Just everything wrong

[Unknown]

:mad: :o :mad: I feel so aggravated. It just seems like everything is wrong. Nothing seems right. I get so angry. I wake up at 2 a.m. and start arguing with people who are not there because I´m so angry. I live alone, which is why I guess I can do this. I call them names (the people that are not there), cuss them out, hate them, throw things and break things. I imagine I´m killing them or beating the %$&"·* out of them. I hate when I get like this and yet it´s just something that´s there that never seems to go away. I´m 45. I hate when I get this way and once I start it seems to take a long time to go away. I don´t like to live with others because I get so mad and have to hide these feelings when others are around. It´s so expensive to be this way because I break so many things, cell phone, mirrors, computer mouses, etc. And it´s a cycle because then I hate myself for doing it and get angry again and forget about the things I broke. It´s like I never learn. The only thing I can say is that I have M.S. but I don´t feel like it´s the M.S. although I will never really know. But I´ve been angry since I was a kid. It´s so awful. It shows up when I least expect it sometimes. I need help and don´t know how to get it.:o

[Buttons2]

Hi unknown & welcome to the BT site. We have an active forum for MS, you might want to introduce yourself there & get connected with ohter people dealing with MS.

Anger can be caused by any condition that takes away our independence,keeps us in constant pain, forces lifestyle changes,and makes us more islolated from others'.

Have you ever discussed this with your doctor?

Also, I suggest you google MS & Lyme disease. They share many symptoms. People with Lyme have experienced "Lyme rages", this is a very real symptom that can be alarming. What I'm saying is that perhaps you have Lyme (with or without MS), and it's pssible you could have contacted it as a child!

If you are a female & mid forties, you might consider getting a very thorough hormone test done. Hormones play a huge role in our life,regulate every aspect of it in fact. If one thing is wacky-it can throw everything off.

Another thought is you have supressed rage from your childhood. Perhaps you were molested like so many of us were. The rage stays inside & might not be something you even remember happening.

Are you on meds of any kind?

You deserve to get a good night's sleep if nothing else, please keep seeking answers! You're in a cycle of rage attacks, breaking things & then feeling guilty. Need to find the cause of all this!

Good luck,Buttons

P.S. Any chance you are diabetic? Or hypogyclemic?(sp)? Low blood sugar can cause sudden rage!

[JAVISI]

Unknown,
It is alright to be angry. I think most of us have these feelings we just deal with them in different ways. I don't have the answers that you need. You are only hurting your self by breaking things and exploding.

I too hold things in. I never hurt others or at least I try not to! I hurt myself. It is safer. When I was younger I used to hurt myself physically. I haven't done that in awhile. No I am not crazy, I am just sad and have so maNY PENT UP FEELINGS AND i DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THEM.

I have started writing poems, it helps but it really helps when I vent on this site people here seem to understand my feelings and give me good advice and when they have no answers they let me know that they care!

I hope you can find another way to vent! I hope you find peace with in yourself!;)

[Mott]

Hi Unknown,

You have to get in touch with yourself, find out what is causing you all this anger and rage, own it, and learn to let it go. It's eating you up and going to make you physically sicker than you already are. I know that's not an easy thing to do, but if you don't something bad is going to happen. You can't change anyone else, don't even try, only yourself hopefully. So try to let it go.

My oldest friend, who I had known since I was 8 years old, set me up to contract the Hepatitis C virus. A potentially fatal disease. He wasn't as smart and he thought and I found about it though. I was so filled with anger and rage that it consumed me. I used to dream about what would happen when I finally caught him. I finally did catch him, but it took me two years to do it and I lived it every minute. When I did catch him I beat him up, but it didn't make me well. I finally had to let all that anger and rage go and it was such a relief when I did. I've seen him since and just walk by like I don't even know him.

Now I don't hate him or anyone else. I still get angry at times just like anybody else, but I don't let it own me. I don't worry about if I'm going to die from the hep and don't take treatments for it. Recent life events aside, which were also beyond my control, I'm pretty much at peace with myself.

Breaking your own things isn't the answer, you already know how expensive it can be, and carrying out arguments in your mind isn't going to solve things with them either. See a therapist and try to get to the bottom of what's causing all this before you end up in jail or dead.

Take care,
Mott

[mik07]

I think consulting a physician might help especially since you have this feeling since a kid. Go and see a doctor.

________________
mik07
Drug Treatment Programs (http://www.addictionsearch.com) --Have more information on drug treatment programs

[Cry Tears]

Have you ever considered food allergies as well as other factors that is causing you to have these fits of rage?
I know how anger turned inwards makes rage.
Being molested as a small child will cause extreme inner rage.
Perhaps you were molested pre verbal had no way of telling what terrible things were happening to you.
I've read when this happens it produces this type rage and anger, hatred, self esteme issues and a lot of what you're describing.
Maybe you weren't able to verbalize your pain and now able to...but can't rage at the offender because you don't know who they are.
Just a thought.
What IS clear is you are in desperate need of some good help both physically and mentally.
I'm not saying you have mental illness....but what I'm stressing here is your need to find a solution to these fits of rage...its hurting you and no one else. The person needing raged on isn't around.
Its lowering your immune system, so this behavior needs to stop if you want to stop the damage being done to your body.
Next time you feel like raging or have fits of anger, log onto BT and write to any of us here....we're here to help eachother, not to be judgemental or finger point...but here to support and allow eachother to vent, ask questions and get help!
I agree with others who have suggested to find the reasons behind this,and research the causes as it may be some underlying medical condition that has yet to be diagnosed.
I do wish you well....and pray you find inner-peace where these rages no longer plague you.
Blessings, cheryl