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View Full Version : I am so messed up ***TRIGGER***


mags
10-13-2006, 12:09 PM
I am so ****ing depressed. One of the first things I did this morning was bawl my eyes out. I'm bawling right now. Sobbing like a hurt and scared little girl. I know no one is going to come and rescue me. That is just a fairy tale I have been telling myself for years. I know I need to save myself. I can't. I don't have the ability. I Just wish this was all over. I want to quit life so bad. My whole family is unhappy. My husband is never happy with anyone or anything. I can't take his negativity anymore. I want to break away from him, but I am so weak, and I still love him. I always will. I feel like he doesn't love me anymore, and he is just sticking around out of a sense of obligation. If that's the truth, I wish he would just leave. He never will though. He doesn't connect with his sons or me on any deep level. He wasn't always like this though, he used to be such a great husband/father. I poured my heart out to him, telling him I am SO overwhelmed with life, and my 3 year old son and my 17 year old son as well. His response was that he is overwhelmed with work, and he feels like a huge weight is on his shoulders, that just keeps getting heavier every day.

My husband, my 17 year old, and myself got into a huge blow out last night which kept me up all night tossing and turning. Many horrible things were said by all parties. My family is falling apart.

My middle son is my angel. I am closest to him, because he is so very sweet and kind and gentle (and quiet). He's a very good boy. He gets picked on at school a lot though, because he is very timid. I wish he knew what an awesome person he is, but he doesn't realize that, even though I tell him all the time. He has low self esteem, and I can't stand it. I was teased, had/have low self esteem and I know how much it hurts.

My eldest son is having a very hard time right now. He thinks his father doesn't love him, and I can't get my husband to have a heart to heart talk with him. My son needs to know he is loved, every person on this earth needs to know that. I lash out at him a lot because we butt heads a lot. He is so much like me, and I hate that. I don't want my children to be like me. I love him, as well as my other boys more than anything in this world, and yet I yell at them, and lose my temper, sometimes saying things I really regret later. My life is full of regrets, and lots if onlys...I am afraid I am ruining my children, simply by being their mother.

My youngest, who is 3, NEVER stops moving, yelling, climbing, jumping, sometimes hitting. He climbs the wall, literally. I'll post a pic of that if I get the energy. He fights me on everything. He never listens to anything I tell him to do. If I ask him to repeat something he said, because I couldn't hear or understand him, he gets quieter, just to bug the crap out of me. I have hearing loss, and no one one around me ever takes that into consideration. (I am deaf in my right ear.) He is such an angry little boy (but can be very loving too.) If I say to him, "I love you so much.", he says, "Yeah, and I love Grandma." :( (Presumably because I suck.)

I am failing at life. I just don't think I was meant to be here, like it was some kind of mistake, and I should have been put in the reject pile. I don't identify or connect with anyone. I am so lonely and empty. I have a gaping black hole inside me, and whatever I try to fill it with will never be enough. I want so badly to run away, but I have nowhere to run to. I don't know who I am. I feel like I never knew who I was, and that maybe I don't exist at all. It's like my personality never developed, or what little of it there was, went away, once I trapped myself in this marriage/family. (I know that sounds bad.)

So how does someone with no personality, or life experience outside a very limited small world, make her own way in life? I don't think it's possible. I was never given ANY guidance, encouragement, love, and support as a child. Nobody ever said to me that I had potential, that I could have been or done anything I set my mind to. Instead it was emotional and sexual abuse, and neglect. I was hurt so many times as a child, that I don't trust anyone. I rarely ever leave my house, not because I love it here, but I can't face the world. When I do go out, I can't make eye contact with anyone, and stare at the floor.

I don't have anyone to talk to, except maybe my therapist, but I don't even know if I have him, because I caught him closing his eyes (to rest them) while I was talking about something I felt was important. I asked him if I was putting him to sleep, and he rambled something off about allergy medication. Whatever. I hate my new pdoc's office. She is really nice, but she is ALWAYS at least 2 hours behind schedule, and she's the only pdoc in my area that my insurance will cover. Her office staff is the absolute worst I've ever seen, and I have seen a lot.

Sorry for such a long post. I just needed to talk. I might delete this. I have to go check on my 3 year old to see what he is doing/destroying now. *sigh*

I can't take this anymore. :(

Mari
10-13-2006, 01:29 PM
Hi Mags,
I can't stay long.
I'll be back after my tdoc appointment.
It's ok by the way if tdocs fall asleep once in a whiile. I had one who did that often but he was the greatest therapist in the world so I let it go.

I'm sorry that you and hubby are not connecting right now.
Take it easy on yourself. Do what you can today and don't worry about what you can't.
You have an overwhelming job to take care of three kids, yourself, and your husband. It IS hard. So don't beat yourself up for having difficulties.
Maybe you can tell yourself that you have done a good job.
Mari

mags
10-13-2006, 10:26 PM
Thank you Mari, I really appreciate your response.

Lin145
10-13-2006, 10:28 PM
How are you feeling today? I hope that you do not feel as low emotionally anymore.

I totally agree with Mari that it IS hard for you to manage everything. And, as far as I can read, how well did you do at marrying and raising a family... especially as you do not seem to have known all the warmth that you are giving (or, because, no one always can, I suppose, in times of stress) or want to give to your family. Well done!!!

Do you reckon your husband will be able to get into therapy as well, or into family therapy? If situations get too much for you, maybe you can step out of them emotionally, so you do not get dragged into them as much? Just some suggestions that I learned at a clinic... it helped me :o) ...

