Do Not Cry In Front of The Pain Doc! Why?

[GJZH]

I started to read this board right before the crash and I think someone or some of you stated that you should never cry to the pain management doctor...Why?

[Diandra]

Hi,
There are many opinions that are generated on this board and that is all they are, opinions. There have been several times I have cried in front of my pain doctor....sometimes the pain and frustration get overwhelming and you can't help it. I don't know who said not to cry but, perhaps their doctor re-acted in a negative way to it or thought that person was being manipulative...I don't know. Personally, I think just being honest and up front with your doctor and developing a good relationship is what is best....if you should cry from time to time, so be it, that is how you were feeling at the time.

I am sorry for what you are going through. You have come to the right place for support and information.

Take care,
Diandra

[hummer]

I don't know why someone said that, either.....

Sometimes I look at my doctor and say....."I'm going to cry, hold my hand."...and he does....I have said that to many health care individuals....no one has ever refused to hold my hand.......

I had one doctor, that upon our first meeting, when he shook hands with me at introduction....I started crying....and he held my hand and talked with me for an hour and a half.......I was crying the whole time.....not my favorite visit.....might not have been his, either....but he is the best Doctor I have ever had......

Blessings to you.......
Hummer

[aggscott]

I have to say that I to have cried in front of my doctor. You are in so much pain and you get upset. Crying is an human emotion, it can not be held back when your in pain so why hold it back in front of the one person that should understand why your feeling this way?

So far I have not had any doctor react in a bad way, and I hope it would never happen. I do not know if I can see and trust a person that can not handle someone crying when things are bad and your in pain.

Aggie

[NevadaNan]

I have cried in front of my pain doctor and she, at one time, cried with me. She knows what severe pain is like and I think that it has made our relationship more open so I'm likely to tell her everything instead of being embarrassed.

I have also cried in front of my neurologist, a very cold person. When I asked for copies of my records from her, I was surprised when I found that she noted my crying in a negative way, making it sound like all my problems were psychological. One of the things I was upset about was my fibro and since she doesn't believe in fibro, it was a short meeting. So maybe crying in front of doctor(s) opens the door to negative statements on your medical records.

Comments from anyone else???

NevadaNan aka nancyh

[Mcdom57]

I had a horrible write up about my "crying" - as well as how I was standing. It happened in June and I am still to fumed to go back to this idiot.

I just suffer and get what I can to help with the pain.

Dom

[Boopers]

I have also cried in front of my pain doc. He was very sympathetic and it helped as he, too, knew first hand about my pain. I see him every three months and each time he listens to my complaints about the pain and has done a wonderful job in trying to prescribe meds to ease my pain. I think it is a very individual thing. Each doc will react differently.
Linda

[janie]

It depends on the doc.

Most will interpret it [crying] as a sign of depression, not a reaction to severe pain. The end. It will be written down in the notes from that visit, with perhaps a referral to a shrink or rx for prozac. It is especially damning for women, and even worse for men (remember, men are supposed to be stoic in their suffering).

Other docs will simply put up their wall (distancing); some will quickly end the visit, excusing themselves to go write the scripts or take an important call from the president.:D

The rare few will understand that a human being can only take so much, and that for some, just getting to the appt. is an endeavor (especially if they are alone and have physical problems worsened by sitting, turning one's head/neck, using their arms, etc).

Any patient should understand that any emotional display will more than likely be viewed as negative and if the doc is, for example, an examiner for the other side, this emotionalism can be used to substantiate any number of pyschosomatic foundations for whatever condition is at issue.

Is any of this fair? Don't think so. I personally have had more success being the "stoic patient" than the one who displays their pain/frustration openly. Think of it as "sucking it up" while at an athletic event; you get in, get your issues across as quickly as possible, and then, when the doc leaves the room, you can let down your guard.

Of course, this is only my experience, and it may differ from others. Just sharing.

