HOW do you get a person to understand???

[Ponygirl]

How do you get someone to QUIT analyzing your friendship, to death, and
just, simply enjoy what you have, AT, THE MOMENT?? There's someone in my
life, who, means the world to me, as, a friend. And admittedly, I do wish, we
could have more. However, I KNOW, that's not possible, right, now. And, may
NEVER be possible. I REALLY & TRULY, DO understand that. He KNOWS,
I understand that. Yet, I'm continuously getting E-mails & stuff, about, how
I shouldn't be so dependent on our "phone friendship", because, that's all, it
can be. I'm forever hearing, how I should get out & meet other people,
instead, of sitting at home, waiting for this person's phone calls, because,
HE doesn't think, our phone conversations are enough for me. I just wish, I
could get him to see, I'm SO much happier with OUR phone friendship, than,
I could EVER be with ANYONE, else, in, person. I mean, it's MY life.
Shouldn't what makes ME happy, be up, to, ME??? HOW do you get through
to someone, who, just, doesn't seem to "get it"???

Phyllis

[Ponygirl]

BUMP.

Phyllis

[Mott]

Hi Ponygirl,

He may not want to hurt you, for you to get hurt.

Then again, you may be scaring him, may push him away, and end up not even havng the relationship you do now.

I'm not so sure you're as satisfied with what you have now as you'd like yourself to think you are. That's just the way your post reads to me.

But I'm much better at diagnosing and fixing computer problems than those relationship related, so don't take mine as the definitive answer, ponygirl.

Mott

[Tootsie]

If you are satisfied with the relationship the way it is, that, to me, means that you are also satisfied, with the constant pleas by your friend, to find someone, or something else, to fill your needs.

I can't help but wonder, just why you don't find some other interests, whether inside your own immediate home, or by visiting libraries, adult education classes, or other community resources.

I also wonder if your friend feels guilty about being the only one to fulfil your need for companionship, knowing that it is a limited role. Have you considered the fact that this friend might truly have your needs in mind by the continuing admonishments to find another outlet? Cheerio.

[Ponygirl]

Thanks for the replies, everyone. The thing is, I AM happy, simply, being
at home. I AM a home-body.:) I enjoy it.:) I DON'T "depend" on my friend's
calls, because, that's all, I have, in my life. I DO have plenty of other
friends & things that I COULD be doing, IF, I wanted. I CHOOSE to stay
home & chat with my friend, because, that's what makes me the happiest.
I mean, it seems, he could understand that, if, he really wants me to be
happy. {Which, I KNOW, he does.};) He just can't see that I AM.:)

Phyllis

[Tootsie]

When he calls, simply dominate the conversation about what you have done all day, how much you enjoyed it, what you plan to do tomorrow, etc. Eventually, I think the message will be received. Cheerio.

[MandaPearce]

just as a thought but perhaps he feels he can't get out and do things because he's worried that if he doesn't call you all the time you'll not have anyone else and you'll be upset.

[Ponygirl]

;) Actually, that's when he DOES call, the, most. When he's out,
doing things, he calls from his Cell. phone. So, I know, that's not it.


Phyllis

[KathyM]

Phyllis

My first response would be to tell him "How can I meet any new friends when you keep interrupting me with your phone calls?" :D

If you enjoy being a homebody, my suggestion would be to stop anticipating his calls and give him no reason to think you'll be waiting for his next call. Consider his calls your "Sundae treat."

It's possible he won't feel so responsible for your happiness, as he searches for his own.

It's possible his calls will be more satisfying to you. It may give you the feeling you deserved your dessert. It may remove the feeling of loss when he's not around to chat with. It might give you both the opportunity to pig out on your Sundaes when you do get together. :)

If I'm way off base, Phyllis, just call me a Pig. :p

[Ponygirl]

They're at it, again, trying to tell me how I should be living my life, and,
it's SERIOUSLY getting SICKENING!!!!!!:mad:

Phyllis

[Daisy]

Here's a simple method, don't tell them what else you are doing. Focus on what they are doing. When asked tell them that you are enjoying your life and change the subject. I find when people are getting invasive it's because I've let them get too involved and given them too much information and thus let them have too much control.

