i can't read

[waves]

i can't read well. i am trying to read articles and it is getting harder and harder... my eyes haplessly wander over the text as a whole, not the words. i can't get a grip. i read some earlier and now i just can't concentrate. i feel overwhelmed just by looking at long bodies of text - no matter i can produce them no problem. :rolleyes:

perhaps i should take some lorazepam now. i have been avoiding it i seldom use it, but this is my second full day with a lump in my throat and now i'm starting to feel pressure on my chest... and i have to hold back tears all the time.

~ waves ~ from the dumpster

[bizi]

then take your medicine that will make you feeel better and more grounded.
(((HUGS))))
bizi

[Salsa]

If you're supposed to be taking it then please do. Wanting you to get back on track. Hope you can get out of that dumpster soon.

Sandy

[waves]

Thank you both for answering me.

Yes Sandy the dumpster sucks. But the orosoluble lorazepam is like Xanax and NOT a daily med - PRN only to use judiciously for acute attacks i try to take it as little as possible; pdoc concurs. it is also expensive.

and this is different i don't know how to explain.If i could read, I could distract myself. Tomorrow i will add a midday dose of En which is more like Klonopin. in fact, it's 9.15pm now... i can take the evening En early. i am afraid the depression part will get worse i just don't know it's like a tugowar and I feel cruddy and like an idiot... as in brain went for a walk.

Sandy : I hope you are feeling a little lighter-spirited.
Bizi : i hope your hands have stopped burning!

[Salsa]

Robin takes Lorazepam as needed when he's having a lot of seizures. It knocks him out. Is it pretty hard on your system too?

[waves]

yeah... i took 3 once (they are 2.5mg each) -- not all together but one didn't do the trick, two either.... and 20 mins after the third i was ok. but that's a LOT of lorazepam and it kicked my butt i nearly fell asleep on the bus home (and would've ended up goodness only knows...)

i almost took it when i had that "thing" ... i think i mentioned it to you before... but i was self medicating and ddn't want to worsen things - some say its protective, others say the reverse. it is not empirically tested. anyway.

ii guess i'll should post to E but i'm shy about it. i wonder if you can share your thoughts on this... i thought about it later and realized i had not felt anxious and so forgotten my En (benzo) for a couple days (abruptly) and halved my depakote which also potentiates my lamictal (i.e. halving it, i close-to halved the lamictal) i leave you to do the math :rolleyes: i did that because of motor side effects (trembling) which i had noted in past years with multiple AEDs and Li too.

but what happened: very strange.... cross over sizzly feelings from the left side of my head (motor cortex to be precise) cross face? and all down my right side... whereupon i would feel my right knee start to go from under me and simultaneously start to black out... then recover... then it would repeat after about 10-15 seconds or so (guessing) clear. each event was several seconds, maybe close to a minute, and always the same. kinda like a mild, oblique electric shock. mild tho.

it first started (i guess) as i woke up and i blamed it on sugar low... went about my business it didn't stop. lasted over 24 hours unremittingly. i did not dare take the lorazepam since at that point i din't want to add players to the field... i went back to the regime i was on previously, including the En even tho i did not have Anxiety any more.

well, i knew sleep was good for seizures and wouldn't hurt anyway, so i went for that rather than med intervention but i did take full doses of my AEDs. i woke up the same way, but it lessened and finally passed during the course of the second day.

The scary part was the momentary black outs and feeling my knee go limp from under me even if i never went out.... i considered going to ER in case things got worse. I lived alone. i never lost consciousness but each time my vision would dim and i felt i was about to... and then i came back. does that sound like a SP? i found this thing called "Status Epilepticus Partialis (SEP)" which seems like an NOS bucket for repeating non-convulsive SP and CPs but not ever having had a confirmed seizure.... :confused: Ever heard of that?

DOES this sound like seizures to you? or some other thing? It would be consistent with the abrupt drop in meds. MY pdoc said it sounded like SPs but... over and over and over for 24+ hours ???

It has remained a mystery... but i've been careful with the my en now, even if i don't feel anxious. and i DO NOT TOUCH my AED dosages.

