How to help?????

[Davidson]

I have an 88 year-old neighbor that I look after. Her memory and the ability to recognize people and places has deteriorated over the last several years. I've tried to encourage her to see her Dr. for a "checkup". Well, she just wasn't getting it so tonight I told her that I think she's getting alzheimers. She just spent a week with her niece and nephew in her home and had no idea who they were. She got angry when I told her who they were and said she knows her niece and nephew and the people that spent a week in her house were not them. This is only one example of many. I'm sure she won't go to the Dr. on her own. She denies that she's getting alzheimer's or that she has any other problems. Is there anything I can/should do to help her? Any advise is greatly appreciated. Thank you!

[Tootsie]

Do you know who her doctor is, or can you find out? I had a similar situation with the long time, significant other, of my brother in law. She stopped answering letters, didn't send birthday cards to family members as she had in the past, and my nephew who had visited, found her apartment in great disarray.

I remembered her mentioning her doctor's name and found the address. I wrote a letter, giving the details of what had been reported to me, expressing the concern of the family, that she was not coping well. My BIL had passed away, and she had given him constant support during his stages, and eventual institutional care, for Alzheimer's.

Of course, the doctor could not respond directly to me, because of privacy issues and the fact I was not a blood relation. However, I had given him the names of local people who might have better information, if he needed further documentation. I do not know how it all worked out, but I did hear that she had accepted admittance into a nursing home as she could have been taken advantage of, very easily.

Try and express your concern, to your local County Office of Aging, or Social Service Agencies, or a private doctor. They can set the agenda for either having some kind of in home supervision, or contact family members. You may need to make several phone calls before finding the right agency for your community. Keep in mind that perhaps not all family members will have your elderly neighbors welfare at heart, especially if there is money involved. Cheerio.

[Davidson]

Tootsie, Thank you for your response. I contacted her Doctor and made him aware of her condition. Hopefully she will make an appointment soon, but it doesn't look like she will. I also contacted Senior Protective Services. They said they will send somebody out to check on her and see if they can do anything. Her niece has been in and out of jail for ID theft, credit card fraud and drug convictions. The niece recently stole a large sum of money from her and is trying her best to get her committed. The niece is trying to get Power of Attorney over her as there is a home and a large amount of money to be had by her if she succeeds. My neighbor has been a hard worker and good person all of her life. She certainly doesn't deserve to be taken advantage of. Nobody does! My neighbor is still aware enough to feed and take care of herself. She needs help, but in no way is ready to be committed. I fear that she would just give up if forced to move from her home and I will do whatever I can to help her stay as long as possible. Thank you for your suggestions.

[Tootsie]

There are some ways of getting your neighbor to a doctor. One, is to tell her that her Medicare physical exam is due...(it probably is), but if you could make the appointment with the doctor, and then offer to take her, that might work. Since you have already spoken with her doctor, you might discuss with him, your idea.

Having a good physical, is so very important. The aging process can cause havoc with thyroid, absorbtion of vitamins, anemia, and all are correctible. Sometimes the symptoms are similar to early dementia and a doctor can remedy those medical problems. Cheerio.

[Davidson]

I think we made some headway today. I took her to her foot Dr. for a prearranged appointment. The foot Dr. told her that his office would make an appointment for a physical with her regular physician. I'll follow up to make sure the appointment was made and be sure to take her. She's being somewhat resistant, but this is the closest we've gotten yet. That's interesting information about the vitamins, anemia, thyroid, etc. Hopefully that's what it is and she can live a more normal life. Thank you for your responses. It means very much to me.

[Tootsie]

Your neighbor, is very fortunate, to have such a wonderful friend, to help her with all the trivia of everyday life that becomes more bewildering with advancing years. We never know just when we will need that kind of help and support, but I thank you for your efforts. If she were my relative, it would be a great comfort to know that there was someone nearby, that was caring and supportive. Cheerio.