HELP and Suggestions

[gah]

On September 19, 2000 I was involved in a one vehicle accident that caused me a very sever injury. I had brain surgery, was in a coma for 2 months and physical rehab for some period of time after that. When I left the hospital setting, since I was clean for nearly 6 months I was admitted to a halfway house. At the halfway house I was involved in the program and attended both NA and AA meetings, got a sponsor and worked the steps. Then in May of 2002 I relapsed and have not been able to get any significant time since then - 6 months, 2 months, 9 months,, etc...

My last run was a few days ago, left me suicidal, distant from my family and friends, my own choice and I felt alone. After conversations with some very sober friends I have been encouraged to enter detox/rehab. I am planning this but I also think that going to another halfway house would be a great idea and continue to give me some distance from my illness.

Does anyone else have any similar experiences and suggestions than can impart.

[houghchrst]

Just a couple of questions. Was there a particular event in 2002 that caused you to relapse? Are you hanging with people that contribute to your continuous relapse or do you go it alone? Were you still at the halfway house when you had your first relapse and if not how long had you been out? If you were out did you still attend meetings and do you still attend now? Do you still stay in contact with your sponsor? Do you want to go to a halfway house after detox because you think you will feel *safer* there than out in the world?
Just thought I would ask to get a little more info before I try to see if I can give you anything that may be useful to you.

[citoig]

Hi George & Christine. Well, George, you may have nioticed that Christine asked a lot of questions. She's right to; without knowing the WHOLE story no one can really offer any suggestions.

You mention the rehab and hallfway house as if they alone are magically going to fix your problem. There is only one way your problem can be fixed - CHANGE You have top work ALL the Steps in order to find those things in your life that have to be changed and then work on changing them. That's how the Program works. We accept what cannot be changed, we change what we can, and seek the Wisdom to know the difference. (See the Serenity Prayer.) Rigorous self-honesty and a sincere effort to change are the keys to long term sobriety/abstenance.

Keep us posted here. We will try to help but the ultimate help is your own willingness to change those things that doom you to failure.

Citoig

[gah]

Thanks for the questions Christine,

Just a couple of questions. Was there a particular event in 2002 that caused you to relapse? Are you hanging with people that contribute to your continuous relapse or do you go it alone? Were you still at the halfway house when you had your first relapse and if not how long had you been out? If you were out did you still attend meetings and do you still attend now? Do you still stay in contact with your sponsor? Do you want to go to a halfway house after detox because you think you will feel *safer* there than out in the world?

The relapse was based in part on my loneliness and lack of female contact. So I thought I would pay for a 'hooker' but that obviously was not a safe thought and action. No I had left the halfway house when I relapsed. Yes, up until the last few months I did continue to atend meetings, speak with my sponser and was honest about my contined using. And yes part of me feels safer at a halfway house than the real world but my overall goal is for recovery to become part of my life again instead of an after thought. From my past and current situation I thought a halfway ghouse would assist me to make recovery number one and not an also ran.

[houghchrst]

Thanks George for your honesty, I know that outside of a structured living arrangement it is harder to stay clean and sober. My fiance was incarcerated for selling and I was left out here to try on my own. I had outpatient rehab but a couple hours in the morning then you come out to deal with the world. It is hard. Maybe instead of inpatient you could try outpatient if available. That way you are getting the support but you are also being responsible for your own actions in the afternoons and evenings.

The relapse was based in part on my loneliness and lack of female contact. So I thought I would pay for a 'hooker' but that obviously was not a safe thought and action.

Did you have to get high to feel brave enough to do this or did she have drugs with her? Or did you feel guilt ridden and then get high? You know that the recommendation is clean and sober for at least a year before you try to have any relationships with the opposite sex. May I ask how old you are?

I would recommend staying in touch with sponsor, getting to meetings even if you have to do 2 a day. I find that going to a meeting at the time of the day when you find you are most vulnerable and have the most cravings works better. If you need to find a program I would recommend outpatient. You need to do this and not have it done for you. You fall you get back up, you fall you get back up, keep working at it and you will get. As citoig said work the steps. Sometimes as things change in your life you need to adjust working a particular step to compensate for what is new or needs changing. You mentioned that you have sober friends, hang on to them, lean on them, stop worrying about female companionship, you are still too new and that can cause complications that will only distract you from your purpose right now.

I am not sure how much this helps, all I can keep saying is keep doing it, you will get it right and there will be others around here who can offer assistance and you can pick and choose what works best for you. Stay in touch.

[steve m]

Welcome George, and Hello to everyone!..Its been a while since Ive posted here..too long..Ive been doing ok..looking foward to spring weather..staying sober and going to meetings..I have good days and bad with the Parkinsons..but Im ok with it..(Page 449..:D )

George..I think we all suffer from loneliness at times..It doesnt bother me anymore, but in the past, when it did, it haunted me reletlessly..I got in a few sick relationships and a very unhealthy marriage as a result of it that ended in a bitter divorce..Loneliness caused me to make lots of bad decisions, that I paid dearly for..luckily it didnt cost me my sobriety, but it did cause lots of pain and anguish..I was looking for something on the outside..(a woman)..to fix something on the inside..(lonliness)..and this dilemma goes further than just being lonely..This is one of the mental aspects of our disease, and its just ilke taking the word alcohol out of the first step and inserting the word lonliness in its place..We are powerless over it, and our lives become unmanagable because of it..The second part of the first step address the metal aspect of the disease and the first half of the first step addresses the physical aspect of our disease..(drinking/addiction)..For me..I found that I not only had to surrender to alcohol, but to the behaviors that make/made my life unmanagable as well..That is why we need ALL the steps!..If we dont change our behaviors through the steps, then this disease will take us down on its own terms..If you've got this thing, you cant outrun it..If we dont change it will run us over..Our natural reflex is to go for the instant gratification like you did with the prostitute..Unfortunately these decisions/actions do not fill the empty void..It just creates more emptiness, inner turmoil, and lowered self-esteem, and it will do it..every..single..time..that we reach for the "quick fix"

Do whatever you have to do to get sober..If you think getting out of the rat race for a while by living in a halfway house will help..then by all means do it..but remember that it is only a tool..ultimately your recovery will depend on what you do to accomodate it..This is a daily program and what you do TODAY will either keep you sober today..or take you out on another run..and every run gets worse and worse..So its pay me now or pay me later..but everybody pays their dues to maintain their sobriety..With the willingness to seek God's help and AA we can expect a miracle