Try to talk to someone (maybe even your husband?) or even to a wall (it works, apparently... pets would be nicer though ;-) ) about what is your biggest problem during the day or what you have been worried about at first in the morning. Try talking about it for five minutes and then describe an object in as much detail as possible for five minutes. The other person can start about what her problem is. Repeat this five times, even if it can get quite boring :o) ... but, you will see, how you are feeling about it will get better and just for the moment, it will help you get out of the situation. Also feel your feet on the ground, so you can trust in the Earth that is carrying you. It takes your mind off things and you will hopefully feel more secure.

Hope you are doing better and better today... please let us know how you are when you feel like it...

Take care,

Linda

bizi
10-13-2006, 11:10 PM
Dear Mags,
Just wanted to respond to you in some small way.
You are carrying a lot of responsibilty on your plate.
This sounds very stressful.
Mags...can you remember doing something that brings you a smile.
Is there anyone in your family that could help with child care for you and your hubby to possibly get a break...go out on a date...reconnect?
wait a minute...the 17 year old can watch the others?????
A three year old with endles energy makes me tired jsut thinking about it...I have never had any children so I really don't know what you are going thru....I can only guess.
Unfortunatly ...Parenting comes without an instruction manual....
I wish there was a way for you to have a nurturing environment...sounds like growing up was awaful for you.
Just wanted to try to support you....
((((HUGS))))
bizi
fall down 7 times get up 8

empathy
10-13-2006, 11:37 PM
mags,

You mention lacking "life experience".

Well, if you're well read, that's a pretty darn good substitute.

empathy

artist
10-14-2006, 12:07 AM
It sounds like both you and your husband are feeling overwhelmed. Maybe he is even depressed, also, although he might not recognize it. It does seem like it would be good to get everyone together with a counselor or therapist. Maybe your therapist could recommend someone. I know it's hard to get other people to go, but it might be worth a try.
There's nothing "wrong" with you, you're in a difficult situation and just doing the best you can. That's all anyone can do. It's not a failure, it's just the way life is. Try not to judge yourself. You say you hate that your son is like you........
I'm sure you are both good people.
Sometimes it helps to let God do for you what you can't do for yourself. :o

bizi
10-14-2006, 02:34 AM
sleep well tonight mags.
Hang in there...things will get better.
I can't rmember what anti depressant that you take right now...it definately does not sound like it is working....
what meds are you taking these days?...PM if you don't want to post.
(((HUGS))))
bizi

mags
10-14-2006, 03:09 AM
Thank you everyone, so very much. I would love to respond to each of you individually, but I don't have the mental energy. :( I really appreciate all your thoughts though.

bizi,

I am taking Lamictal, Xanax, Neurontin...and I'm supposed to be taking Trazodone for sleep but I keep forgetting to get it refilled. My mind is off in the clouds somewhere. I'm lucky if I remember to take my meds. I am still titrating the Lamictal, I'm at 175 mg. now.

I think part of the reason I have been so angry and emotional is because I started therapy with a new therapist. I've been through therapy a few other times, and it's really hard digging things up again. But, this time it seems different. I have had some flashbacks of stuff that happened when I was little, stuff I had totally blocked out. On a positive note, my new therapist thinks I can get better, he has confidence in me. I still find it hard to believe that I may be able to put all this behind me, and actually live a normal life. He doesn't believe that I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and he pretty much thinks that BPD is a bunk Dx, as many professionals do. He said that I may not even be BP. But, he is not ready to say for sure. I know that he thinks that bipolar is over-diagnosed, and he prefers the term manic-depression, as it really describes the illness in better terms. But, I digress.

He made a hypnosis tape with me, for relaxation, but I never get a chance to use it. He said to listen to it at least twice a day, and I just can't do it...it's too chaotic around here, there's no way I can relax.

Well, I rambled on I guess. This was going to be a simple thank you post. :rolleyes:

mags

P.S. Thanks for listening guys! {{{HUGS}}}

Mari
10-14-2006, 04:10 AM
Dear Mags,

I used to listen to a hypnosis cd just when I got in bed to sleep. It helped me relax for sleep. After a while I started falling asleep after 5-10 mninutes and didn't really listen to the whole tape. That was before I got married.

Your new therapist sounds good. ...from what you say anyway. You seem to be saying that the therapy is hard but that you like the therapist.
....Interesting about what he says about dx'ing.

I wish that you could find some ways to relax in the day time. I guess that that is what your therapist is saying too.
Can you find 10 minutes here and there? 10 minutes to listen to the tape or music? Or just close your eyes and listen to your own breathing?

Keep posting about what is going on.
It helps to talk.
Mari

mags
10-14-2006, 05:14 AM
Thanks Mari,

Yes, therapy is very hard, and I do really like my new therapist. I have been facing a lot of difficult stuff from my past, which is making me so crazy! He has been at this for awhile, and I believe he knows what he's doing though. He believes that in many cases, saddling someone with a diagnosis such as bipolar or borderline takes away the hope for getting better. They tell you that you have this illness that you will probably never get rid of, and that you have to take these medications for the rest of your life. They rob people of hope.

That is not to say that people shouldn't take medications, obviously people should take their meds as prescribed. I'm still taking my meds, and I am going to stay on them for awhile, do therapy for awhile, and then decide if I can go off my meds. (Probably not until I make it through the winter though.)

waves
10-15-2006, 10:03 PM
dear Mags,

i'm glad to see you again, wish you were feeling better. i can so relate to the black hole thing, in your first post. the helplessness the notion of being a mistake i have had a lot of that in recent times, and tho i feel better, i am still struggling. i share your pain. we have to hang on.

things sound good with the new therapist. i hope you have some brighter days come your way soon. Do what it takes to get your "timeouts" - we all need them just as food and air.

hang in there. i am popping in less often than i'd like for the moment - until i get broadband again - coz i just moved. but i am here.

big warm fuzzy hugs

~ waves ~ from across the ocean