I'm at a loss, I'm stunned and sad . . .

[always-aching]

I was going to post this on the alcohol forum but it doesn't appear to be visited that often.

Where to begin. Last night my fiance and I came home from the theatre. My brother, who is a recovering alcoholic is staying with me and has been for just over a year and a half. When I came into the house, the stereo was blaring from his room. I thought it was odd and didn't say anything. A few minutes later, he realized I was home and immediately turned the stereo down. It was late so my fiance went into the bedroom and was changing. I was in the kitchen cutting up some fruit and my brother came out into the kitchen to talk. I have two dogs and he brought one of them out with him. My brother took a strawberry from the bowl and took a bite out of it and proceeded to feed the remainder to my little dog. This is so out of character for him because he never eats fruit.

A little while later my fiance came into the kitchen and my brother was just acting weird. He was really talkative and laughing, goosing me and my fiance. My first thought was that he was acting a little bit drunk and I just kind of shrugged it off. My brother continued to eat a couple more pieces of fruit and finally went back into the bedroom.

My fiance and I went to bed and that was the end of the evening. Well, this morning I get up to feed my dogs and let them out for a potty break. I always wait at the door when I let my dogs out. I was standing at the side door when I happened to notice two beer cans hidden behind the garbage can. My heart sank into the bottom of my stomach because I know they were my brother's beer cans.

I took my brother in in November, 2005 because he would have been homeless if I had not. He had no where to go and essentially I am the only family he has. We have another brother who refuses to have anything to do with him. When I took him in I made it perfectly clear to him that I would not tolerate any drinking and if I ever found out he was drinking, I would kick him out of my home in heart beat.

All of my brother's troubles are the result of his drinking. I like having him live with me because I never have to worry about my dogs. I am in the process of getting him declared disabled cause he really is. He has chronic emphyasema, seizures, can't hear, has problems with memory and overall, he's really not a healthy person. He barely has an eighth grade education and given his history, no one will take a chance and hire him.

He's still sleeping and I'm sitting in my recliner wondering how I am going to handle this. I'm sickened over finding the beer cans. I don't know what would have caused him to fall off the wagon. It's kind of ironic, yesterday we were talking and he indicated that he's lived in some rough neighborhoods and he's glad to be out of them. He recognizes that he has a warm, safe place to stay and appears to be appreciative of what he has. I just don't know what he was thinking and why he decided to suddenly take a drink after nearly three years of being sober.

Last night when I came home I knew deep inside with his behavior something was off balance. I just knew it and now this. Why on earth would he risk being thrown out of my house? What was he thinking? I know I'll never have answers to why he did what he did. I just want to scream.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I know what I have to do and I just hate the position he has placed me in.

[Tootsie]

I am so sorry to hear that you have encountered this burden. However, it seems that you have educated yourself about this disease of alcoholism and know that if you do not follow through, you will become the enabler. Have you been to Al-Anon? Perhaps, if you have not, that is the best place for you to receive the supportive care that YOU need, now. Even if you have been there, you now need their help in following through in order to protect your brother from further deterioration.

Are there any sheltered workshops in your area? Something like a Goodwill program that would give him a job, train him, and supervise his work? He may be able to work as a janitor, in a nursing home, hospital, etc. I have a distant relative who is learning disabled, reads, follows sports, but cannot make an independent decision, and therefore cannot drive. All his tasks have to be written out on a list, at work.

Your brother may be bored or just depressed over his lack of activity and purpose. Cheerio.

[Buttons2]

Well I don't envy you the day ahead.....I assume you want/need to know why he did this. Did someone visit him while you were out & bring the beer or did he go out & buy it?

You didn't mention if he's been going to AA,if he's active there he has a sponsor right? If this is the case I'd contact the sponsor if that is possible. If he has not gone then maybe you could offer to take him to a meeting & someone there would give him a ride home. He can't do this alone. He fell off the wagon & will be filled with guilt today,he may have thought he was OK & now finds that the alcohol has him yet again. With his guilt he will either feel deep remorse & beg for another chance-or he will get defensive & blame someone else (maybe even YOU).

You realize if you give him another chance you will be on egg shells everyday wondering if he's drinking or not,he's destroyed your trust & belief in him. You've been enabling since the day you let him move in. I'm just stating the hard facts,please don't take this as any form of meaness on my part. I speak from experience.

You feel you gave him his chance & he blew it,so now he's put you in the horrid position of being the one to kick him out. Only you can make this decision of course, but I agree with Tootsie,seek help for yourself on this one. Post on the alcohol forum & see what happens,sometimes people check there & see no recent activity & move on, but on the other hand you could start a thread & get replies. I used to be active on the old forum,it's not that the alcoholics in my life have gotten sober-I just try to limit my conversations with them for my own sanity these days! Many people on BT understand & will try to be supportive.

Please keep us informed, we care about your situation. It might be time to let go.....what's the saying? "let go & let God"?

You take care & be strong,Buttons