You don't have to reassure him you are OK, it is simply enough to be OK. If you want to continue with this on your terms that is enough and you owe nobody any more explanation than what you are willing to give. Once you give more, you are going to get more interference. Give as little as you need to and focus on the more interesting things you wish to talk about.

[houghchrst]

Phyllis have you said, stop telling me what to do with my life, I am perfectly happy with the way things are and if you don't like it or are jealous then don't talk to me.

Maybe you don't answer the call for a couple of weeks. Too busy. Or cut a call short, you have things to do.

I am sure this is very hard on you.


{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{P}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[Ponygirl]

I don't want to give the impression that I don't want this friend to be
as involved in my life, as, they CAN be. I do want that, because, I
really do care about them, as, I know, they care about me. I think, it's
just that we have very different interests. I mean, they'd ALWAYS be out
going places & doing things, if, they could. They're just NOT a "sit around",
type, person. They ALWAYS NEED to be doing something, which, they
consider, "constructive". I'm simply NOT that way. The less, I need to
think, the, better!...LOL I just wish, they could learn to respect what "I"
like, as, I've always tried to do, where, THEY'RE concerned. It's just
frustrating, because, I seem to be able to respect the kind of life-style
that works for them, but, they can't do, like-wise, for me.:rolleyes:

Phyllis

[Ponygirl]

If I had a dollar for, everytime, I wanted to say, exactly, those
words, to this friend, I'd be rich!!...LOL I mean, I know, people mean, well.
But, why can't we simply have & share our DIFFERENT life-styles and,
just, care about each other???:rolleyes: Okay, my little rant's over!...LOL

Phyllis

[Nana4&cntn]

Phyllis,

Is it possible this person is married? If he is calling when he is out of the house that sends up red flags for me. Just me thinking out loud. I thought you were looking into school or getting a job. Have yo talked to Americorps? They give you training for a year then help you to find a job near home. Just a thought. You know I love you, and I am just looking out for YOU!! pm me if you want to talk, I can always call you.

Kathy

[Ponygirl]

The answer to your first question is, yes.
BUT,...there are NO red flags for anyone to worry about!!
We're simply good friends and neither of us are in the best situations,
so, we simply gripe to each other & support each other, just, as people
do, here, on the forums.

The job stuff, no, it hasn't happened, yet, but, it will.

Phyllis

[Ponygirl]

Hello?? Anyone still there???:rolleyes:

Phyllis

[Nana4&cntn]

there may be nothing you can do, except to live you're life the best you can. And remember you can't change someone who doesn't want to be changed.
My exhusband was and still is one of those who cannot stay home, he needs to be around others. I on the otherhand enjoy my low key life. We continue to live our lives the same way even after 14 years being divorced.
I have friends I enjoy spending time with sparingly, Only one who I can spend weekends with and she and I have been friends for close to 25yrs.
I quess what I am saying is live your life the way you want, go to school, make some new friends and enjoy life!

Hugs,
Kathy

[Ponygirl]

I was only venting, because, it's aggravating. Not, because, I expect
them to change their ways, where, this is concerned. I mean, it's been
this way, a couple of years, now. Things are fine for a while, then, I guess,
things start going okay for THEM, so, they have a little too much free
time on their hands, so, they start advising ME, about, what I should
or shouldn't be doing.:rolleyes: It's just irritating, nothing major.:);)

Phyllis

P.S. Kathy, if you replied to this because I was complaining about this thread ending,
I only said that I wasn't surprised that the thread ended, because, I mentioned, the person
is married. I only meant, I had a FEELING, no one would reply after that, because, most people
see that, as, a big deal.:rolleyes: Which, in THIS case, it's NOT.

[Buttons2]

I'd have to disagree that a married man calling you when he's away from his spouse is no big deal. Why does he do it? Playing phone "emotional" games? Is the other part of "them" his spouse by any chance?

I'm doubting we are hearing the whole story here,which is fine......but how can we help you? Do you exchange emails with this person also? I think there's alot more going on here than someone encouraging you to find new interests & get out more.

