When Feeling so Exhausted I Feel Like Giving up

[Sugar Free Sweetie]

I sometimes get so angry because I am feeling ill and I think to myself, damn, just go ahead and die, quit panicking! I don't know how to describe this anger really. It's like I have these bouts with anxiety and panic and think oh no, I need a doctor and then occasionally, in the middle of one of these episodes, I say I GIVE UP! And it is an angry feeling because I am just so damned tired of the ill feeling.

Anyone else get like this or am I the weirdo?

[Mott]

Hi Sugar Free Sweetie,

Are you sure you aren't mistaking frustration for anger? I know you can get so frustrated you become angry with yourself.

Don't give up. ;)

Mott

[BEM]

Mott is right, both about frustration and about not giving up. Anger is useful if you use it against the illness, not against life or against yourself. Use your anger to refuse to give in or give up. Arm yourself with stubborn resistance, and use your anger as a weapon against what the illness is trying to do to you. I know how you feel, I'm fighting furiously against Parkinson's disease. I will lose in the end, which is so angry making that I refuse to give up, and my anger gives me strength.
Be angry and fight back!

birte

[weas]

sugar free

you are not a wierdo, or alone....i,too, feel like i wish it would end, i just cant take the pain anymore...it may not be anger, but i am angry right up to the moment i am ready to pack it in...
-weas

[joy]

well did i ever pick out the words exhausted and give up! that's where i have been for the past month or so. i want to add also that i'm sorry about the loss of your cousin. i did a peek and saw where you had lost a relative. you were right to advise people to be tested for colon cancer. could this be part of your reasoning to just give up? just speculating and i know i have not lost anyone lately but have been feeling awfully frustrated.

i'm almost afraid to say this but just sometimes if i give myself the priviledge of thinking i could give up if i really wanted too! well that thought alone makes it bearable. which is what i was looking for in the first place. something to make it bearable. but whatever it takes i'm going to keep trying. hopefully you feel the same way.

[JAVISI]

Sugar free,Please don't feel alone, most of us have been where you are right now. I have been there many times. So many bad things have happened to me since I became ill. Not to add all of the hospital and Dr. visits, which can be awful at times, when you are judged. Another things most of us have been through!

I just vented a long thread about my frustrations and I know many of my wonderful cyber friends will be there to lift me up. I have tried to take the philosophy that I am ill and yes, I can't do the things I used to do I have to do some of them slower but eventually find that slower is so much sweeter. And be thank ful for all that I have, things I once took for granted.

Just a few days ago my best friend was here from Texas, I love seeing her but this was on a sad note. When we were teens she lived with her sister and her husband. I practically lived there. I was raised by them in my teen years. She was my female role model and he was my male role model as a teen. The reason she was back at the age of 45, my role model, her brother hung himself. Life may seem bad but It made me realize how prescious life is.

Life has many things waiting for you! Hang in there and continue coming t9o this site I promise you that their are many angels that have the right words to comfort you and can give you some strong solid advice!

Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars, Javisi:)

[Nicollissa]

Frustration was the first descriptive came to mind for me as well, although a year ago I was experiencing an untow of emtion that I was unaware of until recently. Angry that I didn't die... angry at the loss of self as I'd known, as well envisioned for the future.

Is this simular to what you refer? Seems once it surfaced I gave myself permission to to let go of feelings of underachieving. Had to let up on pushing myself to be as active as when I was healthy. Not give up - let up and let go of attempting to control something I knew nothing about. Now I approach myself as someone I'm getting to know. Continue to discover as well RESPECT physical and neurological limitations as you would were you a friend/loved one.

Inner Peace and Joy can be experienced even in the midst of pain.

