Cry Tears
04-18-2007, 05:55 AM
I know this is a "victims" typical feeling...always waiting for the other shoe to drop....or kind of like impending gloom and doom!
But I just can't help it latley...I keep feeling like something bad is about to happen to me or my family...or perhaps another terrorist attack on our US soil...gosh...we don't need another hit!
Maybe big earthquake coming...we had a huge one spring break in 95' that scared the petuneas out of anyone living in the NW.
But I can't help but feel this isn't over yet and we've not even seen the half of it yet.
I can't help but worry...gosh we're at war right now...things are not good, there is no peace and safety like they'd have us lulled into feeling just because we're not blasting this 24/7 over the airwaves right now.
Maybe its just from having come from a disfunctional family, where we were always on the move...one day ahead of the landlord...or just old stinkin thinkin popping its ugly head.
Its an awful feeling having this looming over my head like it has been these last few days....I feel like I'm about ready to go freak out somewhere!
I need a good cry! Or something like that...but I can't cry anymore.
When Madi was taken away a few years back....I cried rivers of tears.
I thought I'd NEVER stop crying....for 9 months it was every moment flilled with stress and missing her sooo bad.
I worried myself sick wondering if she was OK or if I'd ever see her again...then finally the rotten grandmothers true colors came flying thru...she was put in jail and the police swooped little Madi up and brought her back home all in an hours time!
ITs been 4 years since the police took her out of my arms and put her in harms way with the other "grandmother"...they refused to listen to reason, refused to do a background check on her...had they done so they would have learned she was NOT who she said she was....isn't 100's of old scared and some infected tract marks up and down both arms enough to spell out IV drug users? Well...DUH!
Little Madi is the one who paid the most...she tells me of the bedtime story she got each night...much different than the ones she got in our home.
She said it went like this every nite at 8PM even in summer:
"its 8 o clock...git yir hash (different word here) in bed or I'll beat you!" NOW you little....blank blank....and often was told...
"You need a good hash whoppin" as she got a kick in the behind.
Her long locks were shaved like she was in the military!
That initself was heartbreak enough....but hearing my little one tell the horror stories this other "woman" did to little Madi....and the police did all this!
We have very good cause for a hefty law suit...but it would only bring unrest into our home once again...we don't want that, ever!
They continued to refuse to listen to me until recently.
They know now what a huge mistake they made but...now its too late...the damage is done...but the other "grandma" will NEVER see those kids ever again....my daughter in law makes sure of this, has a restraining order against her...but like I said...its way too late, the damage was done....all by her! She thought she could trick us all, that she would gain custody of madi and her older brother....ha!
They threw the BD card she sent last year in the trash...hope there wasn't a $5 bill in it!
Hey...big spender! You coulda got a new crack pipe with that kinda big do ya sent!
She won't go back where she came from cuz Texas doesn't mess around with crooks! Too bad Oregon ***** foots around them! Judge Low, lets em go!
Probably see's her outside his courtroom for a "go around"!
Or like that hrrid judge that was on the news recently...he had a penile pump he played with during court proceddings....everyone kept hearing this odd noise...then they caught him hands down what he was doing under that robe with a room full of people! And he's still in office!:eek: Making decisons on peoples lives!?!?! OMG! Where is Justice when you need him?
Anyway...it was spring time when they took Madi away...maybe thats why I'm feeling this awful " gloom/doom" type feelings.
Even thou I was once one of "Them"...I'll NEVER trust another cop in my life, and if I need to report harm being done to a child...I'll just take matters into my own hands....justice will be done then, thats for sure.
To make matters worse, my husband keeps having chest pains, but Dr's arent offering real help.
And Satin dog keeps chewing her sore foot, licking herself, snorting and making noise all night long...keeps moving the door in the room where she's kept at night...Maybe I need to put her in the kennel downstairs, but I hate doing this now she 's only dog in the home now,
Anyway...thanks for reading this....I'm so tired and its sooo late, but I reall wanted to post these feelings for some time now even at the risk of sounding over the edge...but hey...this IS braintalk after all isn't it? LoL!...cheryl
But I just can't help it latley...I keep feeling like something bad is about to happen to me or my family...or perhaps another terrorist attack on our US soil...gosh...we don't need another hit!
