A Long but true story

[Fancylady]

I used to smoke, and I know the difficulties of quiting. I started when my husband went in the service and continued for about 16 years. Then I got saved & never wanted another, but my body craved the nicotine.It seemed at the time there was a battle going on. It was so difficult to quit.

Many a nights I would wake up at three in the morning and would pray about it. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. All the time I was cutting down tho,untilI finally was down to 3 daily a thought came to my mind that if that was all it took to satisfiy me I could qiut,and did. I never had another one since that day and I'm glad I haven't. That was thirty years ago.

But let me tell you another side of that story. Yes my husband did smoke and
seen nothing wrong with it. he didn't believe the stories and paid no attention to what was said on tv about it.

This year in March he wasn't a bit good, we had both had pneumonia and he didn't seem well anymore. I was concerned but he wasn't the type to go to the Dr over what he called a cold. One day after dinner he was working in his shop and collasped. Their was plenty of guys around so I didn't realize what was happening. Some guy came running to the house telling me something had happen to my husband the next thing I knew he was unconsious.they wanted me to see what was with him. never remember what had happen.

He knew know one, including me or his brother. About that time the First Responders came and tried to get him to say anything. He couldn't do it. I thought he had had a stroke and was frantic about it. This was my husband laying on the floor fighting them as they tried to take his vitals signs.He didn't know me or anyone around and didn'tnever recall this happening. The ambalance came and took him to a hospital in a near by town. After a few hours of testing they showed us his xrays and said they were fairly big places lung and brain cancer. These were very big places and I knew we were in for a surprise of our lives

He was sent to a much larger hospital and tested all night and many interns coming and going throughout the long night. After much time they had come to the same conclusion. Lung an Brain cancer! Our hearts all sunk. They called a neurologist in to see the xrays. He said he though he could get the tumor without to much trouble. We were grasping at staws by then, any good news was better than nothing.

He had us all thinking things would be fine with surgery & actually heas out of the operating room much eariler than we expected.It was easy to take a
, thinkng the worse was over. He spent 9 days in the hostital and was worse was over with.

Then the radiaum started for a month and they thought he could take chemo also. It didn't turn out that way tho. He first look at like he had a bad sunburn, only it got worse. Next his hair started comming out. That did boher him as he had a full head of hair. Then the sickness started in. he was given Morphine and it seened to help.

Next he wanted to stop treatments for he couldn't keep any food down. By then he didn't have more than a week to go, but he was all broken out with a drug rash. They took his Dilantin away and slowly he got better. Next, the Chemo started back up, he couldn't keep any food down, but we gave him Boost to help him build back up. Then, his appetite just faded away. I was worrying a lot by then for he didn't talk much and slept 19 hours a day.

A few days latter I called the Dr and said I was affraid this stumbling would cause him to fall and that he was losing so much weight. Doc put him in the hospital that night and ran test to see if he had had a stroke. He hadn't, but someone from hospice came and said he didn't have long to live and that he didn't have to have chemo, that they would make him as comfortable as possible and that he could live out the rest of his days under their care that this could be more pleasant than what he was expericing.

It didn't get any better tho, maybe worse, for he now said things that didn't make any since, at times. Yet he still mowed the yard, but that was about all he was able to do.

One night he gave us awful scare for left home in his pickup with the dog and nobody knew he had the keys. he was found in a grave yard and was ok.
More and more things went so wrong. He forgot how to turn off the shower.
Then it wasn't long till he quit talking. I knew he was slipping away, slowly but surely. It seemed I was up day and night and not getting any sleep. He sometimes done the same thing.

Then come the day I couldn't handle him anymore, my own body worn out from the stress. Hospice decided to give him continous care until he died. What a relief that was, not to care for him every moment. I remember falling asleep for this first time in a while. I would get up and help with him but only when I felt I could be of any help. He passed away the next day at 12:10 pm on July the 18 th.