[debtoo]

I will admit that I did break down and cry in front of my otho. dr./surgeon the last time I saw him. I have never cried in front of a dr. before ever. I really just booo-hoooed to the fullest. LOL

I had to wait three weeks for the appt. I was told prior to the visit that He could give me a cortisone shot in my hip joints, but he would decide if I would recieve the shots.

Well dr. did x-rays and came in the examination room to inform me that he could not give me the cortisone shots because there was not enough space between the joints to even fit the needle in.

I had been waiting three weeks for the relief I believed these shots would give me and now it wasn't an option.

I think I sorta caught him off guard. He did offer an alternative treatment, but that's going to be major surgery.

I feel that some drs. see crying and being emotional as a bad thing. Seem to try to think the patient has a pyschological problem which they try to say is the cause of the pain. some drs. really see crying as very negative which is so unfair.

Deborah

[cindybear]

Once I was my Neurologist and I was telling him about my increased dizziness, increased confusion, fogetfullness...Etccc..And he looked at what I was taking and said your taking to many narcotics.....Right then and there...I just started to cry....Tears flying...I couldn't control them.....I couldn't even speak...He looks at hubby and says, Whats wrong with her ! He tells the Doc, That I have a full plate etc....And the Doc says well, We will get a MRI but I really think we should re-evaluate her drugs,,,,The next week, we went back to him and he just kept looking at these papers then at us , then the papers....( I;m thinking --What is going on,,,) Then he just blurted out...You have a problem, You need a surgery consult, Your aneurysm has growed...Now, I didn't cry (not until I got into the car with hubby ) But I think he thought I was going to loose it..But he never ever mentioned my use of drugs ever again....But the fear of that doc taking away my only source of relief...I just lost it....I think that was about the only time I can remember..HUgs, Cindy

[krashleen]

Its been two different things for me..one physiatrist(sp?) that fired me when I wasn't a success case to chalk for statistics.

My PM doc and the PA that I have had for three years is wonderful..I think they get overwhelmed too though..

Once I was supposed to have just a check back appt, and they had scheduled me for injections(never worked, cause that wasn't the problem)and I just freaked out and starting crying saying that I didn't want any more needles cause they just hurt. My PM doc said thats alright you don't have to have an injection..but we have a good relationship. I dunno..if you know the doc and they are compassionate, well I don't think its wrong at all.

I have had surgery for my chiari, with extraction fusion c1-4, duraplasty, so they know that there are lots of problems. Its been six months now and I am still not where I want to be pain wise.

I have only run into maybe 4 docs that didn't understand me and my pain. Now I know how to act when they are not compassionate. I walk as quickly out of their offices, and find another that will listen and understand.

[maridane]

I once spoke with my primary doctor about obtaining my records and that I hated to put anyone out. He told me like this. "Marilyn those are your records. We are nothing more than the custodian of those records, they belong to you, always have and always will and anytime you need a copy all you need to do is ask and it will be done. Not only here but at other doctors offices as well. Some may charge a small price if there is a lot to obtain, if only a few pages it is generally free so feel free to ask us, your pain doc, your NS and Neurologist, any doc who has medical records on you."

Ok, so never ever let them get away with treating you like you have no right to a copy of them. Hope this helps...............


Marilyn

I was wondering too if they write negative comments about you crying ....I asked this office for my records and they made excuses about not giving them to me. They said they were costly and why did I need a copy. I explained that I keep a copy of all of my medical records. This is the only office to balk at copying records for me. I think I am going to insist on a copy of the records now to determine what he wrote about me crying.

[uvamomb]

I would definitely demand a copy of my records and give them a date when you need them (not in the too distant future.) Yu know, I wouldn't want to go to a doctor who had a difficult time with crying. Why would a doctor go into PAIN MANAGEMENT IF CRYING PUT HIM OFF?????

There are so many good docs out there, why waste you time with one if he's going to write something negative down just about crying. The story would be different if they walked a mile in our shoes!

