New Here and scared.

[RussellRB]

I am new to this forum and frankly very terrified. I have been sober going on 4 months now. I had a dear friend pass away from cirrhosis and it shocked me to reality. It was such a sad and grueling event. Like him, my family does not know the extent of my problem. I am terrified that I have done permanent damage to my body. I recently went to the doctor and althogh I had been dry 3 months my GGT was elevated to 127. The doc told me not to worry as my other enzymes were normal. He wants it all rechecked in 8 weeks. I really don't have any other symptoms other than a somewhat nagging pain in my upper right chest which started about 8 weeks into sobriety. My liver enzymes have been elevated in the past but in the labs prior to my stopping they were fine( leanrned that by stopping for a month or so before the tests I could bring them back to normal, smart heh?) Any others have similar experiences out there? The internet can be both full of information and a very scary place and hence I am overwhelmed. I am frankly appauled at the thought of what I could have done and what I could have avoided. Even if there is no permanent damage I know that if I start again it will eventually get the best of me so there is NO GOING BACK. This I know, but the worries linger on.

I have read so much bad stuff on other forums that frankly I am a bit out of my head right now. Your stories may help me get a grip a bit if you care to share.
Thanks

[citoig]

Hi Russ. Congrats on being sober 4 months. You didn't mention how you got sober or how you are maintaining sobriety. Have you tried AA? You don't have to do it alone and it sounds like that's what you are trying to do.

I withdrew from drugs and alcohol in a mental ward. The had an AA meeting there every Sunday morning. That's when I went to my first meeting. My head was still in such a fog (from the alcohol and the drugs they were giving me in the hospital) that the only thisn I remember from that first meeting was: " If you don't pick up the first drink; it's impossible to get drunk." When I was released from the hospital I started going to AA meetings and listening to other peoples stories. I started identifying with how they FELT even though their lives were different. I began to learn what made me tick and how to change those things in my life that led me to drink. This all happened almost 33 years ago and I'm still sober.

Be honest with yourself, and your doctor. Follow his recommendations and Try AA.

Good luck
Citoig

[RussellRB]

Citoig,

I have been going it alone. I have absolutly no desire to drink again...EVER. The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. I feel it a kin to the desire to jump off a cliff. I was frankly surprised how little desire I have had to drink and I wish I had had this scare years ago. I am not foolish enough to say the desire will never reoccur but I really have too much to live for.

[houghchrst]

Hi Russell, congratulations on your sobriety. I am a recovering addict, alcohol, crack, coke, LSD, Marijuana and alcohol, were all my so called friends at one time. I have been clean and sober for a little over 7 years so I too know how hard it is but that it is possible. Like citoig says, you cannot and do not need to do this alone. Not only for the reason of getting and staying sober but for the camaraderie that you will get with other people that are going through the same things. You will also make new, sober friends.

Very often a scare will happen that will cause someone to want to change their ways and stop drinking or drugging and then when the scare blows over we find that we do a wheeew! and go back to our old ways. Right now you are terrified but time will pass and the fear will lessen but you need to hang on to that feeling because the reason for the fear is very real and you can use it to your advantage. It will help you on your mission. Staying sober will be a challenge at times but you can do it. You are worth it. I am here every day if you would like to talk we can either do it this way, which might help someone else or we can talk through email privately. Hang in there and keep up the good work.

[RussellRB]

Thanks for the reply Christina. Very good words of wisdom.

[Kaiti]

Hi Russell, I, like you, haven't been at this as long as the others.......one day I will be there as well as You.
It was a scare on New years that made me realize what my priorities are. I cracked my chin open wresting with the coffee table:( Christina said it best when she referenced the WHEEW stage.......Apparently I have a very short term memory when it comes to pain, becuase i have been tempted time and time again, BUT after confessing to my family what my desires were, a pressure escaped from me to drink.

I don't have the need to drink like I did....but it is still tough sometimes. Coming here realize the world is huge and so many others are feeling the same pain and agony as me helps. I am trying the sober thing with the family and friends support at home, as we don't have any AA in my area tha tI cna find, SOOOOOOOO, I have my friends and family here as well when the times get too tough and I feel like no one understands anything i am saying, feelign, etc.

I am tryign to get back here as much as I can, so hollar if you need anything.
Take Care
Kaiti

[RussellRB]

One week later, still sober. Thanks all.

[houghchrst]

ALRIGHT!!! Knew you could!! Are you doin' anything special to help yourself? Keep up the effort.

[RussellRB]

Christina,
Doing nothing special. Just following the terror that has gripped me :)