I have took the time to write this because if I can talk someone from an early
death, it will have accomplished what I have set out to do. I have just turned 65 and my husband 67. Don't let this awful habit keep you from having a wonderful retirement. I have now decided to go to work for Hospice as soon as I get over a back surgery.
May the Lord bless and keep you,
Fancylady

[teddiebears]

Thanks for sharing your story. My sincerest sympathies to you...

I think we all have a version of this story.... I actually had 5 family members who died from cancer, or diseases directly related to their years of smoking. Three of them had quit smoking for 10 or more years before being diagnosed. Two of them smoked right up to their last breath.

I also had a very dear friend (Jean) who died August 15, 2005. She was diagnosed in April and died within 4 months (like Peter Jennings). Her death has been the most difficult one for me to cope with because I was all caught up in a nasty divorce proceeding since the first of that year and I simply wasn't able to spend as much time with her as I would have liked... But I was there for her as much as I could be.

I'm rambling...

Glad to see you here Fancylady........

teddiebears

[Fancylady]

Thanks to you Teddiebears,
I might add that they first told us my husband would live 8 months to 2 years with treatment and three months without treatment. He did have all the treatment but not much Chemo. He only lived 3 1/2 months from the day we knew he had it until his death.
It's sad really when you lived life to the fullest before the cancer took over. As I look back now, it wasn't worth the treatment, when he was stage 4 to begain with. We all feel it took his life eariler than if he had no treatments at all, for he wasn't sick until the treatments started.

I know of another cousin who died the same way, with treatment. The family is sure he went to an earily grave. These cancers are aggressive should be handled with care. The whole family suffers.
Sincerely,
Fancylady:)

[joy]

hi teddiebears and fancylady

I believe I have met you both on other forums. I also have a horror story involving smoking. As a young girl I had to watch my daddy die a slow death from lung cancer that spread everywhere. My mother and I had to go to another state and stay in a VA hospital with daddy. It was a horrible place and I slept in two hard chairs pulled together for many a night. I was with my daddy when he drew his last breath. I did not know what recussation was back then so when the nurse asked me if I wanted them to do that she had to explain. It was a horrible experience to live through so I never wanted to smoke. I do know that even when things are bad, you are better off when you can be close to home. Back when daddy was sick neither mother or I drove. So just staying at the hospital was the only way to get to see him.

I tried to make an impression against smoking with my children. My son did smoke for awhile but since having a child of his own, has stopped. Thank the Lord. But my daughter still smokes. You can understand how bad I feel for my granddaughter as both her parents and grandparents on other side smoke around grandaughter!! No amount of shaming them has caused them to stop. The poor child has allergies and has to use daily medication and spray and still they smoke. Grandaughter is pretty verbal about it without them stopping. It is such a shame.

[teddiebears]

I'm not sure I remember you from before, but I was mostly on the Smoking and Tobacco forum. Thanks for sharing your story.

Being a person who was a heavy smoker for 25 years (over 2 packs a day most of that time, then 3-4, and finally 5-6 packs a day for the last few years that I was smoking), I can honestly say that, sadly, trying to shame a smoker into quitting almost NEVER works. Just like with any other addiction, we who are addicted tend to "tune out" all that negative talk. :rolleyes: Way too often we tend to think it's ridiculous that people are so upset about it.

I hate to admit it, but even though I was fully aware that smoking leads to serious illness or death and that my smoking certainly affected my son's health when he was a boy, it didn't help me to quit. :( The addiction - my love and need for the whole act of smoking - was more important to me back then. :(

Thankfully, I have been smoke-free for 10 years and 8 months. I have COPD (emphysema) and my breathing is diminished tremendously because of my choice to smoke for all those years. I cope in the best way I can with these circumstances (and health issues) and I try to help ANYONE who is determined to quit smoking.