Here's to hoping you get your records, find a good PM doctor (psychiatrists are great pain docs too), and feel better soon,
Kathy

[Sara1979]

I cried in front of my last Pain Doctor when he sd he wasn't going to give me botox shots or b/t meds. This was a fairly new doctor since I had just moved. I had seen him around 3 times and he was fine with my treatment plan until I actually needed treatment and refills. I started crying then and he had absolutely no reaction and basically got up and walked out and had a nurse return with copies of my records. I felt like an arse because I am usually very stoic, even my husband told the Doctor that seeing me cry was a rare thing indeed.

On the other hand, right after that I had to go back to my Primary Care Doctor and started crying because I was so frustrated with the entire situation and he gave me a hug and was really kind to me. He was pretty appalled by the Pain Doctor's behavior.

[sallyb]

Cry in front of the doc? I've done it in front of many...and yet, not all of the time. All I have to say about a doc that says it is a sign of weak character, or wanting attention, or a mental health issue......PPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!:( :mad: :mad: :mad:
I can honestly say that when the pain puts me at the end of my ropes, and I meet head-on with a doc who has had a hard day, my character becomes weak, I need attention, and I am mentally unstable!!! So??? Feels normal to me! Right?

sally

[hermit]

hi,
on subject of crying i think "some" doctors are sinacle person, they think they getting a pain game ran on them for drugs or etc..etc... and until they get to know you they skeptable about every thing you say an do. if you ever get vibes that a doctor feels like that ,best to be upfront an ask them, also be upfront when asking for records or your current status regarding being able to "work" an if they will help you if you applying for disabilty benefits (the truth shall set you free), besides if they wanna "play games" best to find out and find out soon an find differant doctor , and if they wanna write in my chart "patient
asked for honest doctor/patient relationship" fine, ;) lol, let them . all this just my personal opinion ofcourse.
sincerly , hermit

[LKAHMS]

I think all that we go through with CP is bound to cause some emotional behavior and crying at the dr's office as that is where we go w/ hope for relief and answers. Sometimes we cry.
I found the best way to get my Dr's attention to get to the bottom of things was to bring my brother with me and help him speak to the dr on my behalf.
I was very honest with the dr. and told him allot of things including the fact that at times the pain and the life the pain led me to live made me no longer feel like living. I did get an RX for an anti D but to be honest at that point I do think I needed it & gladly took it.
I also got a referral to the surgeon that ultimately was able to DX my back situation over 4 yrs of suffering.
I never cried in front of the surgeon.
By then I was numb emotionally. I think you have to find a dr. that is compassionate and that is the bottom line. It's not impossible but sure can seem that way.
My GP still remembers the day I came in w/ my brother....and the woman I was then (Over 2 yrs ago). We just discussed it at my last visit.

Hope this helps.

As far as your medical records I think you have a right to those at any time and would be very suspicious of someone that won't give them to you.
I know it's easier said than done but it might be time to move on to another dr.

[Diandra]

Just a quick note on obtaining medical records. In CT at least, you have a legal right to your medical records within 30 days and if a doctor refuses you copies, then contact your state attorney general. I had a doctor who bought a practice from my original doctor and I called and wrote him twice for my records and no response. I called my attorney general for assistance, who then called the doctors office to find out what the hold up was and I had the records in one day. Now, in CT anyway, the doctor has a right to charge something like 45cents a copy and this jerk did send a bill with records(I asked for my last 6 months of records and this idiot copied all 14 yrs!). My new doctor said, always ask him to get records from any doctor because he gets them for free and then can give them to me.

My best to all,
Diandra

[Gymnast_Navy_Wife]

This reply has absoloutly nothing to do with with orginal topic, so, I apologize to the orginal poster ahead of time.....

I just wanted to add my .02 cents about medical records. Another idea is try to get a copy of the visit report when your visit is over or as soon as the possible afterwards-- some drs do computer reports during the visit, some doctors, after....

