Annie B.
03-22-2007, 05:53 PM
Hello out there to all my old and new sober and struggling friends! It's been such a long time since I've checked in, but today for some reason, I felt compelled to stop by and say something.
I do make an effort to come by and read several times a week, but never. ever contribute anymore and I'm not really sure why that is. I'm still sober and free from the ETOH that nearly wrecked my life and the lives of my family. I'm 6 months away from celebrating 5 years and as of today have no reason to think that it won't happen provided that I continue to live one day at a time.
I've so missed checking in here. Of all the forums I visit on BT, this is the one that feels most like family to me. What is it they say about us--the world is full of drunks and other friends that we haven't met yet. My life is about the same. I'm still shopping way too much, but the reason is a good one--the 40+ pounds that mysteriously appeared on me several years ago has just as mysteriously started to come off quickly. I've gotta say, I do look good as I get back to my old size and I like the way I feel when I look in the mirror. (Is that so conceited? I don't mean for it to be!) I'm getting my old body back, but that means that the wardrobe has to be replaced. In 2001, I was a size 2-4, then ballooned up to a 16 by summer's end, and in the last 6 months am back down to an 8. (I know, guys, this means nothing to you!)
Better yet, I need to get to a seamstress to see how much she'd charge to make everything fit again. It can't be more than it would be to replace everything.
My biggest challenge has been at work. It's absolutely miserable and many times, the old Annie B. would have drank AT the people around her who bother her. I haven't wanted to do that, but I do feel myself and that restless, irritable and discontented feeling lots and lots. It's then I have to remember that there is something the matter with ME, and look for what that is and how to fix it.
I lost a sponsor under bad circumstances earlier his year. It's really hurt me and I find myself thinking about her over and over again. So, I'm inbetween a good sponsor, and although I suround myself with sober and struggling women through meetings that I'm dedicated to, it's not the same as having that one woman who knows everything there is to know about you.
Since the baby (now 2 yo and the reason for me finding BT 3 years ago) is getting bigger, I've found myself going to fewer and fewer meetings, relying on the BB and other literature. DH is 14+ years sober in AA, but you know what they say about sponsoring each other--not a great idea.
Hey you all, I didn't mean for this to be an epistle. Just wanted to reintroduce myself. I hope that nobody minds me venting and sharing in this forum for a little while. Circumstances are making real time meetings almost impossible. I'll get back to them soon, just not right now.
I really do miss you all--it's so good to see old faces/nicknames and the new. I hope that you find it in your hearts to take me back in as a contributing member of this forum. I really felt "a part of" before the crash, and now am having a hard time finding where I fit anymore.
I don't think I'm close to a drink. I just want to put one more wall inbetween me and the ETOH--the enemy. To drink means that this alcoholic WILL die--I have no doubt in that. I know that I don't have another recovery in me.
Love you all as only another alkie can,
xoxo,
Annie B.
I do make an effort to come by and read several times a week, but never. ever contribute anymore and I'm not really sure why that is. I'm still sober and free from the ETOH that nearly wrecked my life and the lives of my family. I'm 6 months away from celebrating 5 years and as of today have no reason to think that it won't happen provided that I continue to live one day at a time.
I've so missed checking in here. Of all the forums I visit on BT, this is the one that feels most like family to me. What is it they say about us--the world is full of drunks and other friends that we haven't met yet. My life is about the same. I'm still shopping way too much, but the reason is a good one--the 40+ pounds that mysteriously appeared on me several years ago has just as mysteriously started to come off quickly. I've gotta say, I do look good as I get back to my old size and I like the way I feel when I look in the mirror. (Is that so conceited? I don't mean for it to be!) I'm getting my old body back, but that means that the wardrobe has to be replaced. In 2001, I was a size 2-4, then ballooned up to a 16 by summer's end, and in the last 6 months am back down to an 8. (I know, guys, this means nothing to you!)
Better yet, I need to get to a seamstress to see how much she'd charge to make everything fit again. It can't be more than it would be to replace everything.
My biggest challenge has been at work. It's absolutely miserable and many times, the old Annie B. would have drank AT the people around her who bother her. I haven't wanted to do that, but I do feel myself and that restless, irritable and discontented feeling lots and lots. It's then I have to remember that there is something the matter with ME, and look for what that is and how to fix it.
I lost a sponsor under bad circumstances earlier his year. It's really hurt me and I find myself thinking about her over and over again. So, I'm inbetween a good sponsor, and although I suround myself with sober and struggling women through meetings that I'm dedicated to, it's not the same as having that one woman who knows everything there is to know about you.
Since the baby (now 2 yo and the reason for me finding BT 3 years ago) is getting bigger, I've found myself going to fewer and fewer meetings, relying on the BB and other literature. DH is 14+ years sober in AA, but you know what they say about sponsoring each other--not a great idea.
Hey you all, I didn't mean for this to be an epistle. Just wanted to reintroduce myself. I hope that nobody minds me venting and sharing in this forum for a little while. Circumstances are making real time meetings almost impossible. I'll get back to them soon, just not right now.
I really do miss you all--it's so good to see old faces/nicknames and the new. I hope that you find it in your hearts to take me back in as a contributing member of this forum. I really felt "a part of" before the crash, and now am having a hard time finding where I fit anymore.
I don't think I'm close to a drink. I just want to put one more wall inbetween me and the ETOH--the enemy. To drink means that this alcoholic WILL die--I have no doubt in that. I know that I don't have another recovery in me.
Love you all as only another alkie can,
xoxo,
Annie B.