I work very hard to not "bash" any active smokers. I used to be one of them and I know from my own experiences that it doesn't make anyone willing to quit when 'scolded' by a non-smoker or an ex-smoker, like myself. ;)

[jingle]

I was a heavy smover for 42 years -- a smoker who loved and enjoyed her cigarettes :o . I knew I should quit but sure didn't want to.

One reason I didn't want to quit was because of the way my husband had treated me (about smoking and other things) for so many years. He was certain he could gripe, complain, scream, and shame me into anything. He called me the "**** from the sleazy pool hall" to friends, family and strangers because I smoked. He always won -- smoking was the last thing I had left. I didn't want to quit because of the satisfaction it would give him AGAIN.

Then I quit for ME -- Last year I knew I was going to be spending some time in two hospitals and I'd be miserable enough without climbing the walls wanting a smoke ....... so I quit.

(((joy))) -- I wish you well and I wish the very best in all you do.

Waves a happy, loving hand to teddy :)

[teddiebears]

So nice to see you here again! :D

Thanks for sharing your story. We sure can be stubborn, can't we?? :rolleyes: Even when we know it's hurting us!!

Hope to see you around more. I'll try to get a daily roll call going again, once I get used to the idea that the forum is back!! ;)

teddiebears

[jingle]

LOL LOL LOL ---- being a stubborn old woman is one of the things that helped me quit !! I'm a weakling but I sure as blazes wasn't going to fail at this. I was expected to fail at something so difficult so I proved them wrong. LOL LOL LOL. I haven't had one cigarette.

Teddiebears -- you've had a rough time. I sure hope things are going OK for you.

[Fancylady]

I'm glad you girls shared your story. I too being a fellowsmoker, knows how hard it is to quit. I too know most don't pay any attentiion and go ahead and smoke. I do think you first have to want to quit. Just knowing how someone suffered doesn't help unless it changes you personilly. It is hard to be a smoker and need to go into a hospital or several places anymore. i have watched other people try going outside, like at a resturant or places that have really cracked down on it.

Then in my case, I had tried to tell my husband, "Lets just take good care of our bodies so we can grow old together". I know of a few times he did quit then give in under pressure. I think he knew he should stop, but thought it was to late. I cought him smoking once and a while after we knew it was going to take his life and he told me it didn't make any difference now. I told him to quit hiding it then for I could tell anyway. I reached the place if that is what he wants then I woud just live with it. That worked until he got real sick.

The hardest part was having him die in my arms, with me telling him it was ok to go on home now. That I would be ok. Well I hurt when I say that, because it isn't ok when you have to go on without the love of your life. The you planned on going places with when you retired. After we knew he wasn't going to make it I wish we could of went on one more vacation that he wasn't able to do. But it was to late. Now trying to make a life without him is hard. I'm in the process of moving & selling our dream home. It's to big for me even if all my good memories are here. So anyone reading this that has second thoughts about quiting, it will change your life. My husband use to think he could quit anytime or would live forever, if he didn't quit. It just isn't so. My sole reasioning is to get your attention to the heartaches this causes
when you come to the end of the road.
Fancylady:)

[Cry Tears]

I read with sadness all the stories of dying loved ones....sigh....
Here's my experience with cancer caused by smoking.
My husband and I both smoked when we dated and married.
This was in 1973. We thought of the money we were spending vs purchasing our first home. It was hard but we both quit.
We purchased our first home in 74...then moved into our custome built dream home years later.
In the summer of 1985, mid June to be exact, my husband noticed a lump on his tongue.
So being a non smoker, non drinker, non chewer, the doctor he saw told him he'd simply bitten his tongue, take antibiotics.

My husband protested asking him to remove the lump, that he was going to be gone one month with work and family visit on the way home.
This was not our regular doctor....our regular one was kind, caring and a true professional. My husband pressed this issue further claiming he did NOT bite his tongue, that this was growing from the inside out.
The doctor got irritated and told him "I am the doctor...you are just a patient"...sounded more like..I'm God...you're a dummy!
With no other choice, my husband left for Chicago, then a visit in Montana with family. 4 weeks later when he arrived home his lump was now very large.
Now our regular doctor was back....he about freaked at what he saw, Was livid with the other doctor who ingnored it and ordered an immediate biopsy to be done by an ENT doc.