My story: When I first started going to the hospital I currently go to, a few days after I saw my neuro for the first time, I got a letter--enclosing the report of the visit, in the mail. I thought it was a bit odd at first-- as I'd never had that happen before and was kinda perplexed. I discussed this with the nurse the next time I was in the office and she told me it was just something they did......It didn't take me long too realize just how valuable that would be. My doctor usually types his notes & reports while I am in office and prints me out a copy, a long with any lab or x-ray results before I leave, or as soon as possible after--as sometimes it takes a few days for test reports, etc to come; and I can go pick them up. Even though the reports can some times be un nerving-- at least I am able to have the reports as I go along-- making my own medical record, AND can easily spot mistakes or miscommunications and either get them corrected or talk to my doctor about any miscommunications and/or concerns.... Not to mention it really helps to have a copy when I need to explain to others not familiar with things.... So, a really great thing to have....

Anyway...just wanted to share my story on this and what I've found to be useful and hopefully, some one else will too....

:) GNW










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[Lucy]

I have been in extreme pain and cried to my pain management doctor, and he sympathized with me. I believe it was on the first visit. By that time I was in distress at not being able to find a pain management doctor who understood me. I have been going to my current pain management doctor for over a year. I still cry if the medication does not work, and he has finally gotten my dosage at the correct level for me. However, I have cried in front of other pain management doctors when I was searching for one. They had no sympathy for me and essentially told me they could not help me at all and kicked me out of the office. I think it depends on the doctor, his demeanor, and whether or not he/she believes in prescribing narcotic medications. At least in my case.

Lucy

I started to read this board right before the crash and I think someone or some of you stated that you should never cry to the pain management doctor...Why?

[wildpinky]

last nite, i cried infront of my gp, pain doc, four nurses and three of my gp's dogs...my gp has three a shepard and two labs that come with him to his office everyday...i couldnt help but cry and they all were so very understanding and kind...my gp is very worried and so is my pain doc for my pain meds and sleep meds should be helping me and they arent...my gp and pain doc are at a loss and they told me that last nite...

as for medical records, i have copies of everything single test i have ever had and doc visits too...my gp gets the copies from my pain doc and ns for me and then gives me copies of everything...even the hospital where i had all the x-ray's ct scans, mri's, and myelogram's haas given the original films with no problem at all...

i am lucky to have the docs that i do...

[sallyb]

Pinky, I am so touched by what you have told us. It is good to have a good and caring doctor and office personnel. But, I am so concerned that they have not found the right mixture of meds to give you some relief. Makes me want to cry. Actually, the right mixture is still not found for me. I know how frustrated, and how endless it feels. Hang in there. It WILL happen for you.

Your friend, sally

[Linda25]

This is a good discussion - thanks to all who posted

One thing about crying is that it can SCARE some doctors, then they may react to you in a non-professional manner

I try hard NOT to cry, but have with most of my docs at some time. Sometimes they will think that you are just using emotional manipulation for meds -

I'm not saying it's right, just my observations (I also work professionally with doctors in ERs - you would be amazed at some of the things they come up with) There are really good docs and really bad ones, we just have to hope we get a good one, and if you find out your doctor is bad - MOVE on asap, don't stick around hoping you can change his/her opinion - I've tried that and it didn't work for me, it backfired big time.

Linda25

[sallyb]

My Rheum gave me the name of a good and caring GP to go to since I told her I did not like the one I had. I did not give the name of the man I don't like. I cancelled with him, was asked "why?" by his office, and I answered that I am just not comfortable with him. Makes no sense to rock boats. Different strokes for different folks. Then...I called to make an appointment for tomorrow with my new one. Looks as if my doc list is turning around! It pays to take things into your own hands.

sally

[wildpinky]

thanks Sally...i hope your new rheumy can and will be able to help you...ever since i did that crack and pop thing with my ankle, the pain meds havent touched the pain at all...and sleeping, well, nothing helps, even the sleep med i am on now, i lay awake in pain, from the ankle, most of the nite, so i have been getting about 2 hours of sleep per nite...

i cried once before infront of my neurosurgeon who did my first three c-spine surgeries...he took me with him so he could read my mri scans and told me that the discs above and below my original fusion dominoed...i started crying and he put his arms around me and let me cry on his shoulder...

i guess you really have to have a very good relationship with your doc(s)...i know that is why i cried then and last nite...my gp and pain docs and i are very close and i am so comfortable with them...they know that if i am crying then the pain is unbearable...

pinky

[sallyb]

It is so good that that you cry in front of them, and it is good that they handle it correctly. I am glad that you are able to present a clear picture of your pain. I do not remember how you are about God...but, I am going to put you in my prayers. I so hope that you find some rest tonight. When you broke your ankle, you tore some muscles. Muscles repair in deep sleep. You need that rest. Wish I could tell you something to make it better.

