Moving any adive on helping him adjust?

[Pamster]

We are hopefully moving to a great apartment complex here nearby where the rent will be a LOT cheaper and it will have an extra bedroom so we will be able to set up a therapy work out room, I am so very excited! But I am worried about the trauma of moving and how it's going to affect Jackie. The poor baby has been going through a lot with school and losing the aid we had, and I suspect we won't get another aid until we're in the new place because here it is month three and no takers...

Here are some pics of the new place, it has an on site park we'll be able to take him to and I am sure his increased activity level will equate to no future weight gain and possible weight loss. I don't want to post specific info on that because I don't want it publically known what his weight is. It's personal and upsetting enough to see him being chubby-yet he's NOT gaining weight as it is so that's good, that his weight is stablized where it is satisfies me and I hope that he can get it back down in the months ahead after the move.

Any advice on moving and making it less traumatic? Here are the pics of the new place:

http://cyber-soup.com/pamster/newplace5.jpg

http://cyber-soup.com/pamster/newplace1.jpg

http://cyber-soup.com/pamster/newplace7.jpg

[milivica]

I still can't believe how stinkin AWESOME that new place looks....and what's the deal about the spare room for therapy, that spare room is for me to barge in during a bipolar high after an all day and night drive to Florida with both my kids and the dog, heh heh heh.

My guess, about what to try, is to show him on the calender when the move is, show him where you will be in pictures and driving him there. When looking at pictures create happy 'episodic memories' for him to tie to the new house. If there is something he would especially want such as a certain book or movie or video game or whatnot, have it there for him the first day. Maybe, he will be able to feed off of your excitement - kind of emulate a Goldie Hawn on speed type of up happy personality, know what I mean? Can he play at the park there so it won't be a totally foreign place when you get there?

Pass your great motherly positive vibes onto him. We moved here when Vince was five, so he was not verbal yet. I told him all the time what was about to happen, and was very very cheery/excited about it. On the moving day, I picked him up from early childhood having loaded the van (we moved all the big things the week before) and off we went to the new place. When we first got here, I did stuff he liked all day even on the day we first got here, and he got to see all his things again, as well as seeing us drop them all off there the week before. Honestly, I have no idea of where/how we slept or any details. I know I was a wreck living neither here nor there, and felt sick as a dog cause I was the one that has a really hard times with moves - even if I was moving to a posh mansion I'd literally ache for what I'm used to, like home sickness. Vince actually seemed to move on better than me, a grown adult!

You are moving, that is that, he will have to adjust, he will adjust. Commit yourself to positives, moving time is anxiety ridden enough under all the best circumstances.

Oh, is he going to be going to the same school? Just wondered.

[Pamster]

Yup same school and get this, SAME bus driver! I told her this morning about the move and where it was and she excitedly told me she would still be his driver. It made my day because that is one less thing for him to have to adjut to being different because it WON"T be different! Sometimes we get breaks don't we? :D I already miss this place we're in but I can hardly wait to get to the new one, looking at two months max, if that. :)

[Mother's Heart]

One move we made kids were 4yrs and 2yrs old (asd) and we were moving out of my ex's place into an apt of our own.

I talked up the fact we were moving to a new house. It so happened that I had looked at the place without them and it had an all pink bathroom (ugh) complete with a pink tub. WEll, my son had just had surgery and was being bathed in a blue rubbermaid tote and my daughter envied him. So I worked it into the conversation...would you likie to have a colored tub? How about a pink one. Got her interested in that. Then one day we happened to be driving by the place and I saw the landlord (who was a friend) was inside painting. I'd already rented the place but made believe that i just saw the for rent sign and suggested we go in to see the place. She was so excited when SHE was the one to discover the pink tub. That was all it took. lol. DS was not able to participate in any way at that time, being very fragile and also passive I didn't really prepare him much. I allowed DD to participate as much s possible in the move. She helped me sneak stuff into storage, helped clean the new place, besides thinking she picked it out and decided we wanted to live there, and when we moved in she did a large part of the moving...especially since I was on crutches from a surgery. She helped move some of the furniture and the bags of canned goods that friends had given us....I took the cans out and rolled them across the porch to her and she rolled them into the kitchen...then she helped put them away.
She OWNED that new place. :)

Their room wasn't all that familiar but I set it up first. I shoulda played like Mili did with Vince. Didn't think of that. I just involved them in the move...made most of it a game or a challenge.

The next move the kids were 6yrs and 4 yrs. One thing I did was sneaked a present into the new place and put it in their bedroom closet with a note on it 'from the new house". It welcomed them, said it had been waiting for them to come live there and that it was going to be so much fun living there. They ate it up...though I wish I'd gotten a quieter less annoying toy! ;) I would think if he likes to go to the park/playground then having that playground is going to be a huge plus. If he likes it I would make sure he gets to check it out the first day if that's at all possible. Let some of the settling in wait. Take some time to watch a video with him or do some other favorite thing so he doesn't feel ignored while feeling unsettled. Talk to him ahead of time. Repeatedly. lay out what to expect and remind him it will be okay. Maybe give him some positive imagery about how well he can handle 'x' challenge.