The ENT doc tried to squelch our worries....said this was only one in a trillion chance it was cancer...don't worry. That Friday as my husband lay on the opertating table, they put him under to do the biopsy procedure.
The ENT as a last moment decision asked for a "quick frozen" section to be done.
This was so we could spend the weekend with the assurance that this was NOT deadly mouth cancer.

My husband was only 36. He taught nation wide technical electronic engineering seminars for Motorola Electronics corp...as well as taught bible class.
We knew God would not allow us to lose my husband, besides we'd just adopted 2 orphaned girls ages 4 and 11.
We'd just moved from San Diego Calif to Oregon City, Oregon what is called "End of the Oregon Trail.

When one of my co-workers, a lab pathologist, walked into the day surgery room he refused to look at me, nor did he answer me when I stated "Hey, you better have diagnosed it as good news!".
My heart literally dropped into my stomach when he walked right past me refusing to look at me or make a statment.
It was very bad news........... The worst possible, short of sudden death.

Squimas Cell carcinoma T-2...size of a grape in his tongue. I'd read all the information I could on tongue cancer....working in a hospitals lab you see everything. You see people die from cancer...I even saw a young woman die of tongue cancer just prior to this.
My world seemed to stand still. Hours later, when Larry refused to come out of the lite sleep...he was transferred upstairs. By then Larrys uncle, a University doctor, was there conferring with the ENT. It was late at night when we arrived home.

I didn't sleep for days...all I did was sob myself into a light slumber. A week later my husband was on the operating table. They were going to remove half his tongue, his right jaw, muscles under his arm along with all the lymph nodes. He was going to be terribly disfigured and lucky if he'd ever be able to talk.
Here was my gorgeous, handsome, awesome husband...they were going to hack half his face off.
What a virtual nightmare. It was to be anywhere from a 5 to 10 hour long procedure.
I kissed him goodbye as they whisked him towards the surgery suites.
What was life going to bring in my future. What was Larry going to look like when he came back. How could this nightmare be true?
I'm sorry....but this is making me sick...I cannot write any more right now.
I will continue this tomarrow...I promise...it turned out better than you'd think.
He's lying beside me right now...just got home from a trip....he's yelling at our kitties....perfect speach!
But he did have years of suffering....and more cancers, more major surgeries, more heart aches....to be continued...
blessings, cheryl
I'm posting a picture of him taken a few years before his surgeries and radiation treatments.

[joy]

from joy

I used the word shaming only as a simple word to say that I had tried in a nice way to get the ones that smoke (mostly my two children) and by that I not only mean regular smoke but another kind as well (get the picture?) around my precious granddaughter. I would just tell my children "wish you wouldn't smoke. If you knew how bad it can make you and saw my daddy die from smoking, you'd really think about quiting".

Was that so bad to tell the truth? I love my grandaughter so much. And a lot of people smoke around her! Her parents and other set of grandparents and all their relatives that work in same house and visit, etc. And more than just regular cigarettes, get the picture? She was only about 3 when she started asking them to stop smoking saying she couldn't breath. She was just a baby when she had to be put on at least two medications daily for allergies and repeatedly she has to be on antibiotics for respitatory infections. I really haven't shamed anyone. But I sure don't see how adults can protest they love a child and not even bother to go outside to smoke. I'll never understand what kind of hold something has on a person to inflict sickness on a child. I'm sorry, I just don't. And I know I'm lucky that I don't. It is not like I don't understand addiction, I do. Is it something like that? I now see that I chose the wrong forum. I'm sorry, I won't post here anymore. I know my comments sure weren't supportive for someone that does smoke and I apologize. I just was or still am so frustrated in trying to help someone I love. Sadly my own daddy did not understand my need to breath UNTIL he himself was dying from lung cancer. I was young and liked to polish my nails. He could not breath my polish and remover. After discovering this (my mother told me) I stopped doing my nails around him. I'm not bitter but if he had given me the same courtesy, I might not have lung and breathing problems now. When I was small, I would wake up at night, my chest so tight and gasp saying "I can't breathe". Same thing I'd say in the enclosed truck when he'd smoke. Sorry again. This is probably best left for those to share supportive things and not grinding an axe. There is plenty of that also for those who are angry about BT being down for so long. I'll end with a positive note - I'm so glad it is back up