Love, sally

[GJZH]

I agree about the docs....I have been trying to find a good RA doc...I have had to go to three docs before finding a keeper...Today, I finally found a doc that did not jump to conclusions...He looked at my medications, tests, and listened to my pain....He then did not just poke at me and say it was Fibro...I tested positive for Rheumatoid arthritis in the summer. I know the number is not high, but it was still a positive number...He said the same thing...It is still a positive reading, so rather than just dump me...He sent me for blood tests...They took nine vials...and he is going to look for everything...He placed me on drugs for RA since he said it is a low positive number, it is still positive so he wants to knock it out right away...He spoke to me for about fifteen minutes before the exam and then did the exam, then spoke to me again and wrote the scripts and explained the side effects, etc...What a nice doc...It pays to just keep looking for the right doc...I was going to give up and just go back to the one I saw two weeks ago, though she was horrid...She ripped my leg up over my head without thinking...I have a fusion from L1 to S1 and I thought she broke something...needless to say I screamed. Sometimes it just takes patience to find the right doc...but they are out there...I am fortunate too that my insurance allows me to have second and third opinions...

[Bluey]

That was an expensive lesson for you, and now it is a free lesson to us.
Thanks for much for telling us this.
:)

[Cry Tears]

Sometimes crying is looked at as a form of manipulation.
Some doctors may only see this as drug seeking behavior....crying so they will feel sorry, then dole out the opiods.
When we go to these appointments its like our lives are on the line. In a way it is...it means whether we're going to get the meds that only help us survive a body wracked with pain....or are we going to get only a minimal amount barely enough to make any difference.
It also depends on the doctor, how many times you've been seen by them and or your diagnosis.
The opiods makes your emotions close to the surface anyway....can cry at the drop of anything when the meds peak in your blood.
When I was given a new Nurse Practitioner within the pain clinic I'd been going to for years I was desperately in need of a medication change.
I was suffering from dire pain.....not only my Fibromyalgia, my Crohns was acting up...documented by CT scans showing inflamed intestines.
When he walked into the room and introduced himself I asked him if he would give me just a few minutes to tell my story. I promised to make it short and wouldn't bring it up in future appointments.

I began by saying "I have uncontrolable pain....I can hardly live with it. I wake up with it...thats if I get any sleep...It causes me to cry at times its too much. My life has been ruined by the medical mistake they made in damaging a nerve during simple gall bladder surgery....I need to have something to ease my pain...as a human being I'm owed at least that much"
I went on by saying that I wasnt making demands in receiving pain meds, but I had no one to turn to but them....and living a life with that much pain is hurting my body....the stress from it causing my blood pressure to shoot sky high. I told him what had worked for me in the past and wanted to go back to the same even tho I knew he is against it.

He said he appretiated what i had to say.....thankfully he agreed and perscribed what I needed right then and there. It was the first time he's perscribed this sort of meds, ever. That was several years ago.
There have been times I've cried during a visit because I was in dire pain. My blood pressure backed up showing very high levels.

One time when my husband was diagnosed with mouth cancer...the doctor who was helping with the upcoming surgery took us both in his arms...he started sobbing....tears running down his face as he hugged his tightly.
He was so sorry...my husband was only 36 at the time and was facing only a 10% cure rate with this type cancer....he's beatin it...but facing more surgery as he's had more cancer show up....its heartbreaking.
My initials are CRY....thats why the crytears! Cheryl