What remains of OUR life.......

[Italia]

Ciao dear friends,:)

we always talk about our sons,about theit lives and problems...but we never talk about us....I mean...I don't want to know your private lives...;) ,but I just was wondering if you all have my same difficulties to organize your lives in order to have a moment for yourselves.

I'm talking to meet friends,to go to the gym,to go to the hairdresser....to study and whatever you like to do on your own....:D

what about you?

I've a lot of difficulties,because I work too and my work is very demanding and I want anyway to have some time which is only mine....and it's very difficult.But I think it's necessary to have it,if we want really help our special,demanding kids.Enrico is my life,and my life is dedicated to him,but I want my own time.Am I wrong?

(((HUGS))) Laura;)

[Pamster]

I know how you feel Italia, it's so hard to budget time for yourself, but it seems like when I do have time all I do is think about Jackie. The only time I have for myself and to get things done is when he's at school. That's because I don't work, I can't, no job would allow me the time I need to go on all the Dr's appts we have to go on. Let alone have time to get the mundane things done I need to get done so the household runs smoothly. Laundry doesn't do itself anymore then food buying itself or dishes doing themselves.

I find myself tired of the mundane chores and that they take me away from spending time with my son. I don't have any friends besides online ones and they are my lifeline to the world since my husband and I can't go out even for ourselves, it's just like your life changes and you just have to grin and bear it. Because our kids DO come first and we love him with all our hearts and it's hard to make time for yourself, but you really need time to yourself so you don't get burnt out.

I don't think it's selfish to want to go out or to have time for yourself, so if that is what you're thinking don't. It's normal to want a little 'me time' and healthy to give yourself that 'me time'. :)

[LIZARD]

Hey, Laura. :)

I'm very fortunate to be home, but I need to be right now, to work Drew's therapy program, since he only has his therapist coming twice a week, but 18 months ago, I started Weight Watchers, which I desperately needed to do, and my Fridays are the highlight of my week because of it. I love my group, my meeting, and especially my leader. She's the coolest. :) Best of all?? **90 LBS** have left my body forever!! :D I still have about 50-60 to go, but I now have a life outside of autism and neuro this-and-that, and it feels so good! I also sing, write (when the bug bites ;) ), and help folks here and on the epilepsy and hydrocephalus boards, which gives me a great deal of pleasure. :)

I know it's really tough right now. I was just telling my best friend this same thing. Her sweet little 8 mo was dx'ed with Infantile Spasms, a severe form of infantile epilepsy, in Dec., but you do eventually find the time to yourself, even if it's just a few minutes a day. Even when I was afraid to blink for fear Drew would find trouble, I would make sure to try to sing for a few minutes, or just take a deep breath. :) I also had to keep my epilepsy under control so I could do everything I did for him (and his sister), so it was absolutely essential that I have that time, as stress will throw it into turbo mode. :( I think I have a good balance now, but it took a long time. It was worth it, though. :) You'll get your chance, too. Just start out slow and feel out what you can take on. You may find it's amazingly therapeutic. :)

((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))), and good luck!

LIZARD :)

[Isabelle]

Laura, for younger people in our situations is hard to sacrifice those so personal times to relax and indulge as you did before when you didn't have children. For an older person like me is different....hmmm...at the same time I feel awfully guilty for what my son endured in the past because of my ignorance. So I am trying to make good of our time together hoping to get him back as he was before.

[Italia]

Her sweet little 8 mo was dx'ed with Infantile Spasms, a severe form of iEnrico too had infantile spasms for about 7 months,if i can help your friend someway let me know.,

[Italia]

Sorry I did a terrible mess while quoting,I'm not able to do it!:D

What I wanted to tell you Lizard is that Enrico too had infantile spasms for seven months before his doctor stopped them.Tell me wether I can help your friend someway.

(((Hugs)))

So it seems most of you think it's not so important to have sometime for ourselfes,no friends,no interests......
Except for Lizard,the other two friends don't think it's a good idea.......everything is more important then our mental health.
But does a stressed and unhappy mother help a son full of problems?:rolleyes:

[peglem]

So it seems most of you think it's not so important to have sometime for ourselfes,no friends,no interests......
Except for Lizard,the other two friends don't think it's a good idea.......everything is more important then our mental health.
But does a stressed and unhappy mother help a son full of problems?:rolleyes:

I haven't replied to this yet, because I wasn't sure I had anything that was important to add...and maybe I still don't, but,

I think for most of us its not so much a matter of how important it is, but how possible it is to sustain outside interests.