[jingle]

Then, Joy, I apologize and ask your forgiveness. I did not "answer" your use of the word "shame" correctly at all.

Of course you are correct that nobody should smoke anything near children or people suffering lung problems and they should be told that.

Nobody should smoke anything anywhere. It's a filthy, rotten habit that hurts the smokers AND the people around him/her. I know that and understand it -- I just didn't write it correctly.

What I meant was: shaming a smoker usually won't make him/her stop the bad habit.

[teddiebears]

from joy
I'll never understand what kind of hold something has on a person to inflict sickness on a child. I'm sorry, I just don't. And I know I'm lucky that I don't. It is not like I don't understand addiction, I do. Is it something like that? I now see that I chose the wrong forum. I'm sorry, I won't post here anymore. I know my comments sure weren't supportive for someone that does smoke and I apologize. I just was or still am so frustrated in trying to help someone I love.

I'm not bitter but if he had given me the same courtesy, I might not have lung and breathing problems now. When I was small, I would wake up at night, my chest so tight and gasp saying "I can't breathe". Same thing I'd say in the enclosed truck when he'd smoke. Sorry again. This is probably best left for those to share supportive things and not grinding an axe. There is plenty of that also for those who are angry about BT being down for so long. I'll end with a positive note - I'm so glad it is back up

joy - please do not feel that we were unreceptive to you and your feelings. We, who have quit, agree with you more than you could imagine!!

You said you understand addiction - smoking is exactly like that because it is an addiction too!

I know that it IS frustrating trying to help a loved one see 'the error of their ways' when any form of addiction is involved. When someone is in the grip of any addictive substance, their better judgment tends to go out the window. They might do things they would never do without the addiction controlling them.

I know you said you aren't bitter, but I hear a small amount of bitterness in your words. Of course, it is perfectly understandable to me that you might hold to some bitterness since you are now suffering after effects of your father's smoking.

If anything I wrote sounded unsympathetic to you, I apologize. My intent was simply to point out that it's very hard to 'reason' with someone or to make them feel badly enough about their actions that they will then just give up their addiction.

I agree with you that no one should do anything to harm a child - but, sadly, I must admit, that as a smoker I did put MY 'drug of choice' (cigarettes) ahead of my son's physical welfare. Thank goodness he didn't suffer very serious or long-lasting ill effects, but for nearly 18 years he lived with a smoker who smoked in the house, in the car, absolutely EVERYWHERE! :(

joy, I hope you'll post here any time you want to. We are all trying to help each other on this forum and it's good to hear several perspectives here.

Thanks again for you posts... Hope to see you around here soon.

teddiebears

[joy]

well thanks. I will stay long enough to say that I really do not get in anyones face very much at all. And to add that my son did not follow my advice but after having a son of his own, and having health problems, did in fact QUIT smoking. Praise be. Wasn't anything I said though. So that is one grandchild that is better off. And the only bitterness I have is one that is lost - my daddy. Now if the parents and other grandparents at least would go outside it would help. Some people think that anyone that complains about smoke must just not like the odor. Wrong. With asthma the lingering scent on clothes will make my lungs spasam. But I'm grown. My lungs are stronger somewhat than a child's. At least I know you all do understand my agony. But I do realize this forum is for support. I just was identifying with the few who had begun to post. I'll just be a silent voice in the choir from now own. Unless I can come back and say circumstances have changed for my little one. Then I know everyone here now will be happy with me. Good luck and hope no hard feelings. :o