[Cry Tears]

My prayer to God every nite was "heal ME or KILL me!"...id wake up "alive" morning after nite of unrest, tossing, turning.
I was bedridden for over half year...someone had to come in help me with personal grooming and housework.
The strong sleeping pills I took then kept me from fully waking.
My life was a virtual nightmare, there was no end of this in sight.
Non of the doctors, Neuros. Gastros, Rhuemys had answers.
Then I found my way here to Brain Talk.
Learned about B12, the Neuro connection with its deficiency,
took Roses advice to take it, then began to heal and
the Peripheral Neuropathy wasn't anywhere near as bad, painful.
EMG and NC test proved much improvment in just few weeks, thank God for BT Forums!
That was Fall 2004. I was able to climb out of bed,
to live somewhat "normal" but still had/have many health issues.

Last year, April 2006 I began a gluten free diet.
Many here on BT urged me to just try this, I felt they were wrong...but sure we not!
More healing came, daily diarreah stopped after 25+ years of this!
Wow! No more awful D'reah, gut pain hands full of pills.
And my once body wide Neuropathy is less than half what once was.
If God had answered my prayers I may have died!
Guess sometimes He says "No" sometimes "Yes"...sometimes...wait, I have something better!
I fully beleive God lead me here to Brain Talk...he answered my pitiful pleas of "heal me or kill me!"
HE showed me a way out of my suffering...
He too will help you as well, I'm no one special. All you have to do is ask.

When I was healthy I had a wonderful job... I was very sucessful at selling Real Estate.
I worked hard at building my business up and enjoyed every moment of "work".
I should be making well over 6 figure income,
instead I'm reduced to getting less than $900 month, ha!
Is what I took HOME per week, on a very bad week!

Then had to share 33% 3 years back pay to my SS lawyer nearly 3 years it took to finally gain what I paid into.

What joke Social INsecurity is...
we are forced to pay into, no matter what!
Now pay nearly half back for taxes.

Deal or NO deal!....
Sometimes Life seems is some sicko game.
When we lose our health, we lose it all!
Then if being unhealthy isn't enough for one soul,
the Medication makes us weirdos, alters personality.
Lets face it, it changes who we once were.

I lost my self, my all because I was foolish and vane in getting a new house
filled with new furniture...well I got it!...
It made my immune system fail.

After working hard on our home all summer, we finally finished then moved in early fall.
Because of ice storms we closed the house up tight.
Dr's feel off gassing fumes harmed my already fragile immune system.

Yeah...we got that nice home, filled with new stuff too.
That was 19 years ago....now our furniture outdated, carpets need replacing,
no longer beautiful.
My heart's broken losing so much all because I wanted a nice new home.

I'd grown up very poor living on welfare...
lived in "homes" you'd be afraid to step into.
Instead pretty bedspread...didn't even have old shabby one,
had to put throw rugs on bed to keep warm!
I went without food many times...
Always wore used clothing, was lucky to shop thrift stores.

Whats wrong with wanting nice new home, I'd earned it AND have always been giving to others.
Our older 2 kids moved on finished with schooling.
We'd given them a Christian eduacation. We had to make many sacrifices.
Seems like I'm being terribly punished for my vanity.
I'd trade my poor health for all this, and live happily in some dump if I could just get half it back, less pain, stop suffering day in day out.

There still are some days I want to scream, hit, slap, slam, go crazy do something...anything but live like this...but what do I hit, slap, slam...certainly can't go crazy!
Its like a bad dream, can't wake up.
But there is NOTHING we can do but accept what we have, then try to move on, make peace with our inner soul.
Yes...we are no longer the person we once were. But there is nothing we can do to change any of this.
Until we can come to terms with this we won't feel peace.

I am very thankful that God heard my prayers, and told me "NO"!...not yet!
Because I am much better than I was then, I saw no end of my long term suffering and saga.
If I had died then I would never experience the healing I have enjoyed recently.
Dont get me wrong, I still have pain and fatigue, but thankfully nothing like I did when first got ill.

I must take one day at a time...when thats too much, then I must break time into smaller increments....
this makes helps make our pain and suffering a little more bearable.
Only God knows if my pain really is better, perhaps its only because I've come partway to terms with it and my perceptions towards the pain is different.
Its a daily battle, some days worse than others, some days is unbearable, then some days IS bearable.
Thank God for those days.
God Bless, cheryl