Until @ a year ago, I worked full time (as a teacher), took care of as many of Allie needs as I could and have 3 other NT children to care for as well. I was so stressed. And I lost myself...I was like a machine, just always serving the needs of others and actually feeling guilty when I failed to meet the needs of someone else. Last year on Christmas vacation, contemplating returning to work, I was suddenly struck by how miserable I was. I decided to quit work...but, could we survive without the income? Well, apparently we can! I still have so much to do, I can't imagine how I ever did all of this + working full time. But, now, My stress level is pretty low, I can manage what I deal with now. While Allie is in school, I have time to occaisionally indulge myself. Don't have the money to do a lot of things and I pretty much don't have any friends outside the autism world, but I think my reducing stress has helped me be a better parent and a happier person. No matter what I'm doing though, autism always comes with me- my life is so saturated with it. I can't even tell you anything that I do to relax. I take my moments when they come and always be ready to drop what I'm doing as the need arises. I'm trying to figure out what the point of all this is...hmmm...I guess, for me, having the time to actually deal with the autism without having to figure out where to fit it into my schedule, has made it easier for me to cope. I still have my "someday I'm going to..." fantasies and maybe someday I will. I do think it is important, even if you don't have a special needs child to have a self identity outside of the roles you need to fulfill...its just harder to do with a special needs kid, because the needs and worries are so great, there is little time for anything else.

[LIZARD]

But does a stressed and unhappy mother help a son full of problems?:rolleyes:

No. That's why it is important to take a breath, however quick it may be. Even if you just have 15-20 minutes a day to yourself, I believe it's essential in order to care for anyone else, no matter what the situation is.


((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))),

LIZARD :)

[Italia]

Isabelle,I don't think it's a problem of being young or old.......we dedicate so much time to our kids,but I don't think we must be the only persons who care for them....because they have a dad too,and for every boy or girl,it's very important a balance between mom and dad,being autistic or not.So I think there isn't anything bad on going out alone,leaving our dear kids with their fathers...Or not?;)

Ther must be other figure in our kids' life,especially when we're talking of boys....anyone of you have an idea of the damn a too present and oppressive mom can do to a boy?

italian moms are famous for this:D

So ,don't feel guilty,because anyone of us do their best......

If anyone thinks I'm telling nonsense.....I'm here!:p

[MomOTwins]

Oh Laura....I feel what you are trying to say!!! I got my first day away from the boys (10 yr. old twins, one with high-functioning autism, one with Asperger's syndrome traits) in about a month today! My dear husband had yesterday off (he went shopping at the electronics store, a lot like when I go shopping for shoes, I think...;) ) so I got today off. Well, it wasn't really a day off, I left at noon, drove to a town 45 minutes away to just get far enough away to find a good restaurant that I could eat at ALONE, ended up going clothes shopping for the boys. I did get a chance to go to a used book store and found some fun things to read for only a little money, and then went grocery shopping. Wow, the definition of fun has really changed, it is not much like when I was single, or even when my husband and I had no kids!

I work full-time (in my home office), but I'm here when the boys get done with school each afternoon. My clients know that I work from 8:00 a.m. until 3:00 p.m. and then from 9:00 p.m. until I fall asleep at my desk :( . My husband works late hours and is out of town in his job quite a bit, so I am often in a single-parent situation here at home.

I do all the meals, the laundry, and clean the house after everyone else has their problems taken care of, so my idea of a heavenly day is to do absolutely NOTHING with no one around! See how our priorities change once we become mothers?

Keep smiling at that darling boy, remember that it will get better, and know that we are here whenever you need to talk.

[Isabelle]

Isabelle,I don't think it's a problem of being young or old.......we dedicate so much time to our kids,but I don't think we must be the only persons who care for them....

So ,don't feel guilty,because anyone of us do their best......:p

You are right! :D .

You see I can't help it to feel guilty because we thought of us to be intelligent, well educated people, at least we thought we were. But, these "professionals" can play tricks on you when you go to them for help. Believe me, they don't know anything !!!! just they are good at pretending. So, they took advantage of us. Shame on them! Stupid of us!

[AKF]

It's so important to take some time for yourself, even if it's only a little bit. I used to feel guilty about taking a weekend to go to my college reunion every year, but I no longer feel guilty. I NEED that weekend with by friends. Keith loves spending the weekend with my parents and I need to get away.

Find some little way to relax!!