[froglady42]

I agree Joy, that we all can use the stories.......Espcially the ones of us who are still guilty of that filthy habit. I want to quit, I have tried and haven't failed completely because I still WANT to. Maybe if I hear enough of the sorrow connected I will. Silly thing for an over 60 nitwit to say huh? I've been listening to horror stories for most of my life but it is indeed an addiction. If I only have $3 left, I will spend it on cigarets. Ya'll keep talking,,,,,,,,tell me about your breathing disabilities,,,,,,awful meds you have to take and possibly it will help me lay them down for good.

[joy]

Oh froglady I don't know about you but everytime I turn around I'm having to take some sorta test to rule out cancer. Really. And it has been going on for a very long time. Once I had to wait forever for the doctor to tell me the results and I got the papers from the pathologist myself and went to looking up the words. I knew it had something to do with cancer. It was right, precancerous tissue. So of course when I developed trigeminal neuralgia in that side of my jaw, I was nervous. When I got menieres disease, I was nervous. The list goes on and on, head, breast, colon a couple of times, stomach and finally peripheral neuropathy where my neurologist left me with this chilling thought " sometimes when a cause can't be found, it turns out to be an undiscovered tumor or cancer." Well I finally decided I am a lucky person, IT WON'T happen to me. Just to have them find a nodule in my lungs (just like daddy) and about the same age and with one grandchild at the time. Daddy loved his only grandson with a passion. And I thought, this is how he felt, so scared that he was leaving his loved ones. See he didn't tell us, his family!! My mother did not even know. I was a young girl and saw his group of doctors in the hall one day and confronted them with the question "what is wrong with my daddy?" They replied, you don't know? I said no. He has cancer, they said. How long I say. Maybe six months. It was from March, his birthday month all through Father's day and into the last of August. I soon found out not to get attached to any of the patients on his ward. See I would walk to the commisary and get things for them. One even started to teach me how to do fancy needlework (a man, even) but he died before I learned enough. I still have nightmares even now about them bringing the white sheets on rollers to put in front of the doors when ones time to go came. You have loved ones I'm sure. And you love yourself surely. Try really hard. It is a horrible way to go and a hard thing for your loved ones to see. Now I really will leave. I've broken my promise but did want you to know I care. Yeah I'm still bitter. That was a horrible thing for a young person to face. I knew what death was but would find myself thinking a lot of times, It's been so long since I saw you daddy, this death thing is really forever here on this earth. But its a long time. I grew up pretty fast after that. Mother was uneducated and didn't drive, neither did I. But I learned. All mother got was $33. a month to live on! So I got a job and sorta started in being her helper, protector. Sadly she passed on in '04 and I really feel alone. It is awful to not have anyone to answer questions about things in your past that only older people would know. Guess you could say that is why I love having a computer and forums like this. You can meet people even if you are stuck at home. It was nice to meet all of you. :)

bty, I get a funny looking mole removed next week. That's why I'm so busy on the computer! But it's not really doing the trick like I'd like for it too.

from joy

[teddiebears]

Sorry to hear you are still attached to your cigarette addiction, but glad to hear you are attempting to quit. ;)

I can really relate to your remark about if you have only $3 left, you'll spend it on cigarettes (as I'm sure most smokers can)!! Been there, done that, a THOUSAND times!! :(

The most important thing, once you've made the choice to quit, is to remain committed to quitting and determined to quit! It's always easier to 'light up' again than it is to deal with some feelings of withdrawal - whether it's physical or psychological - but you CAN overcome those urges to smoke, thus going against your ultimate goal of becoming an ex-smoker FOR GOOD! ;) Hang in there!