~ waves ~ wondering what you make of all this

p.s. see, i can write just fine. for reading maybe its tech articles or something. had trouble with my moms shoulder ones too. :(

[Salsa]

DOES this sound like seizures to you? or some other thing? It would be consistent with the abrupt drop in meds. MY pdoc said it sounded like SPs but... over and over and over for 24+ hours ???

It has remained a mystery... but i've been careful with the my en now, even if i don't feel anxious. and i DO NOT TOUCH my AED dosages.
~ waves ~ wondering what you make of all this

p.s. see, i can write just fine. for reading maybe its tech articles or something. had trouble with my moms shoulder ones too. :(

Girl, you're asking me questions well above what I can answer.:o
I know that SPS can have many different feelings. I've had odd feelings many times and wondered. I've also noticed that when my meds have not been right that I've gotten odd feelings as well......so it's hard to tell, y'know.

Maybe you could get some input on the E board. I'm not being terribly helpful.

As for the writing, I know that I go through periods where I find it hard to read. (Not so much the writing). I think it's mostly lately with the depression I've had. I've never been a terribly good reader, though. I have a very hard time following a novel unless it REALLY grabs my interest. The same goes for a movie or a drama on TV. I do ok with ½ hour shows-- but I usually find them terribly boring. I end up watching nothing any more or watching non-fiction shows on PBS or HISTORY. I guess I'm saying that for me, my attention waxes and wanes depending on how I'm feeling. Might be a bit of my ADHD too.

Sandy

[waves]

Thanks Sandy...

in a way, i'm relieved that i'm confused, even tho i'm more confused... uh-oh i'll stop here because i feel a Chrissy Snow sentence evolving ... remember 3's company? oh gosh.

ok i'll post it over to E... soon as i pluck up the courage... :o :rolleyes:

I do appreciate your reading that whole long schlepp of a post and trying to answer me.

i think i may be sub-clinical ADD. not ADHD i'm missing the H part, but i have some of the features, esp the disattentive. I think like you said here tho in this case for me it is the depression/anxiety.

thanks again for your quick replies... kinda cool: i guess we're both online :)

~ waves ~

[Pamster]

Hi waves,

I'm sorry I didn't reply over the weekend, I had my hands full with the little guy and couldn't concentrate. Also reading and writing are kinda a sore spot for me at the moment. I still have feelings like I will never write again and it's really bothering me since I really enjoyed writing.

I can appreciate the feeling of being overwhelmed by long passages, I sometimes feel that way too when people don't use paragraph breaks, and if I can manage to get through it sometimes replying to it is harder because I like my replies to address the concerns and thoughts of the OP.

I don't know about the other things you brought up, but I wanted to reply and let you know that you're not alone with the reading issue. I don't think it's an ADD thing necessarily, but then again maybe it is. For all I know I have some aspects of ADD myself. I wish that this kind of stuff would pass easily but most of the time at leat for me, it's a rough ride.

I have you in my thoughts waves, and am wishing you the best. I hope you feel better soon. :)

[Salsa]

FWIW, when I was a kid, I was unable to read (for all practical purposes). I mean, I could read, but reading is not the same as reading and also comprehending. I would be reading words but I had a hard time retaining what I'd read.

I noticed a change in my mid-teens. Maybe it was my age, but I think it's more likely that this was the approximate age when I began taking Depakene (Depakote now) and Tegretol. Both were prescribed for my seizures, but they are also both mood stabilizers. So there you go. Maybe that's why I took an interest in reading about that age.

I also know that when I am reading, it helps to take a piece of paper or a book mark and underline the words I am reading. I suppose it helps me to stay on task and concentrate on what I'm reading. I'm not sure how that works, but it does help.

Sandy

[Pamster]

I also know that when I am reading, it helps to take a piece of paper or a book mark and underline the words I am reading. I suppose it helps me to stay on task and concentrate on what I'm reading. I'm not sure how that works, but it does help.

I sometimes do this too, not consistantly, but when I have trouble it definitely helps. Maybe this would help you too waves? Thanks for bringing it up Sandy! :D