NCPR: Built in Counselor? LOL

[Kathi49]

I had to laugh since we have been talking so much about counseling and CP and such.

My daughter just received an Acceptance Letter from the State to work as a Family Case Manager 3. So, all this time I had my own little counselor built right in and living under my roof for the time being. :)

But at least she will be using her degree (Criminal Justice/Psychology) and will be making enough money to support herself and get her own place YAY! Don't get me wrong; love her to death...but it is time to move on LOL!

I know what this entails as one of my nieces used to do this. And it is slightly scary and can weigh heavily on emotions. It really got to my niece after awhile...emotionally. But my niece didn't have a law enforcement background either. My daughter does (as a cadet) and has interned and gone on homicide cases and acted as a criminal investigator while in college. Pretty rough stuff from what she told me but she handled it.

I couldn't really ask her much about it as she is in Israel right now with her church group. But she did call yesterday and I asked her if it could be dangerous. But she said it would be more casework and that she had told them she didn't want to perform parole type of duties and that sort of thing. But IF she had to go into a home, she would have police backup first. Still scary though. :eek:

I am just glad that she found a position with good benefits, etc., and even though it probably isn't her dream job, it is a start. And like I said, she can make enough now to support herself. She has been working full time with very long hours which she wasn't getting compensated for. So, this will be better. Then eventually she can move onto something else. This still scares me a little bit. But you have to understand she loves police work and working with people from the social standpoint.

I should add too that she has often talked in depth with me about pain, meds, etc. and had a few good ideas and suggestions herself. :)

[BrokenBladder]

Kathi it does sound like a great job for her, but I also understand where it could be scary.
Your daughter sounds like a strong person, probably got it from you, and she might enjoy this more than you think.
The big plus is she will be doing something her degree is made for and she can move out!!
As far as her job being dangerous well now days there are so many jobs that are dangerous that we don't even think of. Your daughter is probably going to be safer than most with police protection at every turn!!
Hey Kathi, did you ask your daughter if you seemed angry??LOL!! Sorry I couldn't resist!!

[Kathi49]

Thanks Lisa,

Yep, the girl can be fearless and that is what worries me. She IS strong and very involved with her church. She says that is what keeps her strong. I don't know if had much to do with her strength other than to always tell her to rely on herself and herself only. In other words, she had to get the education and the skills to support herself. Because roomates, boyfriends, friends and even husbands can come and go. Anyway, I get onto her all the time because I think there should be some fear to keep you alert/observant. She's learning though. :) And has had police training she just didn't want to be a police officer; she really wanted to be a criminal investigator.

I don't think I have ever asked her if I am angry LOL! But I will when she gets back. But when we fight or fuss, it is usually over something stupid like why she didn't do something I asked her to do. That kind of thing. :) Just normal stuff. And I think being in college for 4 years made her more independent. But when you are living under my roof for the time being...you can help out! :) I can tell you this much. She is chomping at the bit to get her own place. So, no, it's not like she is lazy at all and wants to stay here with me. :)

Now, there was a while back several years ago when I was really down and out. And she is the one that got me moving and motivated again. And was a great help. :)

[Mark N]

Glad to hear she has a job that she wants and will get her started on the career she wants to follow. It is hard as a parent to see them go into a job that has some danger but think back about how fearless you were at that age. I try not to limit my daughter because it would be so easy to do. It sounds like you have given your daughter a good push all her life to be her own person and to follow the path she is interested in.

This will be another good expereience for her and you will have an empty nest again:D . You and hubby can get out the disco ball [remember your post about the new Bose system and empty room] and get wild:D .

[Kathi49]

Okay, Mark, LOL!

Yes, I was fearless in that I wanted to go and do all the time! So, yes, she is just like me or like I was. The girl is a traveling fool too. And so was I. But once I got a taste of non-stop travel on my job for three years...that was enough LOL! That wore me into the ground. And it wasn't like a 2 month stay or something; it was out for two weeks normally and back for a weekend and out again...but always different places. Loved it at first, but after awhile...whew! You know what I mean by TDY everywhere! :) I think the longest stay was a month at Ft. Belvoir. We worked hard, had a great team and we all had a blast after work hours. But, yep, 3 years was enough!

Anyway, thank you, yes I have always allowed her to find her own niche; things she was interested in and she would try them. Sometimes she didn't like what she chose but I always made her finish it and move onto something else that she might enjoy. I never even realized she was even remotely interested in police work. But watching "Cops" all the time should have clued me in. :) But really, she likes the investigative stuff more.

Oh, and I don't know how long it will take before she gets her own place but I would assume as quick as she can. :) And, YES to the empty nest!!! I want my loft back (full of college stuff) and I would like to take her room and turn into my own workspace for hobbies and such. But, at the rate I am going I ought to put a Futon in there and just make it a den or something.