[Ponygirl]

Anyhow, THAT WASN'T the point of this thread. My question is, how do
you get ANYONE to understand, you're happy with your life, and, you'd
appreciate it if they could just be a friend & support you, unless, you tell
them that you need something, ELSE, from them? This thread is about what's
HAPPENING in our friendship. I'm not asking, whether, I SHOULD be friends
with them, or, not. That's up, to, US.

Phyllis

[houghchrst]

You can't make someone understand, you can't force someone to change the way they think. You can accept it as a part of their personality, almost as a quirk if it is easier, you can explain to them in a kind manner, plain english, that what they are saying is affecting you in a certain way, you can end the relationship but you cannot make someone change the way they are. It is up to them to decide whether or not they choose to understand and make adjustments according to that understanding otherwise you can talk til you are blue in the face. It really is you that must make the adjustment because you are the only one who knows what is going on with you.

Krikey, does that make sense?

[Ponygirl]

I guess, I'll just have to start ignoring those types of E-mails
and not reply to them. Sooner or later, maybe, they'll get the hint.:rolleyes:

Phyllis

[Buttons2]

Me thinks I'd best stay out of this one!

However I do wish you well Phyllis!

[Ponygirl]

Thanx for the input, though. It's appreciated!;)

Phyllis

[Gymnast_Navy_Wife]

Edited for personal reasons.....

[Ponygirl]

My FRIEND lives THOUSANDS of miles away from me in another state.
We E-mail and phone, ONLY. Additionally, you may not call other people
when your husband isn't around, because, your husband doesn't give you
REASON, to. We're not, all, so fortunate.

Phyllis

[Nana4&cntn]

Phyllis,

I think on this you just need to agree to disagree. I think you are beating this to death, which is not good for you. You don't need the frustration. I don't believe you friend is going to change or does it sounds like he is listening to you. You don't need this.
Move on sweetie.

Hugs,
Kathy

[Ponygirl]

I knew what I needed to do, even, BEFORE, I started this thread!...LOL
I know, nothing's going to change. I'm telling you, I was only venting.
They can just continue sending those types of E-mails, until, their fingers
off, and, I'll just continue deleting!:D:D...LOL

Phyllis

[Nana4&cntn]

Phyllis,

There you have your answer to the reason you started this thread. Just so you know he has probably been watching this thread. So I would stick to your guns and syop this, cuz he may get off on seeing your angst over this.

Just my humble opinion,
Take care,
Kathy

[Ponygirl]

Oh, I KNOW, he's seeing this!...LOL THAT was the whole point!
I knew, people who know ME, would know. who, I meant! That way,
everyone would KNOW who was being OBNOXIOUS!:D:o...LOL
It'd be SO SIMPLE, if, people just wouldn't send you the types of E-mails,
they KNOW, you don't like!:rolleyes: Oh, well!:p

Phyllis

[houghchrst]

Obnoxious??? I can't imagine LOL.

[Ponygirl]

I was gonna like you!:) Doesn't hurt, that, you have MY Pom-poms, too!:D
LOL...Anywho, YOU'RE lucky, you only have to IMAGINE, what my friend
can be like, at, times! I'M LIVING it!!:rolleyes:...LOL

Phyllis

[Ponygirl]

I NEED to remain ticked off at the person, I've been complaining, about!
BUT,...who do I, just, hear from, and, what does the litttle rat do?!?!!?.LOL
I know, by now, most of you know, exactly, whom, this is about,
so, I'm just gonna come, right, out with it.:o He calls me, WHILE, he
has HIS GRANDSON with him, and, sticks him on the phone!:eek::p
I know, you're wondering, "So, what's the big deal???":confused:
You don't understand!!:eek::p ONE SYLLABLE from that PRECIOUS little
voice, and, my friend, aka, "THE RAT", KNOWS, I'm putty in his hands,
ONCE, AGAIN!:eek::p:rolleyes:...LOL I know, STUPID me, because, I've
LET him know, just, how he can get himself out of "the doggy-house",
with me.:o:p...LOL The man DOESN'T play fair!!:mad::p:rolleyes:...LOL

Phyllis