I can't remember what else we did here. funny the house gift stands out...surely I did something else?

all it would take for my son now is to have a video set up immediately and a snack out. He would be stressed big time by all the change and activity but the video would help distract him. It would help my ds now if I could pack mostly when he's not around...since that makes him anxious...i'm not sure if it's the think of realizing a big change is in the offing or if it's that anxiety to have the anticipated event done....can't be patient.

I hope you really enjoy your new place. It certainly looks pleasant. :)

[Isabelle]

Nice place !!!!! :D !!!!! park just there, good! must be lots of kids there, jackie can make friends with.
I hope he takes well to the move,talking positively about changes is good. out with the old, in with the new, garbage out buying new staff, can be made exciting :D

[Pamster]

Wow I like that idea of a house warming present in the closet, I will have to do that for sure, I think he'd respond to that. All in all I think he's going to adjust fairly fast, it's really difficult to imagine how it's going to be though. Since we've lived in a two bedroom place for his entire life having an extra room will be a lot of fun I'm sure. With how much he loves to vacuum I am sure he will be a big help with the cleaning. But I was just wondering if anyone had run into something that an NT person would take for granted as being all right and found their child with autism reacted in a really unpredictable fashion. He was like 4 years old the last time we moved, and he was okay with it from the beginning, it was almost like he was eager to get into the new place so I am hopeful his attitude might be similar to that this time around. :)

Thanks for all the encouragement and feedback, I know how much you all mean to me and to have your approval and advice really does make me feel more calm and peaceful. It's so great we have one another to lean on and offer loving support to. You all are great! :D

((((((GROUP HUG!))))))

[Mother's Heart]

It won't freak him out to have the house giving him a gift will it?

I could see the possibility of worrying about living inside a house that claims to know you are coming beforehand, wants to play with you, and knows where you are all the time ;)

seriously...will the imaginary welcome from the house be hard for him to grasp or bug him? If you think it will I suppose just having a gift waitingfor him in the house from you or a friend/relative would do as well. My kids got a kick out of the house liking them and looking forward to their coming to play in it.

I can so relate to not being able to imagine which way the wind will blow. a crystal ball would come in handy in so many situations for us.

(((group hugg))) back atcha.

[lacyndarella]

This is LIZARD on Lacy's ID (I'm visiting 'til tomorrow), but since it's a local move, I'd take him to the new house as often as you can. If you're able to get in, have him get real familar with it. When we moved 4 1/2 years ago, Drew wanted to go to the new place to take baths, so we took him there. (4 mile trip.) It helped immensely, and after awhile, all we did was drive by our old house occasionally. Now he talks about all of it in the context of the movies he's made up. His therapist recently discovered that "Friends in the House I" is about our life at the former house, and "Friends in the House II" is about life at our current house. :D He 's even made up the entire cast and who plays who, complete with grandparents! :D This kid has an amazing imagination...but he's autistic, so I'm probably wrong about that. :rolleyes: :D


Good luck! :)

LIZARD :)

[jasper]

What a great house! So charming :)

Also, this is off topic of this thread, but while I'm posting I wanted to let you know Pamster that I finished reading your book. It's really good and highly addictive. I'm hoping it becomes a bestseller some day so I can casually mention to friends that I read it before it was published. LOL.

[Mother's Heart]

that's a great idea that DREW had...making up stories and movies about the house. Haven't you said before that Jackie is very creative?

another reminder...since it's a new environment a lot of changes aren't optional...but whatever routines you can emphasize and maintain I would think would be comforting. I would try to avoid any more changes in routines than you have to.

I know he's already dealing with the school being out of whack. Who knows? maybe focusing on the adventure of the move might help him forget the school situation, or at least put on the back burner.

[mc4_a]

Having moved three times in the last two years, I am unfortunately way to familiar with this situation.

I think the keys are:
1. Introduce him to the new place before it's time to move in. Easy to do since this is a local move.

2. Try and keep everything the same as much a possible.

3. Make she he has his own space and you establish where that is quickly. If your child has certain things that he needs to feel comfortable, make sure that's your top priority.

4. If you can avoid it, do not have him present during the physical move. The logistics and motion of a move are enough to make a sane person crazy. Imagine what that's like for an Autistic person. If this isn't possible, see #3 and make sure he has a place he can go to in the apartment where he can get away from the noise and play with his toys (or TV, or computer).

[Pamster]

What a great house! So charming :)

Also, this is off topic of this thread, but while I'm posting I wanted to let you know Pamster that I finished reading your book. It's really good and highly addictive. I'm hoping it becomes a bestseller some day so I can casually mention to friends that I read it before it was published. LOL.

Thanks for the compliment on the house and my book. I am about to start writing a query letter for it that I will send out to agents and publishers, so keep your fingers crossed for me. If it loses in that contest then I get to send it out to people and see who is interested. :D

It won't freak him out to have the house giving him a gift will it?