I used to post a lot of articles on this forum (before the crash) with tips and suggestions for quitting. I'll try to get back into that in the next few weeks. Maybe something you read will spark you to persevere with your quit attempt! Remember - every attempt to quit is one step closer to the 'final' attempt to quit!! So keep at it! :D

[teddiebears]

bty, I get a funny looking mole removed next week. That's why I'm so busy on the computer! But it's not really doing the trick like I'd like for it too.

from joy

joy - I'm sorry to hear you've had so many health and/or cancer concerns. I hope the mole that will be removed next week is nothing serious. I'll say a prayer for you.

Thanks for sticking around.... Share whatever you need to say....

teddiebears

[jingle]

joy - I am not a strong person and did not think I could quit so I asked God to sort of step in and take over and He did. I was AMAZED. It was a something like standing back and watching something happen to a stranger.

And- as I said - I was waiting for two surgeries and knew I would be more 'comfortable' if I quit. The 'big' surgery was having a brain tumor removed and that turned out to be malignant. The most astonishing thing was the surgeon said that said that me removing nicotine and tars by quitting was better for my health than him removing the tumor.

Then ---- wow --- my sister, another long time, heavy smoker, saw that I, the weakling, had made it 2 months without smoking so she and her husband quit. They haven't smoked for 10 months !!!

[teddiebears]

Then ---- wow --- my sister, another long time, heavy smoker, saw that I, the weakling, had made it 2 months without smoking so she and her husband quit. They haven't smoked for 10 months !!!

THAT'S GREAT NEWS!!! And in 2 days you'll be smoke-free for a YEAR!!! Woohoo!! :D

[jingle]

Thank you Teddiebears for remembering that. Oct. 10th.
Know what? .... you are the only person who remembers that. I think it's one heckuva' big deal but ............

[froglady42]

Thanks everyone for your kind words......I am trying and using herbal suppliments as well as weak will power but I really know I need to stop for more reasons than just my health,,,,,my grandchildren,,,,,my pocketbook and my overall wellbeing as well as theirs!!!

Jingle, I pray that your recovery from surgery is successful.

[jingle]

Thank you, froglady ... I've had remarkable recoveries from both surgeries and I KNOW that was because of God's mercy and love. He helped me through that "stuff" just as easily as he helped me quit smoking.
Well, it sure wasn't all easy :p but it was manageable.

One thing I did was use the patch for 39 days and when I was feeling awful and hit with a BIG craving I'd say to myself. "Oh, you poor thing, of course you can have a cigarette. You just have to wait a couple of hours." Then the craving would be over. When it hit again I'd tell myself I just had to wait until the next morning. I told myself silly things like that for several months. It's sure not the usual or proper way to deal with cravings but it worked for me.

Froglady -- I'll be praying for you too. God bless you.

[joy]

Hey everyone, this is the quickest I have ever been notified so I'll share with you - my mole is A-OK. It was just a mole in the wrong place apparently that got rubbed the wrong way too much, lol. What a relief. If all of our problems turned out to be benign, how wonderful.

But sader news I am off to a mammogram, not that part, just routine, but to a funeral of a sweet lady that owns the property we leave our camper on at the lake. Her husband died a few years ago but that is one lady that stayed upbeat almost no matter what. She had battled cancer years ago and won. Had a colostomy bag (spell?) and still each morning would wake up and say "Thank you Lord for another day"! My grandaughter is worried about her outside and inside dog and says I miss Lorraine already. She would always say to children "See you Later Alligator", to which even my granddaughter at a early age learned to give the reply after while crockidile!. I really though about having them put after while crock... on a ribbon on a wreath of flowers. Everyone would smile I'm sure remembering hearing her sweet voice saying that. Hope that is what I'm thinking today during the service, seeing her later. Such a cold and gloomy day today too for her family.

Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers. I'll still check in on you all to see how you are doing. Enjoying the encouraging messages you give each other too!