Maybe big earthquake coming...we had a huge one spring break in 95' that scared the petuneas out of anyone living in the NW.
But I can't help but feel this isn't over yet and we've not even seen the half of it yet.
I can't help but worry...gosh we're at war right now...things are not good, there is no peace and safety like they'd have us lulled into feeling just because we're not blasting this 24/7 over the airwaves right now.
Maybe its just from having come from a disfunctional family, where we were always on the move...one day ahead of the landlord...or just old stinkin thinkin popping its ugly head.
Its an awful feeling having this looming over my head like it has been these last few days....I feel like I'm about ready to go freak out somewhere!
I need a good cry! Or something like that...but I can't cry anymore.
When Madi was taken away a few years back....I cried rivers of tears.
I thought I'd NEVER stop crying....for 9 months it was every moment flilled with stress and missing her sooo bad.
I worried myself sick wondering if she was OK or if I'd ever see her again...then finally the rotten grandmothers true colors came flying thru...she was put in jail and the police swooped little Madi up and brought her back home all in an hours time!
ITs been 4 years since the police took her out of my arms and put her in harms way with the other "grandmother"...they refused to listen to reason, refused to do a background check on her...had they done so they would have learned she was NOT who she said she was....isn't 100's of old scared and some infected tract marks up and down both arms enough to spell out IV drug users? Well...DUH!
Little Madi is the one who paid the most...she tells me of the bedtime story she got each night...much different than the ones she got in our home.
She said it went like this every nite at 8PM even in summer:
"its 8 o clock...git yir hash (different word here) in bed or I'll beat you!" NOW you little....blank blank....and often was told...
"You need a good hash whoppin" as she got a kick in the behind.
Her long locks were shaved like she was in the military!
That initself was heartbreak enough....but hearing my little one tell the horror stories this other "woman" did to little Madi....and the police did all this!
We have very good cause for a hefty law suit...but it would only bring unrest into our home once again...we don't want that, ever!
They continued to refuse to listen to me until recently.
They know now what a huge mistake they made but...now its too late...the damage is done...but the other "grandma" will NEVER see those kids ever again....my daughter in law makes sure of this, has a restraining order against her...but like I said...its way too late, the damage was done....all by her! She thought she could trick us all, that she would gain custody of madi and her older brother....ha!
They threw the BD card she sent last year in the trash...hope there wasn't a $5 bill in it!
Hey...big spender! You coulda got a new crack pipe with that kinda big do ya sent!
She won't go back where she came from cuz Texas doesn't mess around with crooks! Too bad Oregon ***** foots around them! Judge Low, lets em go!
Probably see's her outside his courtroom for a "go around"!
Or like that hrrid judge that was on the news recently...he had a penile pump he played with during court proceddings....everyone kept hearing this odd noise...then they caught him hands down what he was doing under that robe with a room full of people! And he's still in office!:eek: Making decisons on peoples lives!?!?! OMG! Where is Justice when you need him?
Anyway...it was spring time when they took Madi away...maybe thats why I'm feeling this awful " gloom/doom" type feelings.
Even thou I was once one of "Them"...I'll NEVER trust another cop in my life, and if I need to report harm being done to a child...I'll just take matters into my own hands....justice will be done then, thats for sure.
To make matters worse, my husband keeps having chest pains, but Dr's arent offering real help.
And Satin dog keeps chewing her sore foot, licking herself, snorting and making noise all night long...keeps moving the door in the room where she's kept at night...Maybe I need to put her in the kennel downstairs, but I hate doing this now she 's only dog in the home now,
Anyway...thanks for reading this....I'm so tired and its sooo late, but I reall wanted to post these feelings for some time now even at the risk of sounding over the edge...but hey...this IS braintalk after all isn't it? LoL!...cheryl