Forget the disco ball LOL! I don't even have one. But even if I did, I'd probably fall flat on my face. My best friend (same age) said she was dancing around the other night after having some wine; her knee locked up and she hit the floor! So, see what happens? BTW no new carpet; we are going with laminate flooring so everything is still in another room until we can have it installed.

[ErinENj]

Kathi,

That's awesome!!! You must be so proud! I wish your daughter all the luck with it. It is a hard position. My mom used to work for the Family Crisis Intervention Unit here in NJ and there were a lot of cases where she was really affected by the situation these kids were in. It can be hard to try and remain professionally and not personally involved, especially in the cases where a great kid is stuck with rotten parents who treat them horribly. It's really rough to try and stay somewhat detached. But it's also very rewarding. My mom was always so proud when one of the kids in her cases graduated from high school or even college, or even more proud when she runs into them on the street and they've got a family, a wonderful life, wonderful job, everything they ever wanted, and then they thank her for helping them get all of that. That's when she knows that what she's done has made a great difference in at least one child's life. She's always happy when she sees 'her' kids all grown up and being the parents they never had.

It can be a little dangerous, depending on the cases she gets. I'm sure that the state will start her out on some more basic cases and not on the really tough ones, depending on how overloaded your state's child welfare department is. Here in NJ, they need caseworkers asap, but mainly for the worse areas, like Camden, a city that has been on the 10 Most Dangerous Cities in the US list for a few years. It has gone down from 1st to 5th, but it's still worse there than in NYC. But I'm sure she'll take all the precautions she needs to and I'm even more positive that the people she works with will help her get a hold on what things to look out for when dealing with a certain type of situation.

Will she be doing more field work or office work? Whatever she does, I'm very happy that she's found something that will make her happy and that she'll enjoy her job. And, as I've found with my mom, working for government can be fantastic as far as benefits are concerned. My mom will have lifetime benefits by the time she retires, including medical, for free (a controversial issue here in NJ. Hopefully, it'll take a few years for them to figure it all out so she can still keep the free benefits she's worked so hard for). And working for the state should be even better. I think that it's a fantastic job, made even better by the benefits.

I'm sure you're very proud of her! And I'm also sure that once she gets the money saved up, she'll get a place of her own. BUT, I'm also sure that when she does, she'll still be at your house often to come and see her mom. And I'm sure that once she's gone, you'll miss her, but that you'll be so proud it balances it all out.

A big congrats to your daughter and I hope she gets home safe from her trip!! And a big congrats to you too! You raised a great daughter who is very socially and civically aware, things I'm sure she picked up from you! :D

[Kathi49]

Thank you Erin,

I am overwhelmed. :) I don't know how this will all turn out for her. And of course I am certain she will want to move on eventually to something else. But again, my main point is or was, she will at least be using her degree. And gaining even more experience will be a big help. THEN maybe she can go into the federal government which is what she really wants. Then again, she might love what she is doing.

I know when she interned at the Reformatory here and the with the Sheriff's department (the homicide cases), I asked her how she could deal and see that kind of stuff. She said they teach you how to sort of detach yourself from it and just proceed. But I said, "Yeah, but even the most seasoned veterans get sick over certain things." But she insisted that she just proceeded with what they asked her to do. Then again, she hasn't worked with children yet. It's NOT like she is hard as a rock...not at all. And she is excellent with small children. But we'll see. I can see where it would wear one down eventually. I know it did my niece; especially when she had to testify in court on certain cases.

From what she told me so far it will be more casework and again, if she had to go into a home it would be from referrals and if bad, the police would go in first. I will have to ask her more when she gets back home in a couple of days.

Anyway, back the fearless thing lol! Like I said she went to Israel with her church group. Now, that scared me a wee bit but it's not like I said don't go. She's an adult and will do what she wants. But whenever I bring up things she should be thinking about, she kind of laughs and says, "Mom, if it is my time, it is my time." Yeah right tell me that when something tragic is going on! Then I turn around and say, "Yes, but there is such a thing as preventative maintenance!" And she laughs when I say that. Soooooo....I guess I am one paranoid mom LOL! But she's young, and no offense intended. I was the same way until I got much older. I used to get out and drive in the middle of blizzard just for kicks. Just to see if I could from here to there LOL! But now when I see the snow coming down it is OMG! LOL

I did check out the benefits and they look to be pretty good. So, in that regard, it's fine.

Anyway, thank you again. I am proud of her she worked very hard throughout college. And as you know, many, many nights without sleep, studying, working etc. And then was involved with police work on campus, her sorority and the Mortar Board. And even taught some classes. I don't know how she had the energy or the time, but she did it. :)