No I don't think it would freak him out much, since I expect he will think it's from Santa Clause, he's is Christmas crazy, even now still talking about Santa Clause. LOL!

I could see the possibility of worrying about living inside a house that claims to know you are coming beforehand, wants to play with you, and knows where you are all the time ;)

seriously...will the imaginary welcome from the house be hard for him to grasp or bug him? If you think it will I suppose just having a gift waitingfor him in the house from you or a friend/relative would do as well. My kids got a kick out of the house liking them and looking forward to their coming to play in it.

I do think he might be a little put off by the house giving it to him, so I will have to let him think it's from Santa, dropping by an early Christmas gift to show he still knows where we live and will have no trouble finding us come Christmas.

I can so relate to not being able to imagine which way the wind will blow. a crystal ball would come in handy in so many situations for us.

I think it's going to work out but there is that nagging doubt in my mind, I really don't want to hear "You were refused because____" it wouldn't matter what the reason was, just the fact that this lady can't tell me YES yet bothers me. Oh well, nothing to do but to wait and pray.

(((group hugg))) back atcha.

This is LIZARD on Lacy's ID (I'm visiting 'til tomorrow), but since it's a local move, I'd take him to the new house as often as you can. If you're able to get in, have him get real familar with it. When we moved 4 1/2 years ago, Drew wanted to go to the new place to take baths, so we took him there. (4 mile trip.) It helped immensely, and after awhile, all we did was drive by our old house occasionally. Now he talks about all of it in the context of the movies he's made up. His therapist recently discovered that "Friends in the House I" is about our life at the former house, and "Friends in the House II" is about life at our current house. He 's even made up the entire cast and who plays who, complete with grandparents! This kid has an amazing imagination...but he's autistic, so I'm probably wrong about that. :rolleyes: :D


Good luck! :)

Thank you Lizard! :D

LIZARD :)

that's a great idea that DREW had...making up stories and movies about the house. Haven't you said before that Jackie is very creative?

Yup he can be creative, and loves to draw, he plays imaginatively and unprompted too. I might do something like making up a movie about the new place, once it's closer to us moving in I should be able to take the video camera and shoot some good footage of the new place, and see about making Jackie love the place like I hope we all will.

another reminder...since it's a new environment a lot of changes aren't optional...but whatever routines you can emphasize and maintain I would think would be comforting. I would try to avoid any more changes in routines than you have to.

I know he's already dealing with the school being out of whack. Who knows? maybe focusing on the adventure of the move might help him forget the school situation, or at least put on the back burner.

I hope it will help him at school because he won't be sitting on the bus for almost two hours anymore. Poor kid sits there on the bus for an hour and a half, ever day one way. Got to be exhausting for him I think.

Having moved three times in the last two years, I am unfortunately way to familiar with this situation.

I think the keys are:
1. Introduce him to the new place before it's time to move in. Easy to do since this is a local move.

2. Try and keep everything the same as much a possible.

3. Make she he has his own space and you establish where that is quickly. If your child has certain things that he needs to feel comfortable, make sure that's your top priority.

4. If you can avoid it, do not have him present during the physical move. The logistics and motion of a move are enough to make a sane person crazy. Imagine what that's like for an Autistic person. If this isn't possible, see #3 and make sure he has a place he can go to in the apartment where he can get away from the noise and play with his toys (or TV, or computer).

You're right about moving being local and us being able to drive by it frequently, so far we've been driving by on the weekends and I expect to be able to actually go inside the new place around April so we can start moving things and showing him this is the new place. Though I suspect we will move things when he's in school and not when he's with us, just because it might upset him in some way.

Thanks everyone for the great suggestions! I just know this is going to happen for us. :D

[Mother's Heart]

You may have to test the waters or think about how much you want to use going past the old place. In our case my son really stresses over our driving past our old place(s). He just stresses when we pass the apt we first lived in when we moved out of his dad's. And he stresses if we go by his dad's house without going in. and now that dad has moved out of there he still gets a bit upset going by.

[Pamster]

I know he will be stressed over driving by it, hopefully the route will adjust and NOT drive by it anymore because I can imagine it would upset him. If we go by the old place we lived in before he still remembers it and gets iritated by it. :p

[tgrimes]

Pamster just one thing - you said 'might', so maybe just to be safe don't show him anything until it's a done deal and you have a signed contract.

Mother's heart -
what a good idea of a gift in the closet.
I remember one time moving somewhere and the kids found stuff in the yard and outbuildings that was cool to 'find'.
It was pure junk but what a treasure trove of it.
The best thing to find near your new house is other kids that are bored and want to play!

[Pamster]

You're so right tgrimes, I don't know for sure that we've been accepted in there yet, depends on a credit and background check which I am 90% sure will work out ok. But you know how things can creep up on your credit report. :p

I saw plenty of kids at the new place so hopefully Jackie will be able to make some new friends. :D