kinda OT - High School Prom

[skigirl1689]

I am a junior in high school and of course this is the "year"--junior prom. I never have planned on going to prom because I know that there's almost no chance any guy would want to ask me out (by the way, I have cp) and I understand all the focus on looks and being popular, etc. It's just that now everyone is talking about it and I kinda feel left out. I do attend a summer camp where they have a huge prom for the teens that I attended one year and will go to again this summer so I have had the experience, but it's just not the same as being included in the high school experience because everyone at camp has a physical disability. It's just hard because I feel left out but then at the same time I don't want this to really bug me. Any advice for dealing with this??

Becca

[PaulaScott]

I didn't go to either of my proms and always regretted not going to my senior prom. I wish, knowing what I know now, that I had had the courage to dress up and go alone, or preferably, with a bunch of girlfriends. Junior prom wasn't such a big deal, (well, it was, but only because the guy who asked me dumped me two weeks before the prom *after* I'd had a second offer).

If you think you might want to go, you might think about this idea: Get a group of girls together who would not otherwise go if they didn't have a date. You could dress up, go out for a nice dinner, go to the dance, then have a sleep-over later and gossip about who went with whom, who wore what and how everyone dance. You might have more fun than if you had a date of the male persuasion.

It's an idea. Maybe not a good one for you, but it is what I wish I'd done in retrospect.

[skigirl1689]

Thanks for the reply. Unfortunately my high school has a strict couples only policy that they won't change so my friends are just asking guys just so they can get into prom. It's so stupid in this day and age to have a policy like that. Maybe I'll regret it later, but it's just hard right now to be surrounded by all of this talk about prom.

[PaulaScott]

Ugh, I'm so sorry about the school policy. I agree, it's just unfair to have a rule like that.

I guess you could get dressed up, go out to dinner, then stage a protest about the policy outside the prom.

I wouldn't be brave enough to do it myself, though, but it would be fun to dream about.

[Carly'sMa]

Ok, I guess I'm feeling very litigous lately.

I think it is discriminatory to have a rule which only allows couples at the prom. Is there a group of girls you would like to go with? I think you should all get together and with parents, challenge the policy. It can be very difficult for any person to have a boy friend or girl friend.

I think that the parents should also get in on this. The last thing any school should be doing is ostracizing students - especially because they don't have a date.

I think the ACLU would love this. If not them, some other anti-discrimination legal group. You might even be able to get a lawyer to do it for free.

Actually, there is nothing OT about this topic.

[peglem]

Ok, I guess I'm feeling very litigous lately.

I think it is discriminatory to have a rule which only allows couples at the prom. Is there a group of girls you would like to go with? I think you should all get together and with parents, challenge the policy. It can be very difficult for any person to have a boy friend or girl friend.

I think that the parents should also get in on this. The last thing any school should be doing is ostracizing students - especially because they don't have a date.

I think the ACLU would love this. If not them, some other anti-discrimination legal group. You might even be able to get a lawyer to do it for free.

Actually, there is nothing OT about this topic.

This is exactly what I was thinking...What a stupid policy, and why? What if you go with a girlfriend, instead? I mean, even though you're not "a couple" still, two people do constitute a couple of people! The whole girlfriend/boyfriend/dating thing in highschool is traumatic enough, without a school acting like you're not good enough to go to the dance w/o a mate!

[hydrohugger]

My High School also had a "couples only" policy when I was in school. I went to the prom as a sophomore ( because my BF at the time was a Junior ), but I didn't go to either my Junior or Senior Prom, because I didn't have a BF then.
By the time my daughter, Bethany, was a Senior ( at the same school I attended), the rule had been changed and she went with one of her female friends. I wonder if someone brave stood up to the rule between the time I was a Senior ( 1978 ) and she was a Senior (2002). Hmmmmm... It woul;d be interesting to know how the policy got changed...
(((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))
Dar

[skigirl1689]

I'm not really in the mood to protest the policy at the moment because it's been a rough year for me already dealing with teachers, therapists, etc. and unfortunately I just don't have any energy or the willpower to do something like this. It'd be great however to see how other schools may have changed their policies. It's just going to be a long two months with everyone talking about it all of the time. I guess every year someone tries to get the policy changed and the person in charge will not budge, which is so frustrating.

[Donna Thomson]

Ugh!!! I hate that rule of couples only! Geez, I went to my prom with my best girlfriend. Lots of kids did. BTW, I got a FAB retro dress in the $1.99 bin at Le Chateau, a kind of Topshop of the time. My best friend got a man's tuxedo from the Sally Anne (Salvation Army charity shop) and wore running shoes. We thought we were sooooo cool! OK, two pieces of advice. Post this question on the cerebral palsy board where there are more adults with CP. And my two cents worth is to ask someone yourself. That will take some thought and planning and possibly some private investigating done by your girlfriends on your behalf. Part of the hesitation on a boy's part might be how to manage transportation and stuff like that. You will have to plan ahead and explain that all that other stuff is under control. Bottom line to me is that if you WANT to go to the prom, you GO to the prom! By the way, there are PLENTY of able bodied girls who will want the same answers to the same questions. Good luck, sweetie, Donna

[Carly'sMa]

I understand not wanting to rock the boat.

I think the school is very wrong. I wish there was a way you could combat this anonymously. If you could do it that way, would you be interested in changing the policy?

[Austinsmom]

Could you ask a friend, many boys are shy and wont ask but they want to go Too:) :confused: :) how about family like father or brother, my son went with his best friends sister, just as friends and they had a great time.
At my sons school there is no couples rule, but most do go as a couple, but some went as a group??
hope this works out for you
Deborah

[baughhouse]

MY 16 year old junior daughter has CPs and she is currently on homebound AGAIN! She says if she wanted to go to the prom it wouldn't happen because she can't stay in school long enough for anyone to ask her. No she shouldn't care but YES she does.

I'm so frustrated with all you guys have to deal with. You are so brave and strong. Keep your chin up.

Beth B. in TN

[baughhouse]

my older daughter asked a younger sweet gentleman to her senior prom. She had just recently broken up with her long time beau and the vultures were circling. Only jerks were asking her out and she wanted to go and not be pressured to kiss some jerk or something. So she asked a freind who was younger, he understood it was because she wanted to go with a freind and just have a good time. He enjoyed having her on his arm. She was a little too relaxed around this guy who was just her friend...I swear we were taking pictures and she stopped to adjust her boobs in her top (no she didn't flash us, but shifting) right in front of the guy. He was turning red. I said to him please don't "shift" in front of us. Okay, yes I made it worse.

Take a guy from camp or support group everyone will wonder who he is.

Beth B.