoughts Silentwoman. If our children could do well based on our love and support it would be easy road.

[JAVISI]

[FONT="Arial Narrow"][SIZE="4"][COLOR="RoyalBlue"]Dear Silent woman,
I am so sorry to hear that your daughter is having such a hard time. Sometimes it seems like when it rains it pours on some people. And unfortunatly we don't know why. God says that we are made stronger at our weakest times.

I know that is not comforting to you. I can understand what you are going through. I have 3 kids,23, 21, and 20. They are really going through rough times. Still trying to find them selves. I haved cried a river over their problems. I have felt guilty like it was my fault for not preparing them for the real world. I loved them and sheltered them yet so many bad things have happened to them. My oldest son is in jail, my daughter is married to a loser who can't seem to get a job. They have a year old baby My oldest has a 3 year old and my youngest has experimented in drugs. I think things are okay but I don't know for sure? I am scared for all of them!

When ever I see them I tell them that I love them, I will always be their for them, no matter what they do! We all make mistakes and go through rough times in our life and things will get better even though it doesn't seem like it right now.

I am glad she is in therapy and hope that she is on an antideppressant, though it can take up to 6 weeks to get the full effectiveness. My only advice is just love her, hold her when she will let you and let het vent when ever she wants. I have also learned sometimes when they vent they don't want advice they just want to know that you love her unconditionally.

I wish I had a magic answer for you. But I don't, just support her and give her love!;)

[JAVISI]

Dear Silent woman,
I am so sorry to hear that your daughter is having such a hard time. Sometimes it seems like when it rains it pours on some people. And unfortunatly we don't know why. God says that we are made stronger at our weakest times.

I know that is not comforting to you. I can understand what you are going through. I have 3 kids,23, 21, and 20. They are really going through rough times. Still trying to find them selves. I haved cried a river over their problems. I have felt guilty like it was my fault for not preparing them for the real world. I loved them and sheltered them yet so many bad things have happened to them. My oldest son is in jail, my daughter is married to a loser who can't seem to get a job. They have a year old baby My oldest has a 3 year old and my youngest has experimented in drugs. I think things are okay but I don't know for sure? I am scared for all of them!

When ever I see them I tell them that I love them, I will always be their for them, no matter what they do! We all make mistakes and go through rough times in our life and things will get better even though it doesn't seem like it right now.

I am glad she is in therapy and hope that she is on an antideppressant, though it can take up to 6 weeks to get the full effectiveness. My only advice is just love her, hold her when she will let you and let het vent when ever she wants. I have also learned sometimes when they vent they don't want advice they just want to know that you love her unconditionally.

I wish I had a magic answer for you. But I don't, just support her and give her love!;)

[joy]

hi silentwoman

your daughter has had a lot of things go wrong it seems. so it is sorta understandable that she would fall into the crying trap. i had to grow up fast whether i wanted to or not as my daddy died when i was 20. and it was after a couple of years of my being told it was a tomour, not cancer. i remember the 6 week stays at VA hospital before the final 6 month stay. i did not even have a driver's liscense yet and mother did not drive or work either. so i fast became the breadwinner, like it or not. my mother drew all of $33 a month back in the 60's when this happened. she was 47 and had not had schooling or anything so working was out of the question for her.

so since you love her dearly, just listen and guide her if she asks you. be as patient as you can for awhile until she sorts things out for herself. you are a good caring mother and it shows in your post. my mother and i became so close after daddy died and i treasure the years we had together after we were alone without daddy.

i don't have any advice that will help you myself. hubby and i worked so hard at adopting two children so we could have a family. and we did until they both married then it all really went to pot! seems the more we care, the more we get hurt. and it hurts that one is so jealous of what we have had to do to help the other that has health problems. we were invited into their lives as the baby was being born. practially shut out of the others. always something we are not doing right and the son withholds the baby boy. so i have sorta steeled my heart as i won't let him get to us by those means. i would like to add that i have health problems that has worsened and it is easier to take care of a 7 year old verses a young child still in diapers. my hands are very numb so it is difficult for me to do many things like dressing, changin diapers and tieing shoe string on the grandson. i also cannot stand up for any length of time and the older child can ride bicycles and such with me just sitting and watching. oh yes, the younger one has riding toys as well but son is critical of how i do things there as well.

but something javsis said about listening worked very well with my daughter. she would often say that she just wanted me to listen. But Lord, i have listened at times until i have thought it would drive me crazy with what all i was hearing she has to put up with. and cannot escape the marraige because she knows her daughter will be exposed to a worse situation without her in the picture. so she stays married. i don't think i could put up with what she does. it is certainly hard being a parent and it shouldn't be that way. sorry i was of not help but will gladly listen to any or al that you might want to discuss. i find sometime to just write it out here and try to let it go is as good a thing i can do for myself, and my husband. that way he does not have to listen to the anguish in my heart if i share with strangers. he is rather the silent type when it comes to these matters so it is the only way i have of releasing my troubles, here on these forums.

my my, you came for help and found out a lot of people are floundering around looking for the same thing. so at least we can share. keep us informed. i have found this place very valuable and made many friends that i count on for daily support sometimes. i am just about housebound some days so the computer connects me with people. i miss being around friends so much but at least i can visit on the internet still and count my internet friend amoung my best of friends now.

[Tootsie]

It sounds as if your daughter has always had some kind of difficulty in coping with life, if she has been on medications from time to time for depression and emotional problems. That may be inherent in her physiology, and not anything that you can help with, directly.

You might encourage her to take just one step at a time. She was starting a new job, moving away from home and then having the break up with a boyfriend also, is a lot for anyone to deal with ! Even those with no history of highly emotional reactions, would have some depression over so many negative changes all at once.

I think anything you do along the lines of support and encouragement would be helpful. Arrange to meet her for lunch, mention a review of a book you read, that she might enjoy, bring her a small bouquet of flowers from your or a neighbors garden, etc.

I would be careful, not to become overly involved, to the extent that she could then expect you to resolve her difficulties for her. That is why she has doctors to prescribe medication. Cheerio.